Normally I am not a neat person. Neatness demands constant attention to trivialities; I am too engaged with important thoughts to be bothered with miniscule and redundant tasks like making beds and dusting picture frames or putting books back on shelves.
This is not to say that I am un-hygienic. Lord knows, some folks think me to be an "obsessive germophobic". (Like my friend George who, despite my complaints, will seamlessly go from checking the dog for anal warts to handling the ice cubes to freshen your cocktail. echh.)
I admit to being a little disorganized, maybe even messy. Is that so wrong? Disorder is not against the law, nor is it specified as an affront against the Almighty in scripture. Please do not lecture me. I am unlikely to change my ways after all these years.
However, every now and then, I am possessed by an inexpicable desire to put things in order. Often it comes upon me after viewing an episode of "Hoarders" on cable TV. If you haven't seen it, it's one of those reality shows where they film some deranged old hag or toothless fellow living alone in an old house which is filled with so much crap that the occupant cannot use some of the rooms. The subject of each episode is simply unable throw anything away - even garbage, cat feces and ... other stuff that makes you feel itchy just watching.
Each episode starts with a video tour of the dilapidated and unkempt dwelling. Some well-meaning relative or concerned neighbor has notified the authorities, who come, on camera to evaluate the situation. Usually, the occupant is depicted as a bull-goose-loony. Then, they clean up the mess. It is a walking ad for 1-800-got-junk. Then they wrap the nutball in wet sheets and cart him or her off to the funny farm.
Even if you are clinically sane and can prove it, watching the outrageous behavior of some of these crazy people makes one feel guilty -- even if you are only a minor league collector -- who saves old neswpapers and magazines, maybe some old plastic bags and other stuff that might come in handy someday. Maybe your wife claims that people who can't make room in the garage to park the car may be in need of an Intervention. (Which is another reality show I do not want to be featured on.)
So, I am entering one of those phases where I put things away, coil the hose, put the wheelbarrow behind the shed - that sort of thing.
Recently I have also been cleaning up my social networking debris.
- I dropped-out of classmates.com - which has the clunkiest interface, sleazy ads, and virtually no useful content.
- I 'de-friended' a bunch of people on Facebook for inane postings, egregious postings of kid pictures or habitual religious quotations.
- I even cancelled Netflix. We got tired of subsidizing their marketing - intrusive popup ads and free membership for new subscribers. Besides they just installed a redbox kiosk at Roche Bros market $1buck a night.
- We are also letting our WSJ subscription run-out. Since Murdock took over, the slant of news and opinion has become embarassingly biased - worse than the left-leaning media that they constantly criticize. Talk about pot calling kettle black. The WSJ was once a fine source of real news; now it is merely a New York Times for neocons. The drone of anti-Obama ranting is just so over-the-line that it almost makes you want to vote him into a second term, even though you suspect that would be like gnawing off your arm just to make a point. So the easiest thing is to stop reading the nattering naybobs of negativism.
So, goodbye to the clutter and complexity of the past. Hello to the new and simple here and now.
1/25/2011
1/20/2011
Super Bowl Thoughts
The problem with watching football on TV:
If there was Truth-in-Broadcasting law, the TV announcers doing Super Bowl coverage would be required to say, “We Interrupt this 48 minute Commercial Break with a few minutes of football hype, some re-plays, some sideline interviews with the running back’s mom, highlight plays from other games, and every now and then, some real football action.”
Last year a record number of viewers -- more than 106 million -- tuned-in to the NFL football championship game between the New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis. They watched 48 minutes of ads, for a total of 66 commercial messages. This does not count all the pregame coverage hype and associated ads.
There is no news in the fact that the professional football industry is driven by TV advertising revenue. Even during the regular season games, they force lengthy time-outs during the game to inflict a barrage of commercials to the numb-nuts viewers who can’t find the clicker to see what else is on. (Chances are that most viewers over age 55 switch to a rerun of “Law and Order” and then forget to switch back until the next commercial break ).
Most of us seasoned armchair sports fans use the commercial breaks to go to the bathroom or get a fresh beer. Feed the cats. Check our email. Or clean the garage. We might watch a new commercial the first time out of curiosity, but after the 3rd time we get bored and use the break to read the paper or update our Facebook profiles. Here is a partial list of samo-samo commercials that inevitably make me reach for the mute button:
Home Depot - I go there anyway, leave me alone.
Dominos - never tried it, never will.
Verizon –who gives a crap if I’m covered in Iowa?
Viagra, Cialis - How do you explain floppy wiener to a nine year old?
Coors Lite - How dumb are you if you need the label to turn blue to tell you if its cold enough to drink
Droid – what the heck is it anyway?
Promos for other upcoming shows
Lexus – can’t afford one, they are just sexed-up Camry’s anyhow.
Dunkin donuts – always disappointing
Toyota – just annoying
Chevy Silverado 500th time ive seen it
Ford F150 – Dennis Leary reading big print. Yawn.
Taco Bell - The drive thru diet.com - she lost 50 lbs yeah, right!
TD Ameritrade – yeah I need more risk in my life.
Geiko – WTF does a lizard have to do with insurance?
Progressive – Hey lady, just shut the f*ck up, willya?
Someone did a study a while back counting the percentage of time, the game is actually being played – i.e., when someone has the ball and is running with it, or trying to catch, throw or kick it. The clock time is 60 minutes, but most of that time is spent with players standing around waiting for someone to tell them what to do, or engaging in chest-bumping celebrations. I think they calculated about nine minutes of actual live football playing. And the announcers will not stop yakking.
Oh and don’t get me started about replay fatigue. And the endless attempts of the color announcer to kick up the interest level of the analysis by quoting useless statistics. "Brady hasn't thrown an interception in a game played in a stadium south of the 38th parallel!"
Some games I spend on the computer updating my blog or Facebook page with the sound turned down and if an interesting play happens (indicated by an elevated volume of crowd noise) I watch the inevitable replay. Or if I doze off on the couch, I am confident that I will not really miss any action because of the multiple game summaries, halftime reports and post game analyses.
If there was Truth-in-Broadcasting law, the TV announcers doing Super Bowl coverage would be required to say, “We Interrupt this 48 minute Commercial Break with a few minutes of football hype, some re-plays, some sideline interviews with the running back’s mom, highlight plays from other games, and every now and then, some real football action.”
Last year a record number of viewers -- more than 106 million -- tuned-in to the NFL football championship game between the New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis. They watched 48 minutes of ads, for a total of 66 commercial messages. This does not count all the pregame coverage hype and associated ads.
There is no news in the fact that the professional football industry is driven by TV advertising revenue. Even during the regular season games, they force lengthy time-outs during the game to inflict a barrage of commercials to the numb-nuts viewers who can’t find the clicker to see what else is on. (Chances are that most viewers over age 55 switch to a rerun of “Law and Order” and then forget to switch back until the next commercial break ).
Most of us seasoned armchair sports fans use the commercial breaks to go to the bathroom or get a fresh beer. Feed the cats. Check our email. Or clean the garage. We might watch a new commercial the first time out of curiosity, but after the 3rd time we get bored and use the break to read the paper or update our Facebook profiles. Here is a partial list of samo-samo commercials that inevitably make me reach for the mute button:
Home Depot - I go there anyway, leave me alone.
Dominos - never tried it, never will.
Verizon –who gives a crap if I’m covered in Iowa?
Viagra, Cialis - How do you explain floppy wiener to a nine year old?
Coors Lite - How dumb are you if you need the label to turn blue to tell you if its cold enough to drink
Droid – what the heck is it anyway?
Promos for other upcoming shows
Lexus – can’t afford one, they are just sexed-up Camry’s anyhow.
Dunkin donuts – always disappointing
Toyota – just annoying
Chevy Silverado 500th time ive seen it
Ford F150 – Dennis Leary reading big print. Yawn.
Taco Bell - The drive thru diet.com - she lost 50 lbs yeah, right!
TD Ameritrade – yeah I need more risk in my life.
Geiko – WTF does a lizard have to do with insurance?
Progressive – Hey lady, just shut the f*ck up, willya?
 |
| Guys Watching Football |
Someone did a study a while back counting the percentage of time, the game is actually being played – i.e., when someone has the ball and is running with it, or trying to catch, throw or kick it. The clock time is 60 minutes, but most of that time is spent with players standing around waiting for someone to tell them what to do, or engaging in chest-bumping celebrations. I think they calculated about nine minutes of actual live football playing. And the announcers will not stop yakking.
Oh and don’t get me started about replay fatigue. And the endless attempts of the color announcer to kick up the interest level of the analysis by quoting useless statistics. "Brady hasn't thrown an interception in a game played in a stadium south of the 38th parallel!"
Some games I spend on the computer updating my blog or Facebook page with the sound turned down and if an interesting play happens (indicated by an elevated volume of crowd noise) I watch the inevitable replay. Or if I doze off on the couch, I am confident that I will not really miss any action because of the multiple game summaries, halftime reports and post game analyses.
Between commercials, there is way too much talking –a lot of it repetitive. Did I mention that it seems repetitive and also redundant. Recaps, replays, highlights, more replays "wait, let's look at this in slo- mo. Did his knee touch the ground before he went out..."
Then they have those babes on the sideline interviewing the running back’s mother. "What type of soup does he like?" If you want to have women talking about football, fine, get some mannish looking female. A good looking woman with great hair and makeup has zero credibility when talking about football.
There are continual assaults on concentration. Every time there is a perceived lull, they cut away to the sports desk to highlight plays from other games that you are not interested in. Fast cuts make me dizzy.
 |
| Distractions abound |
Crawls – the person who invented crawls needs to be tortured and hanged. I will give a million dollars to the inventor who can give me the option to block the play-by-play and color commentary but keep the other crowd noise and player audio; and also block crawls and those annoying superimposed promos of upcoming events. Note to Fox: Your animated football playah robot has no conceivable purpose. It needs to be banned.
In summary, watching the Game on TV is getting to be a tedious,annoying and distracting experience. The only thing that could be worse is actually going to the stadium and paying $40 to park, plus the price of a case of scotch to freeze your ass off in one of their tiny seats, while the people in front will not sit down, and the drunk next to you spills his beer on your pants.
1/19/2011
Retired Guys and Sick Days
A recent nationwide survey found that three out of four people admit that they go to work when they are sick. So if you caught the flu from one of your co-workers who are to scared to stay home because they are worried about losing their job, you might think to yourself "Hey, I might just as well just go in and keep spreading it around just like 3/4 of my workmates did."
On the other hand, perhaps you are one of the few considerate people who don't drag your germy ass in to work (or the theater, or public transportation, etc.) when you are sick with something that is catchy.
If so, then you should be content in the knowledge that, if there is a Heaven, then you will be one of the Selected ones who is rewarded with eternal peace in a flu-free land where no coughs are heard, the phrase "gesundheit" is not necessary, and "the runs" is just a forgotton, earthly memory.
One of the surprise perks of Retirement is the no-fault ease of cancelling your luncheon or earlybird dinner outings with the other ROMEOs (Retired Old Men Eating Out).
We tend to be very understanding and forgiving when someone calls at the last-minute to say they can't make it because they have a cold. We don't want to catch it, so we are glad to re-schedule.
The thing is, when you are retired and on the slow track, it doesn't make much difference if you go to lunch on tuesday versus thursday. This week, next week, it's all the same. We don't have anything else to do except go fishing, play golf and go to our medical appointments.
And, none of us bounce back from those maladies the way we did in our youth. The old macho ethic (Wild horses couldn't keep me away) has given way to a heightened sensitivity to the role of microbes to our sense of well-being. We have become a generation of weenies. Now our comitment to a date is tempered with caveats about weather and health.
By the way, I hate going to medical appointments -- those waiting rooms are filled with sick people.
On the other hand, perhaps you are one of the few considerate people who don't drag your germy ass in to work (or the theater, or public transportation, etc.) when you are sick with something that is catchy.
If so, then you should be content in the knowledge that, if there is a Heaven, then you will be one of the Selected ones who is rewarded with eternal peace in a flu-free land where no coughs are heard, the phrase "gesundheit" is not necessary, and "the runs" is just a forgotton, earthly memory.
One of the surprise perks of Retirement is the no-fault ease of cancelling your luncheon or earlybird dinner outings with the other ROMEOs (Retired Old Men Eating Out).
We tend to be very understanding and forgiving when someone calls at the last-minute to say they can't make it because they have a cold. We don't want to catch it, so we are glad to re-schedule.
The thing is, when you are retired and on the slow track, it doesn't make much difference if you go to lunch on tuesday versus thursday. This week, next week, it's all the same. We don't have anything else to do except go fishing, play golf and go to our medical appointments.
And, none of us bounce back from those maladies the way we did in our youth. The old macho ethic (Wild horses couldn't keep me away) has given way to a heightened sensitivity to the role of microbes to our sense of well-being. We have become a generation of weenies. Now our comitment to a date is tempered with caveats about weather and health.
By the way, I hate going to medical appointments -- those waiting rooms are filled with sick people.
1/16/2011
Memory and Vision
Recently, I decided to do something about my PC, which was running like a turtle. It took forever to open new applications or to save data. I read somewhere that you can speed things up by adding a RAM card. Simply put, the more RAM memory, the faster the computer processes the data. My old Dell had only .5 GB.
I went to Staples. For $44, I was able to buy a 1 GB memory card which I was able to install in my computer. Presto, now my PC runs like a jackrabbit.
It occurred to me: Wouldn't it be great if we could just go down to the Mall and buy a snap-in, add-on memory upgrade for our human brains?
As we age, most of us lose our keys and glasses periodically, but these are not the dreaded signs of senility. The experts say that you don't need to start worrying when someone misplaces the keys; you worry when they don't know what the keys are for.
As I grow older I tend to be sensitive to memory issues. While I often have flashbacks that are vivid and detailed, I find that large chunks of memories have seemingly disappeared. Sometimes it is just a temporary lapse of memory, like when you are looking for your keys and suddenly you wonder "What the heck am I looking for?"
Not long ago, I read a new book by Nora Ephron titled "I Remember Nothing." If you have forgotten who Nora Ephron is, she wrote the screenplays to the movies "When Harry met Sally" and "Sleepless in Seattle."
She admits that she can't remember the names of people she meets at parties, and can't even recall the names of her favorite movie stars without Googling them on her Smartphone. She frequently gets lost.
This may sound like familiar complaints to aging baby boomers. It is inspirational to read her reflections which are often, admittedly, blurry. It shows that a mentally competent writer can forget important people and things, just like the rest of us.
My most annoying item of forgetfulness is reading glasses. I am always losing them. I cant read the computer screen, caller-id readout, or read the daily newspaper without magnifiers. Recently, I decided to solve my vision problem.
BJ's, one of the warehouse outlets nearby was offering a free trial membership, and while perusing the vast aisles, we noticed a display of 4 pairs of eyeglasses (readers) for less than $20. Clearly this was the solution to the problem. The plan: put one pair by the PC, one in the bedroom nightstand, one on the kitchen counter and one in my coat so wherever I went there would always be a pair of glasses to read small print.
This worked great for a few days. Last night, searching for a pair of glasses, I noticed that there were five pair on my bureau.
Where the heck did the other pair come from?
I went to Staples. For $44, I was able to buy a 1 GB memory card which I was able to install in my computer. Presto, now my PC runs like a jackrabbit.
It occurred to me: Wouldn't it be great if we could just go down to the Mall and buy a snap-in, add-on memory upgrade for our human brains?
As we age, most of us lose our keys and glasses periodically, but these are not the dreaded signs of senility. The experts say that you don't need to start worrying when someone misplaces the keys; you worry when they don't know what the keys are for.
As I grow older I tend to be sensitive to memory issues. While I often have flashbacks that are vivid and detailed, I find that large chunks of memories have seemingly disappeared. Sometimes it is just a temporary lapse of memory, like when you are looking for your keys and suddenly you wonder "What the heck am I looking for?"
Not long ago, I read a new book by Nora Ephron titled "I Remember Nothing." If you have forgotten who Nora Ephron is, she wrote the screenplays to the movies "When Harry met Sally" and "Sleepless in Seattle."
She admits that she can't remember the names of people she meets at parties, and can't even recall the names of her favorite movie stars without Googling them on her Smartphone. She frequently gets lost.
This may sound like familiar complaints to aging baby boomers. It is inspirational to read her reflections which are often, admittedly, blurry. It shows that a mentally competent writer can forget important people and things, just like the rest of us.
My most annoying item of forgetfulness is reading glasses. I am always losing them. I cant read the computer screen, caller-id readout, or read the daily newspaper without magnifiers. Recently, I decided to solve my vision problem.
BJ's, one of the warehouse outlets nearby was offering a free trial membership, and while perusing the vast aisles, we noticed a display of 4 pairs of eyeglasses (readers) for less than $20. Clearly this was the solution to the problem. The plan: put one pair by the PC, one in the bedroom nightstand, one on the kitchen counter and one in my coat so wherever I went there would always be a pair of glasses to read small print.
This worked great for a few days. Last night, searching for a pair of glasses, I noticed that there were five pair on my bureau.
Where the heck did the other pair come from?
1/12/2011
1/05/2011
Beginnings
They say that every storm begins with a single drop of rain. Perhaps this is what we're seeing in the reports of massive animal kills and Arkansas and Louisiana. In Beebe, Arkansas more than 5000 redwinged black birds fell from the sky on New Year's Eve over a square mile. Just a few days before that, hundreds of fish were found dead in a river. Now, we hear that hundreds more redwinged blackbirds fell from the sky in Louisiana. Can reports of alien sightings/abductions be far away?
Elsewhere in the news there are reports of all kinds of scary happenings. Brett Favre formerly (and briefly of the Jets) was named in a lawsuit today by two so called "massage therapists" who accused him of sending lewd messages. There was another reporter who accused him of sending her pictures taken by his phone of his junk.
Since when is that a crime?
While we're on the topic of women reporters interviewing male athletes and coaches, I disapprove. Some of you might accuse me of being a piggy male chauvinist, but someone needs to point out that there are times and situations where gender bias is legitimate. A few weeks ago I heard a woman doing color of a football game and I just had to shut it off. It was all wrong. It was awful! Here I was ready for sports talk and this Barbie voice is talking about blocking and tackling. It was like listening to someone playing Shostakovich's 5th symphony on an accordion -- all wrong.
If you ask me, they shouldn't allow women reporters to follow players into the locker rooms or even on the field on game day. Invariably, they ask the coach "What did your mother have for lunch?" Or, " how great is it to be ahead by 14 points at the half?" Feelings? Excitement? You can see it in the eyes of the interviewee: Please shut-up. Stop asking useless questions. Go away.
If they want to have chicks on the TV screen, why don't they show more extensive coverage of the scantily-clad cheerleaders?
============
The other big story today is about the Navy captain who produced what they call "raunchy" videos for use aboard the ship the good ship Enterprise. Certainly captain Kirk wouldn't have approved, but what's the big deal? by all accounts, the films were appreciated by the people for whom they were intended (i.e. the members of the ship.)
What has become of us, When a popular and effective ship's captain is to be punished and his career to be destroyed because he had a good sense of humor and was willing to perhaps go over the line on a few occasions?
Just typical of the wussification of our culture, I guess.
Elsewhere in the news there are reports of all kinds of scary happenings. Brett Favre formerly (and briefly of the Jets) was named in a lawsuit today by two so called "massage therapists" who accused him of sending lewd messages. There was another reporter who accused him of sending her pictures taken by his phone of his junk.
Since when is that a crime?
While we're on the topic of women reporters interviewing male athletes and coaches, I disapprove. Some of you might accuse me of being a piggy male chauvinist, but someone needs to point out that there are times and situations where gender bias is legitimate. A few weeks ago I heard a woman doing color of a football game and I just had to shut it off. It was all wrong. It was awful! Here I was ready for sports talk and this Barbie voice is talking about blocking and tackling. It was like listening to someone playing Shostakovich's 5th symphony on an accordion -- all wrong.
If you ask me, they shouldn't allow women reporters to follow players into the locker rooms or even on the field on game day. Invariably, they ask the coach "What did your mother have for lunch?" Or, " how great is it to be ahead by 14 points at the half?" Feelings? Excitement? You can see it in the eyes of the interviewee: Please shut-up. Stop asking useless questions. Go away.
If they want to have chicks on the TV screen, why don't they show more extensive coverage of the scantily-clad cheerleaders?
============
The other big story today is about the Navy captain who produced what they call "raunchy" videos for use aboard the ship the good ship Enterprise. Certainly captain Kirk wouldn't have approved, but what's the big deal? by all accounts, the films were appreciated by the people for whom they were intended (i.e. the members of the ship.)
What has become of us, When a popular and effective ship's captain is to be punished and his career to be destroyed because he had a good sense of humor and was willing to perhaps go over the line on a few occasions?
Just typical of the wussification of our culture, I guess.
1/02/2011
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