“You won’t believe what neighbors found when they looked in the windows of this house,” the teaser says and we see a “live” shot of a nice white house on a suburban lot. Stay tuned to Live on 5. (Cut to commercial)
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A sultry weather babe with bodacious ta-tas exclaims with a worried look “Tornadoes headed for your backyard?” Stay tuned for a full report.
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And so it goes through the rest of the so-called news program. What is presented to us as a news weather and sports program has evolved into a mélange of infotainment snippets, which seem to be comprised of mostly teasers, urging us not to switch the channel: “Wait till you hear what this woman had to say after she was found working in a meatpacking plant in Chicago after being missing for twenty years…”
Getting their cues from supermarket tabloid headlines, the modern day news programmers have strayed pretty far from the traditional role of presenting news as ‘just the facts ma’m’. Now, the weather is news. The Red Sox is news. Gossip is news. Speculation is news. Paris Hilton is news..
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Pundits assure us that everyone wants to know about Paris Hilton’s bowel movements in the county jail, and remember just a few weeks ago, the world watched with great anticipation to learn the identity of the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s money child.
I don’t think most of the people, who tuned in to the news because they are wondering ‘what’s going on in the world,’ care a fig about such gossipy items.
I could be wrong on that. A lot of young people I know will actually admit that they watch programs like American Idol and Survivor. I guess seeing what dolts other people are can be comforting to an ordinary person struggling with a lousy work situation and the extraordinary demands of raising a family.
I don’t watch much TV anymore. I wish I could say that I am doing something noble with my time like reading great works of literature, or working on my novel, or helping the needy. But, no. I just putter around the yard, cursing the rodents that gnaw on my marigolds trying to invent a device that will be as efficient as an outdoor cat at diminishing the exploding population of squirrels chipmunks and rabbits...
I had an Elmer Fudd moment the other evening. when I saw a small waskally wabbit nibbling at the yellow marigolds I had recently planted (to fill-in spots where other flowers had been eaten)... Enraged, I picked up a rock and threw it hard at the rabbit. Amazingly, the rock struck the unsuspecting rabbit on the head and it keeled over, like a dishrag. Feeling a mixture of guilt and satisfaction, I removed the carcass to the compost heap. (Before you gasp in horror, I must admit that the rock apparently just knocked the rabbit unconscious, because when I came back from the shed with a shovel to bury it, the bunny was gone.)
Good thing the neighbor kids weren’t outside. If they had seen me they would probably have called the Animal Planet cops to turn me in for animal cruelty.
I can see the 10 Oclock news tease: “ Is this man (Mug shot of me) going to be Paris Hilton’s new cellmate? Stay tuned to find out.”
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