Your call is not that important to us

I am not anti-technology. However, I have always been critical of the world's worst application of digital technology: Interactive Voice Response (or IVR), which replaces phone-answering humans with automated voice messaging. The worst offender is Verizon - where you cannot talk to a human unless you spend at least ten minutes listening to your options as presented by a pleasant but digitally-mastered dominatrix.

Don't freaking lecture me about operational costs and efficiency. I am only interested in getting someone to give me some compensation for the hassles associated with my FIOS installation. And how come my Rebate Request is th only piece of mail that has been "lost" by USPS in my lifetime?

Your call is important to us, we apologize for the delay, but due to the heavy volume of calls we are making you wait - and possibly waste your valuable time - until for one of the few underpaid agents who probably don't speak your native tongue and who were not trained to handle your problem - can take your call. We apologize for the wait, but in truth, if we really cared, we would have hired more agents and trained them. This call may be monitored to check up on the agent to make sure they are not making personal calls to relatives in India. Thank you for your patience. [distorted Kenny G version of "Georgia on my Mind" plays in an endless loop]

I guess the attitude of management is "Outstanding Customer Service means making callers wait until they give-up in frustration. Hey the competition is just as bad, so, why should we give a crap? That's why we make the big bucks - we save money for the stockholders. Let the customers eat cake."

Thank you for your continued patience.