Some Lack the "Fan" Gene

Hooray for Red Sox fans. 

Your team won the 2013 World Series.  I enjoyed watching the last few weeks of baseball.  I must admit: I am a fair-weather fan.  I don't buy tickets to any professional sport.  (As I have said before, I don't pay to watch other people work).  And I did not watch a single regular season game for more than half-an-hour. Most of the year, baseball games are tedious, but when there is a title on the line, any sport can be worth watching.    ( The chief exception to this rule is golf, which to me is the most boring "sport" to watch (or play) ever devised by man.  And that includes synchronized swimming.)

I did not wake up today happier than usual.  I did appreciate the entertaining spectacle of the Post-season games, but it has no more to do with me than if I went to a good movie or stage performance. I don't identify with a group of total strangers who get paid to play a game.  How can I identify with them?  Some of them were the enemy last season, fer the love of Pete.  Only a handful of players have been Red Sox employees for more than a few years.  My team?  Hardly.  

Don't get me wrong, I don't disparage people who are die-hard fans.  I just don't have the same patience and self-esteem needs.  I know people who willingly spend more than the price of a case of good scotch for seats at a baseball or football game - outdoor events which maybe played in the rain and freezing cold with no guaranty that your favorite team will be entertaining or even good. Where the beer is expensive, the seats are small, maybe the guy next to you hasn't bathed or brushed his teeth in weeks, and when you leave it takes another hour to clear the congestion around the stadium.   

I guess I lack the "Fan" gene that invites you to bestow magical blessings on sports workers for no better reason than the fact that you like the uniform they are wearing.  Some people need to cheer for something, and lord knows, the political leadership in this country has given us precious little to cheer about.

But don't let my grumpiness spoil your day, you loyal, needy fans. 
Go online and buy more Sox memorabilia that you can wear proudly to show your loyalty. (It helps the economy and cushions the coffers of local merchants, because you never know when the players will go on strike, again.)  

Enjoy the Day, the thrill of Victory and the strutting arrogance of your joy -- keep acting as if YOU had done something special.

Don't Look For Me At Red Sox Opener

 

It has been many years now since I have set foot in Fenway Park to watch a game, mainly because the cost of actually sitting in the stands for me is dramatically out-of-proportion to the value of the experience, not to mention that the size of the seats is uncomfortably out-of-proportion to the space required by my posterior.



You often hear people say that there is “Nothing like being there” to watch a baseball game live at Fenway Park. But, with a zero out of six record, why would I want to endure the cost and inconvenience of trying to get my XXL butt into one of those size M seats just to watch the Yankees pummel the crap out of our guys?

Who are all these new guys anyhow?  What happened to the old days when a player would stay with a team for most of his career?  How do you suddenly love the shortstop who you hated last season when he was in another uniform?  This constant, incestuous marketing of bodies to the highest bidder does not inspire loyalty to a player or a team;  It's a reminder that these guys are not "playing" they are actually working.  Ho-hum.

Then there is the concession food at Fenway Park.  Besides costing an arm and a leg, it is probably hazardous to your health. Junk food raised to an art form. (I've often thought that "Red Sox Fever" was a real malady that you get from eating undercooked sausages.)  I hear you arguing that they have not failed any inspections since 2008, but I have my suspicions.

 I heard that they are serving sushi this year and hard liquor, too.  Ka-ching  @ $15 a pop.  And, now the affluent drunks in the stands can get even more obnoxious after pounding-down double mai tais, further adding to the being there experience.   If you needed another reason to watch the games from your safe, sanitary, suburban couch, this may be it.

Considering the risk of almost certain death by salmonella or some flesh-eating virus, plus the other inconveniences, I have so many reasons to stay home and watch the games in Hi Def Digital on my big flat screen TV – where I can languish in air-conditioned privacy in my comfortable leather armchair, refreshed by a reasonably priced, frosty beer to wash down my fresh, home-cooked sausage, that has NOT been prepared on filthy counter tops in the presence of insects and rodents. If I need to pause for the cause, I do not need to stand in a line of grumpy beer drinkers with distended bladders. When the game is over, I do not have to compete with 39,000 other fans to get a ride back to my house in the suburbs. Parking in my driveway is free.

So, I ask you true blue ticket buying fans, what am I missing, besides the chills and fever?