Robocalls

I really hate it when some computer calls me with a recorded message telling me to vote for someone.

Really, does anyone really think that a dumb-ass recorded message is going to change my mind in favor of the candidate?  This seems to be one of the expensive delusions that candidates and campaign managers agree on.  They all do it.   It should be banned. 

I think that robocalling must be one of the biggest methods to waste campaign dollars, annoy potential voters and put more bling and jingle into the pockets of  technophile marketing consultants and script writers. 

The recipient of a robocall might well end-up wanting to cast a vote against the caller. If he could talk to the automated message he might say something like, "Gee thanks for calling during dinner. My porridge was probably too hot to eat anyway.  I know you are too busy to personally call me and ask me what my interests are so you just target your message to an age or economic demographic and read the platitudes that some script writer has made thousands of dollars composing. ...  Well why don't you go get a zucchini and[expletive deleted] yourself!"


Peter Drucker said that the most useless thing in business is doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.  I think this applies to automating the process of inadvertently alienating voters.

Halloween Greetings



Trick-or-treat THIS!

 This is how I feel about Halloween.                             ======>



I just heard on the radio that there has never been a documented  case in the USA of anyone poisoning candy or putting sharp objects in apples at Halloween.   The chief hazard to children on Halloween is getting run over by a car as they dart across streets in frenzied search of stale candy.

Yet these urban myths about dangerous dispensers of tainted treats remain lodged in our memories causing parents to spread fear and distrust to yet another generation of whiny, weenie kids.

Maybe every costume should come with a helmet, just to be safe. 

On Halloween, we don't give out stale candy anymore. We shut off the outside lights and go to a nice restaurant.  It is the one night of the year when you can dine in peace without some kid at the next table banging his spoon on his plate (usually while the seemingly deaf parents separately check their individual IPhone or blackberry hoping for some interesting message that might save them from the tedium of polite conversation.)

This year the best venue will be the local sports bar, where we can watch the Patriots massacre the Vikings.
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Update on Oct 28th.  In WSJ today, an article by Lenore Skenazy titled "Stranger Danger and the decline of Halloween" discusses the topic of parental over caution.  I think Ms Skenarzy was the person being interviewed on NPR.  She has wtitten a book called "Free Range Kids."  (I guess her point is that they taste better than the children who are kept in confined pens and fed growth hormones and kibble :-)

Holy Crap

Talk about your Holy Crap! moments.  Last week, we learned that while President Bill Clinton was very attuned planning his Lewinsky moments in the Oval Office  he effing lost the effing nuclear codes needed to launch a response to an enemy's attack on the US.     Holy crap! 

More Notes From the Lagging Edge

Notes from the lagging edge -2


I'm not a Luddite. In fact, am a fan of the practical application of technology (e.g., Bar coding, Fast Lane/EZPass transponder, ID chips for pets), but I do not get the love affair that so many of you have with your iPhone, blackberry and other expensive, battery-powered gizmos.

If you ask me, the miniaturization concept has gone way past reasonable.  These little "keypads" are too tiny to operate  for anyone who is over age 30.  And the screens are just a blur without reading glasses.

Moreover, the sound quality on mobile devices is pathetic.  Ringtones are annoyingly tinny and distorted.  Voice quality is choppy and uneven.

Next time you go to the mall or a restaurant look around and watch people and their gadgets.  If two people are dining one or both of them will have a mobile device on the table between them -  a subtle but strong signal to the other of his priorities.

If the person is alone, they try to appear busy by constantly checking their mobile device.  I don't know why other people feel awkward when they are alone;  I don't feel that way at all.  I usually pull out my notebook and scribble some nonsense to make anyone watching me think I am writing something important.

Sent From My Dingleberry

Odds and Ends

Equal Access
A Pittsfield, MA woman is trying to get an initiative on the ballot to allow "equal access to sunshine."  She is collecting signatures from supporters to rewrite the legal definition of nudity.  She doesn't like the term "topless" because it apparently conjures up images of more prurient nipple exposers.  She just wants the right to swim and sunbathe without a shirt, to feel the warmth of the sun on her chest. If I was Joe Biden, I might respond,  "I have just three words for you, young lady: where do I sign?"


Tea Party Madness
You must admit, American politics is a lot more interesting with a third party shaking things up for both Dems and Repubs with their NO taxes! NO big government! mottoes.
I was amused to read a letter in the Globe today, where the writer suggests that the historical origin of the Tea Party as a symbolic reference is more apt if you consider the Lewis Carroll vision.  Some purists object to the hijacking of the patriotic event known as the Boston Tea Party.  If you do not agree that the inspiration of the current Tea Party is rooted in the noble acts of disobedience of the original no-taxation-without-representation crowd, you might reframe the allusion.  Remember Alice in Wonderland? The writer suggest that the current tea party participants evoke similarities to characters in Alice's world - jabberwocky, mad hatters, crazed queens and such. 

Everyone Needs a Little Inspiration Now and Then

I recommend the article "Slumping at Work? What would Jack Do"  by Sue Shellenbarger  in WSJ Personal Journal section today.  It's about working executives who overcame personal performance shortcomings at their workplace by using the experiences of professional sports figures as guides to break out of their perceived "slump."

Jack of course refers to golfer Jack Nicklaus who visualizes himself making great shots as a tactic to overcome slump inducing anxiety.

Slumps are mainly caused by fear.  Fear can often be a mighty motivator but also can be a powerful paralyzer.  Fear of repeating mistakes can lead to a loss of confidence which leads to over thinking the next move which, well, just keeps building on doubt and fear,  leading your performance down a rat hole.

Good news: the execs in this article used sports legends and their techniques for breaking-out of acknowledged slumps as their inspiration.  These techniques also work for bloggers and other writers/artists who may be experiencing a creative block.

The most powerful techniques for overcoming self doubt are actually quite simple: Remind yourself of past successes, engage in positive self-talk, visualize your success, keep the company of encouraging people, focus on your original purpose and your key personal strengths.

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I suspect there may also be a wider general application of these techniques to inspire greatness from those of us who are unwittingly forced by lethargy and gluttony to attain a state of  XXL obesity. Some experimentation would seem to be in order. 

1. Visualize your Success.  I decided to visualize myself as a thin person. I looked in the imaginary mirror and saw an L, with sagging neck skin and deep wrinkles, sad eyes and the haunted look of starvation.  I flicked imaginary flies from my drawn lips.   Ok....That didn't quite work....I decided to try something else.

2.  Surround yourself with encouraging people.  I went to the local pub where everyone knows my name.  They seemed glad to see me.  I declined the proffered dish of popcorn.  "No thanks, I'm cutting back on between meal snacks,"  I declared.  "Good for you, " the barmaid murmured with her Irishly ironic lilt.  Was she rolling her eyes as she poured my IPA?  No! banish that thought of self doubt!   As I sipped my pint, my gaze fell upon the mirror behind the bar.  Peering back was an aging XXL pink faced white haired guy.  That guy needs to work-out more, I thought.

3. Positive Self Talk.  After a few pints, I paid the tab, waved goodbye to my fans, lurched off the bar stool. On the way out, I ducked into the Gents for a quick pre-traffic whiz.  After washing my hands, I stood in front of the mirror, smoothed my hair and smiled warmly.  "You look fabulous." I said loudly pointing to the mirror.  Someone in one of the stalls called back "Thanks Mate, doing me best." I beat it out of there before someone recognized me.

On the way home, I tried to remember what my original purpose was and whether I could focus on my  personal strengths.  The thinking made me hungry, so I stopped at Mickee Dee's for a quick double cheeseburger and fries.  "You want large or small fries?" said the muffled voice in the drive-thru
speaker.  "Make it small," I replied, "I'm cutting back on..um..calories." 

Technical Advice From the Valley of the Technically Challenged

I spent at least six hours trying to get my new all-in-one printer  to recognize the FIOS wireless router.

My New All-in-one-Device

If you have this problem I can save you 5 and one half hours:  Reset your Router which will disable mac (Media Access Control) filtering. 

I bought the printer on a whim when I saw an on-line ad from Staples.  I bought it because my wife complained that our old deskjet printer took too long and besides she needed to fax stuff. 
She uses a laptop which connects to the wireless router which comes with FIOS.  But, when she wanted to print something, she was always kicking me off MY desktop PC which was connected to the old 640C printer.
It cost about $275 including free shipping.  "All-in-one" seems a bit of a misnomer.  It does not have a coffee maker or popcorn popper.  It says it will scan, copy, fax, and oh yeah, print.
As soon as I got the new printer working, my wife said,"Good.  Now put it in the basement.  It's too big to have up here." 

If this was Facebook or Twitter I might post: Holy Crap I have a scanner!

Anyway,  I thought I would test the scanning feature of the new printer:  
 I found this photo taken "a few" years ago, back in the pre-digital world of 35mm.  This is my favorite original oil painting, done by my formerly bohemian artist sister, Chris (which she asked me to destroy after she found Jesus.  The devil in me could not comply. So I keep it hidden in my basement "office.")

Blogger Poses With  Muse.

Pretty cool! Eh?

Soft Landings

In today's Boston Globe there was a nicely done essay by Susan Trausch.  You can read it if you click here.  She took a buyout from the Globe five years ago at age 59.  After 32 years at the same company, her transition from work to retirement was "complicated."    She has written a book* about her personal period of adjustment, (which I plan to read if I ever have any free time.)

The op-ed piece titled "Retirement's Soft Landings" offers a bit of tongue-in-cheek advice to celebrities who have publicly announced their imminent retirement (Oprah, Joe Torre, Richard Daly).

Trausch nails it when she talks about the  bitter-sweet transition after waving goodbye to your career and workmates,

" Oh the tyranny of time managed poorly. The tyranny of time at work was so different, mainly because time was in charge and knew what it was doing. There were bosses, assignments, schedules, deadlines, and a gross domestic product to consider. At home there is complete freedom and an easily distracted human being can spend days drifting from leaky garden hose to unread New Yorkers to hunting for the grocery list that must have blown off the counter to e-mail to the daily crossword puzzle that is supposed to keep the mind focused"

As faithful readers of this blog well know, your humble scribe has been wrestling with retirement issues since he escaped from the hellhole several years ago.  As one who has never been bored, I found retirement to be exceedingly liberating.  Suddenly, no one is telling you what to do, where to be, what time to show-up, and how to get there.  You think: This is how life should be!  

I changed the name of the blog from "Hellhole Update" to "Escape from the Hellhole" to celebrate the new found feeling of having emerged from a cage.  I was happy, delighted and at peace.  Now I was free to do anything I wanted to do.  Fishing, traveling, reading, meeting friends for lunch, catching up on the lengthy to-do list... And I did enjoy doing those things.

But having all that freedom is not without it's drawbacks.  When people ask me, "How do you like retirement?" my answer is: "Overall I am delighted to be at leisure.  However, every few months, I get this vague feeling that I am missing something, that I am not doing anything important.  I start to worry (again) that the missus and me will outlive our nest egg." 
I have probably bored my loyal readers with the recurrent observation that most normal adults  do not experience unqualified happiness for very long (and this is well explained by Maslow's theory, The Hierarchy of Needs).     Our brains are creative goal-seeking mechanisms, so we cannot be satisfied with the status quo, because new goals keep forming as long as the brain is functioning.  (Hmmn, maybe this last condition explains why some people are deliriously happy in retirement. )

Fortunately, this "uncertain phase" does not last for very long**.  I usually respond to the vague noodgy feelings of insignificance by looking at part time job ads for high paying opportunities within walking distance of home.  There are virtually no part time jobs, unless you want to become a replaceable part, working for an indecent hourly wage, on the worst shift.  So, I usually get over this phase pretty quickly.  Then, I make some lunch plans or go fishing. 
And, for a time,  all is right with the world.

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*Trausch's newly published book: "Groping Toward Whatever Or How I Learned To Retire, Sort Of.’’

** My wife attributes this "uncertainty" to mild seasonal depression. She was an English major in college but feels that she is  fully qualified to diagnose my mental state.

I Deactivated my Facebook Account

Dear Loyal Facebook "Friend,"

No, I did not de-friend you.  I de-activated my account. 
I did not single you out to punish you because you cluttered up my home page with your endless "likes" and links to your favorite cause, or your bored twittering mindfarts, or the barrage of  pictures of your cute kids, or your tedious political views. 

Admittedly, some of these annoyances did play a part in my decision to deactivate my FB account, but the principal reason for my departure is that I am not female.  FB is clearly a medium for chicks and mindless chick-chat.

I am starting a new social networking site for men called "Guybook."
You can't just sign up for it, you have to apply and then be selected by the elite group of alpha guys.
If you survive the rigorous hazing ritual, you get to post your thoughts on Guybook.
Actually, "thoughts" is a fancy way of saying "dirty jokes and pictures of naked girls."

On Guybook you don't have friends.  Everyone is in competition.  You get into fights by launching insults at other members. Cartoon avatars duke-it-out in simulated matches so you don't get hurt.   We post football, golf, bowling scores, reviews of guy films, and competitive beer keg prices in your area.  We talk about cars, boats and gadgets and guns.  We like to shoot things - especially things that explode - like empty beer bottles. 

We post favorite video clips from 3 Stooges movies, and you can download ringtones that sound like a fart.
We almost pee our pants laughing when someone says the word "boobs," "wiener" or "sphincter."

Guybook. It will be aimed at males with an emotional maturity age of about 8 or 9 - which covers pretty much most of the American male population who are not on Facebook.

Guybook.   It's the next big thing.