I am pleased to report that my current "engagement" is coming to an end. Why am I pleased, you ask? (Honey, if you need to ask, you have clearly not been reading this blog. )
But just for the record, to apprise those newcomers who are too intelligent to dig back into history, let me summarize the top ten reasons why I would rather be home - staring out the window wondering how I am going to exterminate those pesky tomato eating squirrels this year - rather than schlepping my big retirement age ass 30 miles down the highway and back at rush hour every day.
Top ten reasons to be cheerful that my gig is over:
1) Did I mention that I hate being on the highway at drive time? Fellow commuters in their big scary SUVs and Truckers in their very big and scary 18 wheelers crawling up your rear bumper because you are only going ten miles over the speed limit. (Makes you want to just jam on your brakes to see what would happen) Or you get stuck for an hour in a huge traffic jam behind an accident scene all because some moron in a big SUV was tailgaiting some clueless idiot who wanted to teach the SUV a lesson by slamming on his brakes.
2) The system is among the worst I have ever seen. The users who have to work with it, hate it quite passionately. It was the wrong solution, peddled to an unwary customer. The managers who made the "buy" decision of course cannot admit that they might have bleeped up, so they blame all "problems" on the users and developers. Most of the middle managers are disappointed and pressured because they have to make things work somehow. It's fairly hopeless.
3) My shelflife is up. I am begining to smell. The three guys who interviewed me are all long gone, and on to better lives and locations. I too have lost the sense of magic and wonder that one feels at the beginning of a new project. Ok maybe I never had that sense on this job. I just feel intellectually antsy.
4) Micromanagement has robbed me of any feeling of ownership or responsibilty. I start looking at my watch just after morning coffee break. Sometimes in the afternoon I actually doze off for seconds at atime starting at some vacuous email that I have been CC'd on for some incomprehensible reason.
5) Indolence and autonomy becken. I have books waiting to be read. My Retirement portfolio needs balancing. The bedroom needs painting. Both toilets are running and wasting water. I sometimnes fall weeks behind on my blog because I am so tired at the end of the day that nothing seems worth writing about. I miss my long walks in the morning and hours spent in the periodical room at the library.
6) Freedom Calls. I want to go fishing or to the casino whenever I please. If I feel like sleeping late or staying up late, that's what I want to do. I want to have time to read the paper in the morning - not just the Op-ed page.
7) I am weary of showering and shaving every day. And getting a haircut every month and wearing laundered shirts and clean pressed trousers every day and wearing dress shoes. I want to go back to my Rockports and Dockers and tee shirts. Ponytail, beard, earings and....New tattoos! It is only a few more weeks until Spring.
8) I want to return to my old schedule, where I shop and do errands in the middle of the week when there is no traffic, and then do something interesting on weekends when the rest of the workd is jamming the local streets trying to get errands done.
9) Hardly any of my friends have jobs. Certainly none who are my age or older.
10) I have in my hand a potentially winning lottery ticket worth 23 million. Stay tuned. Drawing at 11pm.
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