Gig from Hell

Perhaps it is not surprising to readers of this journal when I report that my current contracting assignment has turned into the Gig from Hell. What started out as a benevolent, routine Access Database job, working for "volunteer" wages at a local non-profit has devolved into a rat's nest of complications.

My first mistake was underestimating the work. My second mistake was assuming that the working conditions were agreeable. The third and biggest mistake was assuming that the users knew what they wanted.

I had estimated the cleanup effort at 40-60 hrs, and stipulated that my charges would not exceed the upper-limit. After I actually got in there and analyzed the situation, I was a bit surprised to find that there was no resident expert to explain why things are the way they are. And no one could articulate what they wanted me to do.

In my past lives, I always had a knowledgeable user who could define - or at least validate the business rules. At this place, my inquiry about business rules was met with a look of panic. We don't have business rules, my user almost sobbed from the stress of my probing interrogation.

That's when I realized that what they wanted was magic. Somehow the database should support some unknown objective. Just get rid of the records that we don't need. Oh, good let's talk about the ones you do need. I have no idea. That's why we hired You! Oh dear, that will take a bit longer.

Another vexing complication is my incompetence when it comes to actually doing labor intensive technical tasks. I can fudge my way through some basic SQL queries, but the mysteries of writing macros (or any form of code) seem to be beyond my ken. Another fortunate aspect of my professional career has been the luck of teaming-up with talented techies who like to do that sort of thing.

So, here I am. Alone on the open ocean of independent contracting - over my head with no life raft, mucking around with forms and mismatched data types and referential integrity - working for peanuts.

Oh yes it has been a learning experience. Corporate America, please, take me back!