I am pleased to report that my current "engagement" is coming to an end. Why am I pleased, you ask? (Honey, if you need to ask, you have clearly not been reading this blog. )
But just for the record, to apprise those newcomers who are too intelligent to dig back into history, let me summarize the top ten reasons why I would rather be home - staring out the window wondering how I am going to exterminate those pesky tomato eating squirrels this year - rather than schlepping my big retirement age ass 30 miles down the highway and back at rush hour every day.
Top ten reasons to be cheerful that my gig is over:
1) Did I mention that I hate being on the highway at drive time? Fellow commuters in their big scary SUVs and Truckers in their very big and scary 18 wheelers crawling up your rear bumper because you are only going ten miles over the speed limit. (Makes you want to just jam on your brakes to see what would happen) Or you get stuck for an hour in a huge traffic jam behind an accident scene all because some moron in a big SUV was tailgaiting some clueless idiot who wanted to teach the SUV a lesson by slamming on his brakes.
2) The system is among the worst I have ever seen. The users who have to work with it, hate it quite passionately. It was the wrong solution, peddled to an unwary customer. The managers who made the "buy" decision of course cannot admit that they might have bleeped up, so they blame all "problems" on the users and developers. Most of the middle managers are disappointed and pressured because they have to make things work somehow. It's fairly hopeless.
3) My shelflife is up. I am begining to smell. The three guys who interviewed me are all long gone, and on to better lives and locations. I too have lost the sense of magic and wonder that one feels at the beginning of a new project. Ok maybe I never had that sense on this job. I just feel intellectually antsy.
4) Micromanagement has robbed me of any feeling of ownership or responsibilty. I start looking at my watch just after morning coffee break. Sometimes in the afternoon I actually doze off for seconds at atime starting at some vacuous email that I have been CC'd on for some incomprehensible reason.
5) Indolence and autonomy becken. I have books waiting to be read. My Retirement portfolio needs balancing. The bedroom needs painting. Both toilets are running and wasting water. I sometimnes fall weeks behind on my blog because I am so tired at the end of the day that nothing seems worth writing about. I miss my long walks in the morning and hours spent in the periodical room at the library.
6) Freedom Calls. I want to go fishing or to the casino whenever I please. If I feel like sleeping late or staying up late, that's what I want to do. I want to have time to read the paper in the morning - not just the Op-ed page.
7) I am weary of showering and shaving every day. And getting a haircut every month and wearing laundered shirts and clean pressed trousers every day and wearing dress shoes. I want to go back to my Rockports and Dockers and tee shirts. Ponytail, beard, earings and....New tattoos! It is only a few more weeks until Spring.
8) I want to return to my old schedule, where I shop and do errands in the middle of the week when there is no traffic, and then do something interesting on weekends when the rest of the workd is jamming the local streets trying to get errands done.
9) Hardly any of my friends have jobs. Certainly none who are my age or older.
10) I have in my hand a potentially winning lottery ticket worth 23 million. Stay tuned. Drawing at 11pm.
1/17/2006
1/10/2006
Truth Comes in Blows
In the Saul Bellow novel, "Henderson The Rain King", the protagonist, Gene Henderson, spends much of the time searching for an answer for the little, persistent voice inside his head that says I want, I want.
In one scene, he is chopping wood and a chunk of oak pops up and gives him a bloody nose.
He experiences an instant epiphany wherein the Truth is revealed to him. He declares that "Truth comes in blows".
I recently experienced a similar, painful sudden insight. I was navigating in the dark, after a late session watching college championship football. Three Dewars and two beers had clouded my usually sharp radar, and I stubbed a middle toe on the bedpost as I aimed for "my" side in the unlighted wee hours.
I do not think I was actually thinking of anything important at the time. Most likely, I was silently regretting that I had to get up and go to work at the Hellhole in just a few hours. Then, in the numbing ache of a banged-up digit, a new and wonderful perception came to me.
As you know, for most of the duration of my current gig, I have been complaining about the micromanaging project manager. I castigated him (behind his back, of course) for being a hovering, meddling annoyance. I criticized him for holding long and boring meetings while he tediously grilled someone on the conference call because he did not understand things that the rest of us found simple and comprehensible. I accused him of malfeasance for insisting on slavish attendance at those dumb and unproductive status and "planning" meetings, not letting us get to work so we could actually do our jobs. I observed that the more involved he became, the more apathetic and disengaged I (and others) became. At problem-solving sessions, he would not listen to us when we offered facts or proposed solutions. He made many bad decisions which later had to be corrected.
After a while, we just accepted the situation and let him make all the decisions and assume all the responsibility. This was his impression of management. We were getting paid the same as if we were actually accomplishing something. Why get frustrated or angry?
Sure, it was the easiest thing to do. And for the past six months I have enjoyed a pretty good gig, being well-paid and having to invest nothing other than some face time and an odious commute. But, getting back to the point of this: The Truth that came to me in a sudden flash is I should be thankful for his micromanaging.
If he had not turned me off, I'd have become invested in the project. I'd have made commitments and would have tried hard to meet them. Heck, I might have gotton interested in the challenges instead of shirking them. I might even have worked overtime instead of going in late and going home after 6 or 7 hours. And it would all have been in vain, for this is truly the worst system I have ever seen!
Thank you, Micromanager. You are my hero. If I am still there when your ulcers are better, I vow to take you out and buy you a beer.
In one scene, he is chopping wood and a chunk of oak pops up and gives him a bloody nose.
He experiences an instant epiphany wherein the Truth is revealed to him. He declares that "Truth comes in blows".
I recently experienced a similar, painful sudden insight. I was navigating in the dark, after a late session watching college championship football. Three Dewars and two beers had clouded my usually sharp radar, and I stubbed a middle toe on the bedpost as I aimed for "my" side in the unlighted wee hours.
I do not think I was actually thinking of anything important at the time. Most likely, I was silently regretting that I had to get up and go to work at the Hellhole in just a few hours. Then, in the numbing ache of a banged-up digit, a new and wonderful perception came to me.
As you know, for most of the duration of my current gig, I have been complaining about the micromanaging project manager. I castigated him (behind his back, of course) for being a hovering, meddling annoyance. I criticized him for holding long and boring meetings while he tediously grilled someone on the conference call because he did not understand things that the rest of us found simple and comprehensible. I accused him of malfeasance for insisting on slavish attendance at those dumb and unproductive status and "planning" meetings, not letting us get to work so we could actually do our jobs. I observed that the more involved he became, the more apathetic and disengaged I (and others) became. At problem-solving sessions, he would not listen to us when we offered facts or proposed solutions. He made many bad decisions which later had to be corrected.
After a while, we just accepted the situation and let him make all the decisions and assume all the responsibility. This was his impression of management. We were getting paid the same as if we were actually accomplishing something. Why get frustrated or angry?
Sure, it was the easiest thing to do. And for the past six months I have enjoyed a pretty good gig, being well-paid and having to invest nothing other than some face time and an odious commute. But, getting back to the point of this: The Truth that came to me in a sudden flash is I should be thankful for his micromanaging.
If he had not turned me off, I'd have become invested in the project. I'd have made commitments and would have tried hard to meet them. Heck, I might have gotton interested in the challenges instead of shirking them. I might even have worked overtime instead of going in late and going home after 6 or 7 hours. And it would all have been in vain, for this is truly the worst system I have ever seen!
Thank you, Micromanager. You are my hero. If I am still there when your ulcers are better, I vow to take you out and buy you a beer.
1/02/2006
January 1, 2006
Another New Year. I guess we all share a universal sense of optimism when a new year rolls around. Even those jaded cynics among us who (perhaps like me) who have begun so many New Years with a list of resolutions and the hope of peace and prosperity, and then witnessed the disolution of those hopes in the fire hose of reality.
2005 was another one of those years when the idea of World Peace seems like a childish aspiration. Threats - real and imagined - abound. China and Russia are drifting back to totalitarianism. None of our old friends likes us anymore. Perhaps Randy Newman (Let's drop the big one and see what happens) should be the next president. We need someone with a sense of humor.
We don't even like each other! The Dems are calling the Republicans liars and corrupt. The Neocons seem to have patented a new definition for patriotism which sounds to me too much like nationalism. I recall that the Nazi's came to power by focusing the people's attention on the internal and external threats and then ruthlesly punished eliminated any form of dissent or opposition. As a country, we have polarized to the extremes. There is no middle. The bell curve is now a statistical pucker when it comes to politics. Each side says "Either you are with us (and shut-up). or you are helping the enemy." Good old-fashioned comromise is out of the question. How can you find common ground with traiters, Nazis and killers of babies? Amazingly, after centuries of barbaric warfare (much of it over differences in religious beliefs), we have learned nothing. Some of us have distilled (or should I say, "dumbed-down") our political philosophy down to a few defining issues such as right to life, opposition to same sex marriage and insistence upon unquestioned allegience to a leader. Unfortunately it will take another national tragedy for the sides to come together.
But, despite the gloomy assessment for the prospects of peace, I look ahead to 2006 with a sense of renewal and optimism, just like the rest of you naive children.
Footnote: Was it just me, or did you think it was kind of a bummer seeing post-stroke Dick Clark at the annual New Years Eve festivities on TV. Is this what the rest of us have to look forward to? Can't someone tell him that it is time to get out of the spotlight? It gets worse - They announced today that Clark's successor has been named to host New Years Eve when Clark finally kicks the bucket. Was it some one with talent? Good looks? Charisma? No, some poofta from the american Idol show. Reality Central to ABC: there is a reason why none of my homies bothers to watch that phony baloney "competition."
I guess Clark just did not want to give up his Job. Like so many of us, we work our whole lives to accomplish something worthwhile and then the company replaces us with Ryan Seacrest.
2005 was another one of those years when the idea of World Peace seems like a childish aspiration. Threats - real and imagined - abound. China and Russia are drifting back to totalitarianism. None of our old friends likes us anymore. Perhaps Randy Newman (Let's drop the big one and see what happens) should be the next president. We need someone with a sense of humor.
We don't even like each other! The Dems are calling the Republicans liars and corrupt. The Neocons seem to have patented a new definition for patriotism which sounds to me too much like nationalism. I recall that the Nazi's came to power by focusing the people's attention on the internal and external threats and then ruthlesly punished eliminated any form of dissent or opposition. As a country, we have polarized to the extremes. There is no middle. The bell curve is now a statistical pucker when it comes to politics. Each side says "Either you are with us (and shut-up). or you are helping the enemy." Good old-fashioned comromise is out of the question. How can you find common ground with traiters, Nazis and killers of babies? Amazingly, after centuries of barbaric warfare (much of it over differences in religious beliefs), we have learned nothing. Some of us have distilled (or should I say, "dumbed-down") our political philosophy down to a few defining issues such as right to life, opposition to same sex marriage and insistence upon unquestioned allegience to a leader. Unfortunately it will take another national tragedy for the sides to come together.
But, despite the gloomy assessment for the prospects of peace, I look ahead to 2006 with a sense of renewal and optimism, just like the rest of you naive children.
Footnote: Was it just me, or did you think it was kind of a bummer seeing post-stroke Dick Clark at the annual New Years Eve festivities on TV. Is this what the rest of us have to look forward to? Can't someone tell him that it is time to get out of the spotlight? It gets worse - They announced today that Clark's successor has been named to host New Years Eve when Clark finally kicks the bucket. Was it some one with talent? Good looks? Charisma? No, some poofta from the american Idol show. Reality Central to ABC: there is a reason why none of my homies bothers to watch that phony baloney "competition."
I guess Clark just did not want to give up his Job. Like so many of us, we work our whole lives to accomplish something worthwhile and then the company replaces us with Ryan Seacrest.
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