Don't Shoot

I have to admit I was feeling bored yesterday. I think it is the cumulative effect of three days of rain. No lunch plans, and unable to get out of the house to take a walk, or work in the yard, I began to experience what housewives call "cabin fever."

After you've read the newspaper and all the magazines and even memorized your mutual fund prospecti, there seems little to do other than to watch TV and drink gin. Please note that I have stuck with my vow not to do either until after 5pm. So the days can drag. My wife has little pity on me "You might try to get a job." she suggests cruelly.

No one has much sympathy for an unemployed man unless he wears the look of a worried jobseeker. Spouses and friends drop not so subtle accusations that perhaps the above-referenced unemployed man (UM) is not trying very hard. Wouldn't a serious job hunter go to bed before midnight, rise with the sun, take a brisk walk, shower, shave, get dressed and get on the phone - to ruthlessly network innocent acquaintances? After all, how can a diligent UM expect to get interviews and job offers sitting on the sofa scratching his butt and reading novels? He claims to have spent hours on the internet scouring job boards for Business Systems Analyst openings. He is weary from scouring the boards, and is taking a well-deserved break.
"I send my resume to every job in my ballpark," he retorts. "Don't shoot the messenger."
He has learned that phrase - don't shoot the messenger - tends to defuse criticism, halts accusations and creates a dramatic rhetorical pause, during which he can slip way practically un-noticed while his confused interlocutor wonders "What the heck did he mean by that?"
This is my gift to readers of this blog. Try it next time someone is berating you for something, even if you deserve it.

Hey, is that the sun? Excuse me I got stuff to do.