Giving Back

I have another birthday coming up in a few days. No, this is not a cheap reminder that you forgot to send me a nice gift or even a crummy card; no - it merely a recognition that the hands of time turn inexorably forward.

I am the same age as Paul McCartney. My wife thinks I should keep working until he quits. But, I think that my own rock star days are just about over. Where the long and winding road ultimately leads is not clear at this moment, but I can see that the next stop is the local Social Security office.

Just like Bill Gates, I have decided to withdraw from the workaday world of work-and-worry. Henceforth, I plan to spend my time figuring-out how to best use my acquired wealth.

Here is my draft wish list of personal Philanthropy:

- A 25 foot Boston Whaler. I would use this vessel only for peaceful purposes to spread good will throughout the northern shores of greater Boston. I would help to purge the ocean of excess Striped Bass and Haddock. I would kill any crustaceans that
I found in my traps in a humane manner.

- A new lawn. My current lawn is an eyesore. During recent years it has been overrun by grubs and crabgrass. No one has actually said anything, but - judging by the worried looks on their faces - I feel certain that it is distressing for my neighbors to have to look at my sorry brown patch of sod as they trudge by on their way to and from the commuter train. A new lawn will just make everyone happier.

- Upgrade the Central Air Conditioning. This is a no brainer. The funds expended on this project will help the local economy. The HVAC guys will have a little extra in their pockets to spend at the mall and at the local eateries. A newer, quieter, more energy efficient unit will provide the soothing cool air that our adorable Siamese cats prefer on these hot humid dog days. This will result in less puking on the oriental carpet, which will lower the stress level of myself and the designated puke patrol foreperson - my wife. The quieter operation of the modern A/C unit will be less annoying to our neighbors who are trying to sit outside and have a quiet cookout in their yard. Also, we will not be wasting so much electricity, and that means less carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. The ice caps will eventually start to re-freeze. Polar Bears will return to the Arctic. The world will be saved from the effects of global warming. Trust me, everything will be better.

These are just a few items. I think a person should start giving back when he has been so abundantly blessed. Don't you?

The Grass is always Greener

One of the benefits of a regular job is the simplicity of routine. You do not have a lot of time in the morning to ruminate about how to spend your time. Since the boss wants your corpus to be at “the office” by a certain time, you need to jump out of bed, get abluted and dressed, grab some toast and coffee and be on the road – with all the other happy commuters.

This obligatory routine is denied to those of us who are characterized as: not-working.

You would think that I would be thrilled with the indolence of it all. The lack of demands on my time and physical location - which are normally dictated by one’s work - should be liberating. But, I have to admit, sometimes the sheer freedom of it all is a bit intimidating.

Choices are easy when you have to decide between two or three alternatives. But, we are not equipped by training, or habit of mind, or societal rule, to inform us how to make choices about what to do when you can do virtually anything (within the bounds of law and budget).

For example, I have before me a hastily scribbled list of things I could do right now:

Take a walk
Go fishing
Cook something
Go to the market
Work in the garden
Sweep-up pine pollen in the screen porch
Take the trash to the RDF (dump)
Read (newspapers or magazines or book)
Listen to the radio
Feed the cats (why are they always hungry?)
Watch TV
Check the help-wanted job boards
Go to the movies
Write (something more pithy that a weblog entry)
Mow the lawn (look at how well-manicured our neighbors' yards are.)
Prune the hedge
Call someone (Network)
Get in the van and drive around, go to the carwash or Jiffy Lube
Check stocks and IRA accounts
Put on my Johnny Winter’s greatest hits CD (Or Paul McCartney singing "When I'm 64")
Re-string the line on my fishing reel
Refurbish the gas grill
Get new eyeglasses
Go back to bed

I could go on for another 10 minutes but, I think you get the idea. None of the things on this list are dictated by any one telling me what to do and how to do it.

So. You are asking, “What’s your big problem?”

Well, actually, I am not really complaining. I just thought it might me interesting to those of you who are still schlepping every morning to some hellhole, where you never have to make a decision beyond choosing the type of bread you want with your tuna sandwich at lunch . You might realize how lucky you are not to have all these options to agonize over. The grass is always greener in the other fellow's yard.

It requires a certain toughness of spirit to work your way through such an intimidating (and if I say so, exhausting) list and to select one activity - at the exclusion of all others. After all, Life is short, and, especially at my age, one wants to optimize every minute. That’s a lot of pressure, my friend. It makes you sleepy...very sleepy......zzzzz.