Irony in the Details

Lately I've noticed that there is an ironic connection in disparate news fragments. If you saw the movie "3 days of the Condor" you might relate to my sense that there are subtle messages in the innocent seeming data that even the nitpickers among us usually overlook in their quest to find garmmar and spelling errors.

For example, if you closely read the section in the paper that is titled "Recent Bird Sightings" I'll bet that among those seemingly mundane counts of spotted grebes and lesser plovers there is a secret code which terrorist cells use to monitor troop movements and plot secret missions.

And those Legal Notices...did anyone ever actually read one? Surely these incomprehensible statements are part of some sort of evil scheme to overthrow all that we hold decent and holy.

Every day it seems they are printing another of those global pandemic charts. Are they trying to scare us? Some people insist that the new flu be referred to by the name H1N1 rather than "swine flu." Apparently, every time some talking head on TV mentions the "SWINE FLU" porkbelly futures go into the dumpster. So of course, all the lobbyists for pork products are writing letters to the editor decrying the use of the term "SWINE FLU" since you can't get it from eating bacon - thank God for that! The TV Doctors say that we should stop shaking hands, hugging and kissing. Just wash your hands, they say, and sneeze into your armpit and everything will be ok.


But back to my main point about patterns in recent news items:

First we have the open senate seat, left vacant by Senator Kennedy's recent death. Just before his untimely demise, Kennedy initiated a campaign to urge the state legislature to reverse a law that he, himself had promoted back when Kerry was running for president. At that time Mitt Romney (a Republican) was the duly elected Governor. At that time, Mass law held that if a US Senatorial seat became vacant, the Governor would appoint a temporary Senator to fill the vacancy, until such time as a special election could be arranged. fearing that Romney would appoint an odious Republican to the seat, Kennedy and others convinced the Democratic majority of state legislators to change the law, which they did. Ironically, there was no need of the change, since Kerry was defeated by George Bush in the general election.
Fast forwarding to the present day, we in Massachusetts now have a Democratic Governor (Deval Patrick), and a vacant Senatorial seat. (The special election will be January, 2010)
Now, the cynical hypocrites see that the original change was a 'mistake' that should be rectified quickly. John Kerry, the sudden senior Senator and shameless gadabout, has betaken himself away from Washington DC to urge local lawmakers to fix this mistake. During his impassioned speech, Kerry asserted that Mass needs to have representation. Someone on the other side noted that Kerry had missed 90% of the votes during his run for the Presidency. (Ouch, irony can be a painful petard) Furthermore, one cannot help observing that the late Senator Ted was debilitated for the past year, and had not been present for many votes and hearings. Summarizing: Democrats are just as bad as Republicans.

An unrelated Irony: In the Boston Globe today there was a letter to the editor complaining about a recent cartoon that mocked the hype surrounding the SWINE FLU pandemic. The letter writer, who identified himself as a "risk communications consultant", castigates the Globe for printing an "extraordinarily dangerous" cartoon that implied that the pandemic was a lot of hype. Hmm. Here, I was thinking that it was a good thing that the newspaper was printing opposing opinions. By the way, the humorous content of cartoons can be lost on one whose ox is getting gored. Pardon me if I sound cynical but I would bet a Boston Creme donut that the risk communications consultant is getting checks from the H1N1 Pandemic State of Fear lobby. Ironically, you are more likely to die in your SUV on the highway going to the doctor for your swine flu shot(s) than you are to die of the swine flu, even though you will probably contract it.

In a related item, someone should have told President Obama, ix-nay on the issing-kay during last night's prime time televised speech, which was (ironically) about healthcare. During those tedious pre- and post-speech bouts of handshaking, hugging and kissing, all I could think of was what a great way to spread the flu. Maybe it would be a good thing if no one was able to show-up to vote for a few weeks. Everytime they vote on something it costs us money.

I gotta go wash my hands.