Thud

That's the sound of a record number of us who have just fallen off the roles of the Dept of Unemployment benefits. The job scene is disappointing. Don't be mad at us for wanting the government to give us some help. We have been putting into the system for thirty of forty years.

I know what you are thinking, "Hey, you got paid for doing nothing for nine months. Quit whining!" Good point. But, don't forget, every cent I got went to taxes, or spent in a retail store - none of it went into savings, I assure you. I did everything I could to keep the economy going....maybe I'm a sort of american hero.

Has anyone been watching "The Apprentice"? In my opinion it has gone from tedious to irritating. Trump is the archtypical asshole who makes most people hate their jobs and fear the ego of the boss.

I'm anxious to get back to work, does it show?

The Perfect Gig

We went to the movies the other night. The film was titled "The Cooler." Alec Baldwin was a very convincing old school Casino manager who resists the efforts of younger Ivy league trained management from changing things and pushing him out of the way.

The Cooler was a guy who had such bad luck that people near him also had bad luck. So, the Cooler is on the payroll of the casino to walk around and sit at tables where a patron is having a hot streak and cool him/her down. Interesting concept.

Is it possible to cool down an entire job market? We need to find out who's doing it and get rid of him.

Easy Money

I was watching the news last night when the idea came to me in a flash. There is a huge reward on Oama Bin Laden - I think it is $25 million US currency. All I need to do is get a couple of buddies with AK-47's, some flack Jackets, MRE's and (very important) handcuffs.

We just catch a plane to Pakistan, go up into the hills and capture him. The money gets divided equally, except I get an extra million for coming-up with the idea. Hey, I wonder if the bounty is tax free?

Who's in?

When HR Doesn't Get It

It is common knowledge that a jobseeker should not waste his time sending unsolicited resumes to the HR department. They do not have the capacity or mission to be proactive about staffing. I reminded myself of this fact yesterday when - in an admitted moment of weakness and desparation - sent an email to the HR dept of a local college (Hillary's alma mater). I thought a human might actually read the incoming emails. Clearly, they rely on an automated text scanner to route incoming mail.

Partial text of what I sent:
Subject: Business Systems Analyst
"Please forward to your Chief Information Officer
I am currently an Independent Contractor who is seeking interesting IT projects. I have campus experience and reside locally. As an experienced business systems analyst, with a background as a functional user/manager and project leader," blah-blah-blah.

This morning I got this reply:

" We appreciate your interest in the employment opportunities at Hillary
College. However, it was noted upon receiving your application that the
position for which you wish to be considered is not amongst the
information you have provided. You may visit our website at
www.hillarycollege.edu/HR/careers to view a listing of all our currently
available positions. Please resubmit your resume and cover letter yo us
with this information and we will be happy to process your application.

We regret any inconveniences and wish you the best of luck on your future
career endeavors.

Sincerely,
Human Resources
Hillary College
---------------------------------------------------------
I replied, quoting their excessive verbiage:

"However, it was noted upon receiving your application that the
position for which you wish to be considered is not amongst the
information you have provided.

Dear HR Dept,
I would have edited this sentence to read:
"We don't actually read incoming mail"
And I would have used a spellchecker.
Thanks for your interest

--------------------------------------------------------------
Shortly afterwards I received this email:

Thank you for applying for a position at Hillary College. For further
information regarding your application, please visit
http://www.hillary.edu/HR/careers/AAsurvey.html

Thank you.
-------------------------------------------------------------

It turns out that the system is designed to accept resumes only for open positions.
I really wouldn't fit in there anyway. So I deleted everything and pretended nothing had ever happened. Which in fact is true. Anybody want to do lunch?

Age Discrimination

This is a topic of interest to guys like me, who have been working for thirty years and would like to keep going while we still have the energy and interest in working - not to mention the desire to have some folding green to pay our bar tabs.

A former colleague and I were discussing the topic of age discrimination the other day. We both agreed that we felt our ages were a challenge in looking for a job in this economy. But, I pointed out, it was not because we were geezers, it was because we have been making too much money. Whether we like it or not, hiring managers don't think they need to spend a lot of money to get their problems solved. Hiring managers today have tight budgets, unlike the glorious period from 1993 to 2001. They are willing to settle for more affordable less experienced employees - who are probably younger.

If we present ourselves as "willing to work for less" they are (rightfully) suspicious of our commitment. They know that as soon as the economy improves we will be looking for that old level of pay again. It's not age discrimination so much as intelligent staffing. we would do the same thing if we were doing the hiring.

I hear Home Depot is partnering with AARP to hire geezers to work in their stores. Who knows, this could be a trend. The phone will probably be ringing soon!

Superbowl Sunday

Last week I bought a shredder. I've had a lot of time to think about things and lately, I've been thinking about identity theft. I have financial records going back thirty years, but I have been reluctant to just chuck boxes full of cancelled checks, credit card statements, pay slips, tax forms.
Many of these items have important account and SS# on them. (If I was planning to go into the identity-theft business, I'd bribe someone who was working at a dump, to peruse the landfill for documents containing valuable identity info.)

So, when I saw that Staple was selling a shredder for $29.95 (after rebate) I decided to buy it. Since then I have been busier than an Arther Anderson Auditor at Enron, going through dusty shoe boxes of ancient and forgotten papers, shredding anything that had a SS# on it and dumping old bank records and receipts. In those old shoeboxes, I found many items that reminded me of events that had long ago been forgotten: Dr Bill for birth of first child in 1970 ($400); Hospital bill for 5 days maternity confinement ($350), Bill of sale for 1970 Dodge ($2,130), papers on the purchase of our first home - a 5 room ranch in Waltham ($24,000), stuff like that.

There were reams of old resumes, job descriptions, essays on the nature of work. Most of these I am finally relegating to the landfill. Among the papers was a list of all the jobs I had done from High School to about 5 years ago. The list started with my military experience (warrior, painter, cost accountant, disaster control specialist) and included part time jobs (Bus Boy, Ranch Hand at a dude ranch). Jobs that helped pay college expenses (courier driver, bus driver, painter, UPS package handler, clerk in a mountaineering store, mover, lawn maintenance). Then, "real" jobs (Headhunter, Registrar, Sales Administration, MIS Analyst, Marketing services manager, program manager). During the last recession in the early 90's, I did lots of different stuff: Resume writing, doing surveys for IDC, selling refrigerators and stoves, testing software interfaces, researching sales automation tools, freelance systems analysis, writing for Computerworld. Then, back in the mainstream at Bull Express - managing a direct marketing database system. I added to the list, my more recent engagements: the University (where I learned about ERP, data analysis tools,and started the Data Warehouse), finally to the staffing company (where I learned the value of managing relationships with business partners).

Ok, it's a pretty tedious list, but the point is that I learned something of lasting value from every one of those experiences and organizations.
The prospect of learning something new energizes me to look forward to the next stop on this bus ride that I call my career.
Go Pats!