editorial musings

Editorial Musings

The editor was sitting at his PC reading emails.   Mostly glance and delete.  Then  boom.  One of his clients – the high maintenance cowboy film director who thought his writing didn’t stink – had written a snarky epitaph to the final edit of his essay.   “I found a few more typos, which I EDITED.” 

The Editor took a long swig of his Sierra Nevada and burped.  He had a reputation for being a ruthless murderer of other people’s  darlings, those bon mots and delicious gems that add nothing to the story,   and a butcher of  clichés, mindless puns, and digressions.    His crimes typically went unpunished,  as he had possession of an class #007 Editorial License.

But, this was not good.  Typos in the final edit were showing up more often lately.  He was embarrassed and grumpy.   He picked up the phone and dialed.

“Hello.  Fazool Editorial Assistants, How can we help you?”

“Achmed?  This is Ed.”

“Ah, Mister Ed, I am pleased to hear you calling. How may I be of service?”

“You know that document I sent to you yesterday.”

“Oh yes, the cowboy film director.  That was indeed a challenge.  His draft was 1300 words and we cut it down to 625 words so it could be published.  We had three of our best writers working on it. “

“Well the motherfucker complained that it still had typos.”

“Vishnu tells us that no one is perfect, Sahib.”

“Cut that shit out or I’ll fire all of your asses.”  Another loud belch.

“Ok, ok, Just kidding, dude. Jeez.   Very sorry about the typos – our spell checker was in the shop this week for repairs.”

“So, I don’t want any of these complaints in the future.  You get that?”

“I promise on my mother’s eyes, we will not let any typos get through in future.  Oh, did you get our invoice?”

“Yes, you will be getting the same – if the thing gets published – as agreed, two cents per published word.”

“Ok, boss.  Any chance we could boot it up a few pennies?  The writers have families….”

The editor burped loudly into the receiver and pressed the off button.  He jotted a note in the ledger and wondered to himself whether outsourcing was such a good idea.