Not H1N1

Not to worry. I probably have a common cold, according to a licensed health care professional with whom I have had recent intercourse. (No, not the Tiger Woods kind of intercourse - you people really need to get a dictionary).

Also this diagnosis did not come from my social network of self-appointed health experts (i.e., everyone with an opinion and an email account). They didn't need a stinking diagnosis to offer a cure: "Take antibiotics", "Gargle with salt water", "Bury a dead cat under an elm tree in the moonlight" they tell me. "Leeches", "Irish Whiskey", "Juice", "Seaweed" they shout.

Just a common cold: Tell that to my throat and sinuses; they obviously think that they are entitled to a more interesting diagnosis. But beyond coughing and sneezing there is No fever, no gastrointestinal problems (i.e., probably not the flu & not a bacterial infection).

The Irish whiskey cure seems like it would be worth a shot, I argue. There might be some basis in medicine. After all the alcohol kills bacteria, right? Then Reality pours cold water on that track. A cold is caused by a virus, not a bacteria. Still, the nurse distinctly said to "Drink lots of fluids." My wife - who does not have a medical degree - insists that the nurse meant water-based fluids. I argue that whiskey is 80% water.

This is just another instance of a situation where everyone thinks they know what you should do.

But, in fact, no one knows really knows anything for certain. The Internet is full of conflicting information. One expert says to use hand sanitizers to kill cold and flu germs. Another expert says that rhino virus (common cold) thrives on alcohol! Some experts say wash your hands with hot soapy water long enough to sing "Happy Birthday" Another news item says it doesn't matter if the water is hot. To kill germs you need water to be boiling hot.

Anyway, thanks for all your get well cards and letters - and well-intended advice, however wrong and misguided.