Things I need to tell my Grandkids

Here are some of the things I wish someone had convinced me to do in my youth

1. Keep a journal.  It doesn’t have to be fancy, just an inexpensive three ring notebook will do.  Adopt a habit of writing in it in it every day.  Write about what happened to you that day.  How did your plan for the day work out?  What are you going to do tomorrow?  What seems important to you?  Capture ideas, lessons, mistakes, special experiences – arguments or lucky breaks.            [I started keeping a journal in the mid 80’s.] When you re-read these thoughts and opinions years later, you will get a true perspective of who you are, and what your dominant thoughts are.  What you are paying attention to at any period in your life is what creates your Reality.  Also, you will realize how many details we forget.

2. Don’t get fat.  Being overweight accounts for many associated maladies.
3. Don’t let mistakes get you down.  Almost everything one learns in life is through mistakes.  Fear is the biggest force that slows us down.  Fear of appearing stupid, or fear of failure.  Try to see those mistakes as positive learning opportunities.
4. When in doubt, ask.
5. Be positive.  If you cannot say anything positive be quiet.  Do not offer criticism unless it is requested.
6. Justify others’ trust in you. Deliver on your promises.  Don’t gossip. Show up on time, ready to go.
7. Be likable but accept the fact that not everyone will like you.  Don’t waste your time trying to please them.
8. Exercise every day.  Take up a sport that makes exercise interesting.
9. Do not start smoking.  It is not cool. It will not only shorten your life, but ruin your lungs, which you will need if you live beyond age 40.
10. Don’t believe anything your peers tell you without authoritative corroboration. See this tattoo on my arm? When I was thirteen My buddy said they only last for six months and then fade away. It didn’t.
11. Be very reluctant to do anything that is irreversible.  e.g., tattoos

As long as I'm here...

We've all been in unpleasant situations when we thought, or said aloud, "I don't want to be here."   Whether it is in the chair at the dentist's office, or sitting in the cramped middle row seat of an airplane on a 6 hr. trip, or in a boring monthly status meeting, everyone has experienced extended moments when they wanted to be somewhere else.

This is an inevitable fact of existence. Much as we would like to be in complete control, we simply cannot eliminate unpleasant experiences from our lives. More often than we care to admit, we are subject to the decisions of others as to how we spend time.  If you have a spouse, a parent or boss, someone is making you do stuff you didn't want to do.  As long as we accept the conventions of civilized society, we will have to stand in lines, endure traffic jams, go to events that we so not wish to attend, be somewhere on-time, suffer boredom, smile when we actually feel annoyed, sit in medical office waiting rooms, and so-on*. 

But, sitting in a chair in a waiting room, or even standing in line can be pleasant activities in the right context.  If you have an interesting book to read or someone to talk to, the time tends to pass pleasantly.  But if you are alone with nothing to read, time goes slowly and negative thoughts start to take over. You start to feel annoyed. 

Most of what we experience actually occurs in the mind, not in the external world.  Emotional reactions, such as anxiety, fear, stress, annoyance may seem involuntary, but maybe they can be controlled.    


Nowadays when I feel myself becoming annoyed, I try to remind myself, "... as long as I am here, I might as well have fun."    This simple thought actually works to change the focus from the negative to a more positive channel.  Just the mental exercise of willing yourself to think of ways to make the experience more tolerable can cast a different light on the situation.   



*One thing that has been working for me lately is Crossword Puzzles.  Despite my love of words, I have never been good at doing crossword puzzles.  I've often derided my many friends who do crosswords as "having a good vocabulary, but a diminished sense of context."  I never had much patience for completing them.   However, I started doing the crosswords in the daily paper whenever I had to sit and wait for something, and pretty soon got hooked.  I am still challenged by the hard ones (eg, WSJ and NYT) but I can usually finish 97% of the ones in the weekday Globe.  When they deliver it. I believe this is a good example of turning a lemon (boring wait time) into lemonade.