A Cold Day in the Hellhole

Man it is freezing here in the shadows of commerce. I'm thankful that technology has actually improved the process of getting unemployment benefits. It would be terrible to be standing out there in breadlines on frigid days like these.

The life of an unemployed job-seeker during a jobless economic recovery is not so bad, but sometimes it gets monotonous. (I am certainly undisturbed by employers answering my inquiries.) Some weeks, I only shave every other day. When I go out, to do chores, such as shopping for groceries, my typical uniform consists of an old gray baseball cap, sweatshirt, kahki dockers and tennis shoes. Everything is clean but a bit wrinkled, including me.

I have noticed that as I have gotten older, female strangers do not look at me the same way they used to. Age has mellowed me both in appearance and attitude. Young girls ignore me like I didn't exist; women in their twenties regard me warily, like I am probably either homeless or a pervert (maybe both); healthy looking thirtysomethings with kids in tow usually smile at me, (apparently thinking I look a lot like grandpa); middle-aged divorcees dressed in work-out togs look at the contents of my cart in the supermarket line, looking for signs of bachelorhood - weighing my paunch against their lonliness. I pretend they do not exist. I am untempted by the scent of desparation.

Today is a typical shopping day. The elderly cashier, seeing that I have a credit card that doesn't get rejected, and that my order does not contain any incontinence items, begins to flirt shamelessly ("You do not look like the plastic type to me. Let us bag your groceries in high quality recyclable paper.") She smiles sweetly at me, and then barks something in Portuguese to the bag boy.

I look at him. He is my age. He concentrates on getting the items in the bags. He looks a lot like a guy I once worked with. He was a COBOL programmer. Hoping for a sign of recognition, I look him in the eye as he hands me the bags, but he just he smiles vapidly. "Have a nice day," he says mechanically. I sit in the van for a full 3 minutes shivering, and not from the cold.