One of the wags on our team has characterized the new system as "Gumped." He says that the database is like a box of chocolates because you never know what you are gonna get (when you compose an sql query).
Clearly, the architects of this database were recruited from a madhouse. Virtually none of the database design team speaks English without a pronounced accent. If you talk about business rules, they adopt an expressionless demeaner and firmly insist on telling you how the system process the data with a strong implication that you are wasting their time with your silly questions. Eventually, they give in and research your question. At least half the time they end-up changing something in the code. Hah.
I am reading a lot of copy that sings praises to Oracle for trying to consolidate all the competition by buying them. Smart move, I guess. The pundits must know.
All I know is that the Oracle ERP applications are a rat's nest of 5th normal form database design. Theoretically elegant; yet it practice - unusable. The relationships in this database are a puzzle that no one I know has solved. No one can produce an up-to-date Data model that shows how things actually work together. We actually have to reverse engineer the data to come up with a working data dictionary.
I am convinced that the whole ERP industry is nothing more than a huge lobby. They don't manufacture software, they bribe, then intimidate CIO's to get on board with these expensive systems that don't do half of what the systems they are replacing do. How do they get away with it? These young folks seem smart, but unfortunately they have never seen how efficient and usable the pre-ERP world was.
So what if I sound like an old fart. No one listened to me when I was a young fart either. No one wants to hear that the Emperor is wearing only a smile, and lordy no one wants to be the one to tell him.
9/14/2005
9/07/2005
Talk About Hellholes
Our project has solidly entered the phase of the SDLC that I call "finger-pointing." This is more-or-less a sophisticated variant of musical chairs. Some poor sucker who failed to protect their nether regions from culpability with wads of CYA documentation is usually attacked at one of the daily status/issues meeting.
Here are some of the phrases that signal the advent of you being selected as the cause of all problems:
"How come this issue was not raised before?"
"When did you get in this morning?
"This is all your fault!"
Your phone rings. Caller ID reads Conference Room 3344 -where they are having a perpetual status meeting. Your boss says, "Got a minute?"
No Worries - No one is bothering me these days. Perhaps I have learned something from my tedious career in IT. My actions and intentions have all been documented and recorded in the master documentation portal. I am able to anticipate every micromanaging inquiry (or accusation) and spend the first working hour of each day documenting my status. It does not matter that progress is glacial as long as you can identify the real culprit (generally the hapless user who did not return your phone call.) My daily memoes are like a porcupine's quills, or a skunk's sphincter - the micromanaging nitpickers move on to more unprotected flesh.
The real suffering is experienced by less mature team members who think that they can actually make a difference by working harder. In their zeal to show how dedicated they are, these poor sukkas stay late, come-in early and offer to give up their weekends to "make it happen."
The good news for all of us is that it is almost over. Most of the senior IT management is resigned to the net disappointment of yet another puzzling failed opus. They have started to plan the victory celebration or perhaps they are distracted by thoughts that maybe their next gig will be successful. Most of them will be moving on to other locations and clients instead of being fired (as they would if there was any justice). It is only the micro managing ankle biters are still working 12 hours a day trying to assess which of the victims of supervisory incompetence is to blame. The client project team is either clueless or cleverly taking the stance that everything is super freaking great. Perception is reality, they say.
Sooner or later some one is going to ask a critical business question and then the sky will fall. Hard. Category five. Hey, I am just thankful that my project is not in New Orleans.
Here are some of the phrases that signal the advent of you being selected as the cause of all problems:
"How come this issue was not raised before?"
"When did you get in this morning?
"This is all your fault!"
Your phone rings. Caller ID reads Conference Room 3344 -where they are having a perpetual status meeting. Your boss says, "Got a minute?"
No Worries - No one is bothering me these days. Perhaps I have learned something from my tedious career in IT. My actions and intentions have all been documented and recorded in the master documentation portal. I am able to anticipate every micromanaging inquiry (or accusation) and spend the first working hour of each day documenting my status. It does not matter that progress is glacial as long as you can identify the real culprit (generally the hapless user who did not return your phone call.) My daily memoes are like a porcupine's quills, or a skunk's sphincter - the micromanaging nitpickers move on to more unprotected flesh.
The real suffering is experienced by less mature team members who think that they can actually make a difference by working harder. In their zeal to show how dedicated they are, these poor sukkas stay late, come-in early and offer to give up their weekends to "make it happen."
The good news for all of us is that it is almost over. Most of the senior IT management is resigned to the net disappointment of yet another puzzling failed opus. They have started to plan the victory celebration or perhaps they are distracted by thoughts that maybe their next gig will be successful. Most of them will be moving on to other locations and clients instead of being fired (as they would if there was any justice). It is only the micro managing ankle biters are still working 12 hours a day trying to assess which of the victims of supervisory incompetence is to blame. The client project team is either clueless or cleverly taking the stance that everything is super freaking great. Perception is reality, they say.
Sooner or later some one is going to ask a critical business question and then the sky will fall. Hard. Category five. Hey, I am just thankful that my project is not in New Orleans.
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