Friends and relatives (especially my wife) often forward job leads to me via e-mail.
These are well-meaning attempts to aid in my pursuit of the Ideal Work Experience (IWE). As you all know, the IWE has eluded me throughout my career. In fact, you could say that the search for the IWE has actually been my real life's work.
Yes, you could say that, but you would be wrong. Most of my "career" has been spent trading labor hours for a paycheck. I think I was a good employee. I worked hard most of the time; I showed-up; I solved problems. In short, I earned my pay. I have disdained the idea that I had anything that could be termed a Career. The word Career implies planning. I just took the best offers I could get with no real thought about where it would lead. The idea of searching for the IWE has only occured to me since I was laid off, nearly 2 years ago. Shows you what happens when you have time to think about things.
I know I may have given some of you the impression that my work goals were basically maximizing my time spent at the water cooler and minimizing the time spent in meetings. It is true that I have been fairly cynical about work in my writings, but this has really been a commentary on dysfunctional organizations, where Management egos wreck previously effective enterprises. Most of the successful organizations I worked in were effective despite management, not because of their genius.
I never felt defined by my title, since the real me was the person who came home from work in the evening and who left for work in the morning. In the beginning, I had buoyant hopes that the cliches were true and somehow I would rise to the top - whatever talent I had would be recognized and rewarded. Ah naive youth.
These early hopes were pretty much dashed on the rocks of despair by managers who were looking for leaner and meaner disciples. The real world was colder and crueler than I had imagined. They wanted people who were disciplined, who would follow orders, praise the Emperor's new clothes...
Anyhow, the other day, a friend forwarded a job lead for a Data Warehouse Project Manager. I checked it out, but the company is a high powered consulting outfit, looking for bright, young, lean and hungry "Playas" who devote their waking hours to activities that bring-in billable hours from the clueless client. This is not now nor ever was Me.
Henceforth, I wish to inform folks who might be tempted to send me job leads that I am only considering work at one of Fortune's "100 Best Places to work in America."
2/27/2005
2/22/2005
Epiphany
One of my favorite work metaphors has been the Sinking Ship. Often times we get so hung-up on the petty events of our working lives that we sense disaster just ahead, lurking just below the icy ocean surface, unseen by the Captains up in Mahogany Row.
I have oft described my assignments as "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic", or "criticizing the choice of tunes played by the orchestra" as the freezing ocean rushes in through giant gash below the water line.
While this may be poetic and entertaining imagery, it is less accurate than it is therapeutic. Of all the enterprises where I applied this metaphor, none of them was actually seriously damaged by the crisis that I was experiencing at the time.
This point came clear to me today as I was reading the WSJ. There was an article about people who actually loved their long commute to work and back.
These were people who looked at creative ways to spend the time, rather than railing at the unknown forces that stalled traffic, broke-down busses and trains and caused passengers of irregular hygiene habits to sit next to them. These people had managed to alter their attitude toward a heinous experience and turn it into lemonade. They read books, wrote their diaries, listened to tapes, even meditated. What genius!
Thinking about this, it suddenly became clear to me that we create our own Hellholes!
This mental abberation is easy to see in others: we all know people who seem to create bad luck for themselves by their behavior, choices, negative thoughts.
But when we look in the mirror, we see a noble hero, valiantly fighting for truth and justice in a world filled with ego-maniacs and blowhards.
So, let the word go forth. I have resolved to adopt a new attitude toward my next work situation. No longer will I be calling names, alluding to clueless management and corrupt co-workers, while painting myself as a decent, well-meaning perfect employee who has been badly-used.
I am re-born. I shall henceforth endeaver to re-invent myself. In the future I shall try my hardest to be as evil, self-serving and untrustworthy as the rest of you bastards. It feels better already.
I have oft described my assignments as "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic", or "criticizing the choice of tunes played by the orchestra" as the freezing ocean rushes in through giant gash below the water line.
While this may be poetic and entertaining imagery, it is less accurate than it is therapeutic. Of all the enterprises where I applied this metaphor, none of them was actually seriously damaged by the crisis that I was experiencing at the time.
This point came clear to me today as I was reading the WSJ. There was an article about people who actually loved their long commute to work and back.
These were people who looked at creative ways to spend the time, rather than railing at the unknown forces that stalled traffic, broke-down busses and trains and caused passengers of irregular hygiene habits to sit next to them. These people had managed to alter their attitude toward a heinous experience and turn it into lemonade. They read books, wrote their diaries, listened to tapes, even meditated. What genius!
Thinking about this, it suddenly became clear to me that we create our own Hellholes!
This mental abberation is easy to see in others: we all know people who seem to create bad luck for themselves by their behavior, choices, negative thoughts.
But when we look in the mirror, we see a noble hero, valiantly fighting for truth and justice in a world filled with ego-maniacs and blowhards.
So, let the word go forth. I have resolved to adopt a new attitude toward my next work situation. No longer will I be calling names, alluding to clueless management and corrupt co-workers, while painting myself as a decent, well-meaning perfect employee who has been badly-used.
I am re-born. I shall henceforth endeaver to re-invent myself. In the future I shall try my hardest to be as evil, self-serving and untrustworthy as the rest of you bastards. It feels better already.
2/15/2005
Edifice Complex
I was reading a book the other day titled "Pushing The Limits". The author, Petroski has a fascination with big engineering projects, and has written a rambling but interesting account of some of the most impressive bridge and tunnel projects of the past hundred years or so. The book got me to thinking about people who had the vision, drive, talent and opportunity to build bridges and other massive construction challenges.
Building a bridge has some stickiness to it that I find worthy of envy. For a systems analyst, getting the weekly payroll to correctly generate a few thousand paychecks might have a short term glow to it. But, before you know it, you need to do it again, and again. After a while, no one really notices, unless you foul-up.
Implementing a successful business application cannot really compare to the lasting, palpable presence of a bridge or an edifice.
Most of the folks I've known (this probably includes YOU) have spent a lifetime of work and never do anything of comparable permanence. My favorite kind of work - shoveling snow - is quite satisfying in the short term. But, the visual pleasure of seeing the mountain of cleared snow is fleeting and ephemeral when compared to the gratification one gets from building something out of solid materials.
Even artistic accomplishments - paintings, statues, poems have a persistence that invites an increased sense of accomplishment. By the way, Blogging is the second least permanent medium I can think of, right after a spoken conversation. Verbal discussions and blogs are quickly crowded off the frame of focus by other distractions. Even the newspaper which most people throw away each evening, has more stickiness - and portability. Readers can take the morning newspaper into what Brian euphemistically calls the "library" to peruse during their daily squat. Try doing that with your Desktop monitor. But I digress.
The worst kind of work is missionary work. Helping people who are stuck in a bad situation is admirable. But bringing the evils of civilization and religion to the innocent peaceful inhabitants of some far flung jungle is worse than being a machine gunner.
Most of the work I have done is probably analogous to tunnel work. Most of the results are hidden. We were always talking about the light at the end, hoping that it was not an oncoming train.
Building a bridge has some stickiness to it that I find worthy of envy. For a systems analyst, getting the weekly payroll to correctly generate a few thousand paychecks might have a short term glow to it. But, before you know it, you need to do it again, and again. After a while, no one really notices, unless you foul-up.
Implementing a successful business application cannot really compare to the lasting, palpable presence of a bridge or an edifice.
Most of the folks I've known (this probably includes YOU) have spent a lifetime of work and never do anything of comparable permanence. My favorite kind of work - shoveling snow - is quite satisfying in the short term. But, the visual pleasure of seeing the mountain of cleared snow is fleeting and ephemeral when compared to the gratification one gets from building something out of solid materials.
Even artistic accomplishments - paintings, statues, poems have a persistence that invites an increased sense of accomplishment. By the way, Blogging is the second least permanent medium I can think of, right after a spoken conversation. Verbal discussions and blogs are quickly crowded off the frame of focus by other distractions. Even the newspaper which most people throw away each evening, has more stickiness - and portability. Readers can take the morning newspaper into what Brian euphemistically calls the "library" to peruse during their daily squat. Try doing that with your Desktop monitor. But I digress.
The worst kind of work is missionary work. Helping people who are stuck in a bad situation is admirable. But bringing the evils of civilization and religion to the innocent peaceful inhabitants of some far flung jungle is worse than being a machine gunner.
Most of the work I have done is probably analogous to tunnel work. Most of the results are hidden. We were always talking about the light at the end, hoping that it was not an oncoming train.
2/14/2005
No Valentine for Bush
Wow, the Iraqi election results are in. Surprise. They chose a Theocracy. The secular slate which supported the US got only 14% of the vote. The new duly elected representatives will be kicking our asses out of the country before you can say "catastophic failure."
So much for the Bush administrations's 300-Billion dollar, 10,000 man experiment in mid-east democracy. The newsguys say the administration is "surprised" by the results of the election - just like they have been surprised by everything that has happened since Bush was elected in 2000.
Now, we have a new ally for Iran in the mideast, bought and paid-for by US citizens and US marine blood. How do you guys like it? I think it sucks.
So much for the Bush administrations's 300-Billion dollar, 10,000 man experiment in mid-east democracy. The newsguys say the administration is "surprised" by the results of the election - just like they have been surprised by everything that has happened since Bush was elected in 2000.
Now, we have a new ally for Iran in the mideast, bought and paid-for by US citizens and US marine blood. How do you guys like it? I think it sucks.
2/08/2005
Final Thoughts on The Superbowl
What has happened to the championship game of the NFL? Instead of a sporting event, it has become a political media event. We have former presidents, an ex-Beatle, and business leaders all vieing and mugging for the camera. Flyovers by the Air Force and touching scenes of young soldiers overseas watching the game as a connection with home.
These are all fine and interesting scenes but what do they have to do with football?
To a TV football watcher who saw the first superbowl (but forgets who played, the whole thing has gotten way out of hand. And not in a good way.
The start time for the game has been tweaked for optimal commercial payback. The original 2pm daytime kickoff time has drifted upwards to 6:30pm EST. This makes partying less attractive. The loyal season ticket holders are not rewarded with championship tickets at reasonable prices, and how can they compete with the grinning state solons who are offfered tickets nearly for free.
Women who know nothing about football and care even less are watching for the commercials and the half time shows.
Don't get me started on the commercials. How did it happen that an industry has sprung-up to keep viewers posted on the ads? You can go to a website on the internet and vote for your favorite superbowl commercial (of the forty or so that interrupted the game.)
Folks, we have been duped into actually asking for commericials! It is sick, I tell you.
These are all fine and interesting scenes but what do they have to do with football?
To a TV football watcher who saw the first superbowl (but forgets who played, the whole thing has gotten way out of hand. And not in a good way.
The start time for the game has been tweaked for optimal commercial payback. The original 2pm daytime kickoff time has drifted upwards to 6:30pm EST. This makes partying less attractive. The loyal season ticket holders are not rewarded with championship tickets at reasonable prices, and how can they compete with the grinning state solons who are offfered tickets nearly for free.
Women who know nothing about football and care even less are watching for the commercials and the half time shows.
Don't get me started on the commercials. How did it happen that an industry has sprung-up to keep viewers posted on the ads? You can go to a website on the internet and vote for your favorite superbowl commercial (of the forty or so that interrupted the game.)
Folks, we have been duped into actually asking for commericials! It is sick, I tell you.
2/05/2005
Gig from Hell
Perhaps it is not surprising to readers of this journal when I report that my current contracting assignment has turned into the Gig from Hell. What started out as a benevolent, routine Access Database job, working for "volunteer" wages at a local non-profit has devolved into a rat's nest of complications.
My first mistake was underestimating the work. My second mistake was assuming that the working conditions were agreeable. The third and biggest mistake was assuming that the users knew what they wanted.
I had estimated the cleanup effort at 40-60 hrs, and stipulated that my charges would not exceed the upper-limit. After I actually got in there and analyzed the situation, I was a bit surprised to find that there was no resident expert to explain why things are the way they are. And no one could articulate what they wanted me to do.
In my past lives, I always had a knowledgeable user who could define - or at least validate the business rules. At this place, my inquiry about business rules was met with a look of panic. We don't have business rules, my user almost sobbed from the stress of my probing interrogation.
That's when I realized that what they wanted was magic. Somehow the database should support some unknown objective. Just get rid of the records that we don't need. Oh, good let's talk about the ones you do need. I have no idea. That's why we hired You! Oh dear, that will take a bit longer.
Another vexing complication is my incompetence when it comes to actually doing labor intensive technical tasks. I can fudge my way through some basic SQL queries, but the mysteries of writing macros (or any form of code) seem to be beyond my ken. Another fortunate aspect of my professional career has been the luck of teaming-up with talented techies who like to do that sort of thing.
So, here I am. Alone on the open ocean of independent contracting - over my head with no life raft, mucking around with forms and mismatched data types and referential integrity - working for peanuts.
Oh yes it has been a learning experience. Corporate America, please, take me back!
My first mistake was underestimating the work. My second mistake was assuming that the working conditions were agreeable. The third and biggest mistake was assuming that the users knew what they wanted.
I had estimated the cleanup effort at 40-60 hrs, and stipulated that my charges would not exceed the upper-limit. After I actually got in there and analyzed the situation, I was a bit surprised to find that there was no resident expert to explain why things are the way they are. And no one could articulate what they wanted me to do.
In my past lives, I always had a knowledgeable user who could define - or at least validate the business rules. At this place, my inquiry about business rules was met with a look of panic. We don't have business rules, my user almost sobbed from the stress of my probing interrogation.
That's when I realized that what they wanted was magic. Somehow the database should support some unknown objective. Just get rid of the records that we don't need. Oh, good let's talk about the ones you do need. I have no idea. That's why we hired You! Oh dear, that will take a bit longer.
Another vexing complication is my incompetence when it comes to actually doing labor intensive technical tasks. I can fudge my way through some basic SQL queries, but the mysteries of writing macros (or any form of code) seem to be beyond my ken. Another fortunate aspect of my professional career has been the luck of teaming-up with talented techies who like to do that sort of thing.
So, here I am. Alone on the open ocean of independent contracting - over my head with no life raft, mucking around with forms and mismatched data types and referential integrity - working for peanuts.
Oh yes it has been a learning experience. Corporate America, please, take me back!
2/01/2005
Cutting Edges
Procter and Gamble wants to buy Gillette. Oh, the copywriters are honing their headlines to show how cleverly they can play on the words about these mega-consumer providers. The lines are too easy, and it will take some really disciplined writers to reach for the simile, metaphor or turn-of-phrase that will make readers envy the cleverness of the writer rather than fighting the urge to pummel the writer.
A favorite metaphor of management is expressed with the tired business objective "...to be on the cutting edge" of their industry. I think this is an ill-chosen image. I think they mean "progressive" or "at the forefront" or even "ahead of the pack." But the words conjure a vision of wood shavings curling away from a plank, or a scythe mowing a swathe of wheat. The cutting edge is destructive. The glint of the razor begs for blood.
When I hear some maven of business uttering this pop cliche, I cannot help but recall a Mad Magazine cartoon - a kid is sliding down a long curving banister and as he rounds the final curve, he suddenly sees that the bottom section turns into a giant razor blade. Oooch.
Tom Lehrer immortalized the image in one of his little ditties ( Bright College Days"
The lyric goes
"... Soon we'll be out, amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life..." (oooch)
You would think that the company that offered an eternally-sharp "Ginsu" razor blade would become gloriously successful. But Gillette has demonstrated that the real money comes from the recurring sale of blades not in the sale of razors.
There is something vaguely disturbing about the recent spate of acquisitions and mergers between already large companies (e.g., Oracle-PeopleSoft, SBC-AT&T, Cingular-AT&T Wireless). These mega-deals may benefit the corporate mavens and stockholders, but they don't sound so sweet to the employees that will be consolidated-out of a job, or to the consumers who will inevitably pay increased prices in a less competitive marketplace. (Fewer employees, more profits = bloody brilliant!)
I would like to believe in the Ayn Rand brand of free market rationalism, but my gut tells me that more big companies are not a good thing. These multi-everything institutions begin to behave like political entities rather than economically driven organizations. Monopolistic control of pricing and availability will ultimately reduce consumer choices while increasing the cost of goods. The rising costs do not result in better quality goods - because executives realize that they get more bang for the buck if they spend the buck on marketing than if they spend it on product development.
Face it. We are screwed.
========
In a related story, US auditors cannot account for Nine Billion US Taxpayer dollars that was spent in Iraq last year. Incredibly, our guy Bremer said that we gave most of it to the Iraqi provisional government, but did not make them account for how the money was spent. Don't the Iraqis have oil? Why are we paying for everything? Who the heck is in charge?
When the enterprise gets so big that those responsible do not have to answer to anyone, we are screwed. Royally.
In yesterday's historic election in Iraq, everyone was surprised. The turnout was higher (percentage-wise) than in most American elections. This, despite the fact that they all had to walk to the polls, stand in long lines, risk death or injury, undergo a personal body frisking, and hardly anyone one really knew who they were voting for.
On second thought, it sounds a lot like the reports from Ohio last November.
A favorite metaphor of management is expressed with the tired business objective "...to be on the cutting edge" of their industry. I think this is an ill-chosen image. I think they mean "progressive" or "at the forefront" or even "ahead of the pack." But the words conjure a vision of wood shavings curling away from a plank, or a scythe mowing a swathe of wheat. The cutting edge is destructive. The glint of the razor begs for blood.
When I hear some maven of business uttering this pop cliche, I cannot help but recall a Mad Magazine cartoon - a kid is sliding down a long curving banister and as he rounds the final curve, he suddenly sees that the bottom section turns into a giant razor blade. Oooch.
Tom Lehrer immortalized the image in one of his little ditties ( Bright College Days"
The lyric goes
"... Soon we'll be out, amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life..." (oooch)
You would think that the company that offered an eternally-sharp "Ginsu" razor blade would become gloriously successful. But Gillette has demonstrated that the real money comes from the recurring sale of blades not in the sale of razors.
There is something vaguely disturbing about the recent spate of acquisitions and mergers between already large companies (e.g., Oracle-PeopleSoft, SBC-AT&T, Cingular-AT&T Wireless). These mega-deals may benefit the corporate mavens and stockholders, but they don't sound so sweet to the employees that will be consolidated-out of a job, or to the consumers who will inevitably pay increased prices in a less competitive marketplace. (Fewer employees, more profits = bloody brilliant!)
I would like to believe in the Ayn Rand brand of free market rationalism, but my gut tells me that more big companies are not a good thing. These multi-everything institutions begin to behave like political entities rather than economically driven organizations. Monopolistic control of pricing and availability will ultimately reduce consumer choices while increasing the cost of goods. The rising costs do not result in better quality goods - because executives realize that they get more bang for the buck if they spend the buck on marketing than if they spend it on product development.
Face it. We are screwed.
========
In a related story, US auditors cannot account for Nine Billion US Taxpayer dollars that was spent in Iraq last year. Incredibly, our guy Bremer said that we gave most of it to the Iraqi provisional government, but did not make them account for how the money was spent. Don't the Iraqis have oil? Why are we paying for everything? Who the heck is in charge?
When the enterprise gets so big that those responsible do not have to answer to anyone, we are screwed. Royally.
In yesterday's historic election in Iraq, everyone was surprised. The turnout was higher (percentage-wise) than in most American elections. This, despite the fact that they all had to walk to the polls, stand in long lines, risk death or injury, undergo a personal body frisking, and hardly anyone one really knew who they were voting for.
On second thought, it sounds a lot like the reports from Ohio last November.
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