Where's My Check?

Here it is the first week in June and I want to know: where's my check?
Has anyone got their so-called economic stimulus money yet? What did you do with it?
I had originally thought I would use the money for a new lawnmower - made in America and all that. I figured it would be a win-win deal.

They say that Gods laughs at our plans. (Meanspirited of him, don't you think?) Perhaps you think it paranoid of me to suggest that God has driven the price of sweet crude to record heights for the sole purpose of thwarting my intention to buy a new lawnmower, but I'm just saying it looks pretty suspicious to me. The cost of almost everything is suddenly higher. (The one bright light: the cost of my favorite product - K-Y Warming Jelly - has stayed stable.)

But you cannot run a Grand Caravan on personal lubricant. And those rip-off artists at the dealer service center have reamed me to the tune of $900.00 (USD) to fix my brakes, a vacuum hose, and to install front-end anti-sway bar bushings. A fill-up now costs $65.00.

I hear some metaphysical chuckle in my inner-ear about my new plan: to use the government money to pay my Visa bill. Now, if the government goes belly-up before I get the check, I will know for sure that God is out to get me.