Giving Back

I have another birthday coming up in a few days. No, this is not a cheap reminder that you forgot to send me a nice gift or even a crummy card; no - it merely a recognition that the hands of time turn inexorably forward.

I am the same age as Paul McCartney. My wife thinks I should keep working until he quits. But, I think that my own rock star days are just about over. Where the long and winding road ultimately leads is not clear at this moment, but I can see that the next stop is the local Social Security office.

Just like Bill Gates, I have decided to withdraw from the workaday world of work-and-worry. Henceforth, I plan to spend my time figuring-out how to best use my acquired wealth.

Here is my draft wish list of personal Philanthropy:

- A 25 foot Boston Whaler. I would use this vessel only for peaceful purposes to spread good will throughout the northern shores of greater Boston. I would help to purge the ocean of excess Striped Bass and Haddock. I would kill any crustaceans that
I found in my traps in a humane manner.

- A new lawn. My current lawn is an eyesore. During recent years it has been overrun by grubs and crabgrass. No one has actually said anything, but - judging by the worried looks on their faces - I feel certain that it is distressing for my neighbors to have to look at my sorry brown patch of sod as they trudge by on their way to and from the commuter train. A new lawn will just make everyone happier.

- Upgrade the Central Air Conditioning. This is a no brainer. The funds expended on this project will help the local economy. The HVAC guys will have a little extra in their pockets to spend at the mall and at the local eateries. A newer, quieter, more energy efficient unit will provide the soothing cool air that our adorable Siamese cats prefer on these hot humid dog days. This will result in less puking on the oriental carpet, which will lower the stress level of myself and the designated puke patrol foreperson - my wife. The quieter operation of the modern A/C unit will be less annoying to our neighbors who are trying to sit outside and have a quiet cookout in their yard. Also, we will not be wasting so much electricity, and that means less carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. The ice caps will eventually start to re-freeze. Polar Bears will return to the Arctic. The world will be saved from the effects of global warming. Trust me, everything will be better.

These are just a few items. I think a person should start giving back when he has been so abundantly blessed. Don't you?