In my experience, most surprises are just disappointing, because they show how little your dear ones actually understand you. But the worst part is that you cannot simply scream at them "That's not what I wanted!" because you have to be a good sport.
Your tie rack and basement are already clogged with gifts that you didn't want. Yet the need to give gifts is a strong force, despite the giftee's desires. At my age, if I need or want something, I just buy it. End of story. I do not wait for Christmas or my birthday --who knows whether I'll still be in-the-moment to celebrate those occasions?
My family already thinks of me as a curmudgeon, so I am certain that it is not a surprise that I finally go public with my “Do not Give” list. The grouch in me asks: who decided that this Holy Day of Celebration should be accompanied by the giving of gifts?
I think I am not alone here, after all, don't prospective Brides and Grooms register for gifts at their favorite stores for exactly the same reason? Maybe they don't like surprises either.
The people who want to surprise you honestly think they have figured you out. They believe that getting you into a room under false pretenses where dozens of friends and or relatives shout "surprise" is your idea of a wonderful moment of unity and love. As the burning bullet of "SURPRISE!" pierces your chest, you clutch your heart, fall to the floor and begin to expire. They keep laughing because they think you are pretending. And, in those fading moments, when life ebbs to that eternal low tide, you smile in amazement that so many people took time out of their busy lives -- just to give you heart failure.
A list of things I don't want.
After shave Lotion
Books not on my list
CD's not on my list
Tools not on my List
Other things that are not on my List
Things I do want:
Single Malt Scotch or Irish Whiskey
Buy me a Beer
Mow My Lawn
Get My Car Washed
Books, tools and CD's that are on My List
