The Grass is Always Greener

My wife thinks I am crazy because I keep looking at part time job postings on Craigslist.

"Why do you want to go back to some hellhole?" she wonders. Good question.

The simple answer is: I don't know. The more complicated and (potentially fictitious) reason is that I am  looking to find my place in the cosmos. One thing seems clear. I am restless with my status as "Retiree".

Being retired from the world of work is wonderful in many respects. You can sleep as late as you want in the morning. You have time to read the print versions of 2 papers, and have an unhurried breakfast. You can pretty much plan your day - take a walk, have lunch with friends, go to a movie.

Theoretically, you can golf and fish and wander around to your heart's content. You don't have some crazed boss demanding a status report, or wondering aloud at the staff meeting why your numbers aren't better. You don't waste two hours a day sitting in traffic. For once in your life, you finally have enough time for those extended trips to exotic places that you always talked about.

 
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks. You can't just sit around reading for hours on end and communing with nature every day, or napping like the cats. Anything gets boring if you do it day-in day-out.  Traveling can become both a distraction and a delight, but it does not fulfill you - unless you consider checking-off your bucket list as fulfillment.  And, there is the little matter of money.

If you are retired and rich, it makes things much easier.  But if you retired, collecting social security and have less than mega-millions in your  IRA, you are forced to make some trade-offs.   You cannot afford to travel all the time, and you cannot shop for trendy clothes or afford $40 haircuts anymore.

When I was younger, I was fulfilled by spending time in the garden and maintaining the grounds. I never thought of working in the yard as work because I enjoyed it thoroughly. Work is what someone else makes you do.

Nowadays, I don't anticipate Spring the same old way. The optimistic joy of gardening has gradually given way to reality-based discouragement, the groaning of stiff knees, achy backs and wildly unpredictable weather.

I have become pessimistic about climate and cynical about politics and skeptical towards anyone who claims to know the truth, has a cure for psoriasis, knows the secret to riches, wants to manage my money.
Parkinsons Law states that work fills the time allotted to it. There is a corollary to free time. If you only have one thing to do today, it will take all day to do it. We retirees are always complaining how busy we are.

Working people envy retired people. Buy after you have read two papers end-to end and checked the status of the markets, and taken a brisk walk, met friends for lunch, and so on, there is still a vague sense that something is missing.  It's that old feeling that you occasionally felt on the job that you were accomplishing something bigger than just staying busy.

Some mornings on my walk, I find myself looking at young people driving by, dressed for work with a tinge of envy. I know that odds are good that  they are probably on their way to some hellhole where the boss is overwrought asshole and the coworkers are backbiting shits.

But I can't help wondering if just maybe someone is actually  going to a place where the work is interesting and rewarding and their workmates are bright and positive with good sense of humor. To me, that would seem to be a pretty good way to spend one's day.

The General is Shooting Blanks

When I first heard that some redneck preacher in Florida has announced his plan to burn a copy of the Quran on 9-11  as a protest against Islamic fundamentalists attack in 2001 against the World Trade Center Towers and the Pentagon, I thought, "What a douche-bag!"

I didn't think much of it, since we have a tradition of free speech in this country.  Everyone is permitted to make a perfect asshole out of himself.   They can ignite books, pictures, flags whatever to make a point.  Even if it pisses-off someone else. 

I do not approve of burning books and that includes religious books.  It would arouse less of an outcry from fellow citizens (and make more sense to me) if he could capture a terrorist commiting an act of terror and burn him instead of a book.

But the book is a symbol, and predictably, the reaction from Muslims in Kabul is "Death To America."
Now we even have General Petraeus calling for a cancellation of the book burning saying that it puts American military at risk.  (Like, what? they are not at risk 24X7 ?)

"I am very concerned by the potential repercussions of the possible (Quran) burning. Even the rumor that it might take place has sparked demonstrations such as the one that took place in Kabul yesterday," Petraeus said in his message. "Were the actual burning to take place, the safety of our soldiers and civilians would be put in jeopardy and accomplishment of the mission would be made more difficult

I think we should consider what is wrong with a religion when just the expectation of a dumbass act of one individual causes thousands to riot and rampage.  Islamists blow stuff up all the time, including religious symbols that they find displeasing. How is that fair or just?

We cannot stifle the right of that dumbass to engage in lawful symbolic protest.  The rights of free speech were paid for by the blood of patriots.  We cannot allow ourselves to be extorted or blackmailed because of the fear of reaction from an ignorant mob.  In fact, such reaction actually supports the contentions of those who would paint all Muslims with a single brush.

To retreat from our tradition of free speech because we fear the consequences of ignorance is to toss our traditions into the dustbin of history.  And,  we will discover the steep slope to subjugation by the ministers of fear, well-lubricated.

Labored Thoughts

Some of the newcomers to this blog may have been misled by the use of the term "afterlife" in the blog description.  If you thought I was talking about some spiritual or cosmic afterlife, I apologize (- - for your poor reading skills.  Really, you must learn to read more carefully.)

No, afterlife, in this context, refers to that phase of life between the time you surrender the responsibilities and commitment to The Job, The Career, the Kids, the Unfinished Novel and your untimely death.   Unlike the promised heaven or hell that your preachers have guaranteed to be the reward for your behavior in this life, this blog uses the term to allude to the shadowy existence of people (such as I)  who have retired from the hustle and bustle of everyday commerce, the classroom or even  the mind-shredding boredom of a career spend nuzzling the teat of the government.

Retirement and Heaven may seem to be synonymous for many working stiffs, as they fantasize about the Rewards that surely must await those who have patiently endured the slings and arrows of the average job. The gauzy image of that much anticipated state of Nirvana may populate the daydreams of countless oppressed and misused worker bees as they toil under the debt-fueled fear of losing this crappy job ( -- undoubtedly made even crappier by some micromanaging nitpicker.)
In the work-a-day world, time is money; you are typically paid commensurate with the amount of time you spend in the office.  You get accustomed to the idea that someone values your time.  However, as you settle into the afterlife, you gradually realize that your time has zero value to others.  No one pays you for reading the newspapers while dawdling over a leisurely breakfast.  There is no bonus for biggest fish.  Your below- par performance at the links may actually require you to buy the beers for the other duffers.  No one calls from the office disturbing you at inconvenient moments with career threatening emergencies. 

Work is largely regarded by American society as a no-fault excuse to avoid social and familial obligations.  ("Gee I'd love to go over and see the 300 photos of your niece's baby shower, but, well I am just slammed here at the office.  Maybe another time...")  But, now that you do not have work as a refuge, you are assailed by family and friends who need a favor or a spouse who demands that you accompany them on errands.

So, young retiree wanabees, I am afraid I must give it to you straight on this Labor Day.  You load sixteen tons, and what do you get?  Another day older and deeper in debt. Then you retire and spend most of the time checking your retirement nest egg, wondering when the shitty economy is going to start being over.  And, hoping that the government can stay solvent and keep sending you that anticipated SS check.

Instead of  enjoying your free time with  travel, fishing and playing golf, you spend a third of your week at the doctors office getting looked at, prodded and listened to.  The exams become ever so much more intimate each year.  Or if it is not your ass that the doc has his finger up, you are driving someone else to his-or-her appointment.  (No one hesitates to ask you for a ride, since you are retired and probably have nothing better to do.)

Work Lessons - Overcoming Fear

The underlying theme of this journal has been about work. I used to dignify my opinions as a "Search for the meaning of work in our lives." During my actual working days, the topics were almost always generated by examples of universal work experiences and attitudes which I encountered in-person or through reading.
Since my "escape" from the working world, and the hellholes that some people call The Office, I have occasionally strayed into social and political commentary - much to the chagrin of some fans who have politely assured me that the Internet is chock full of opinions - by writers/thinkers who are better suited to the role of pundit than I. Well, that may be so.

A couple of years ago, I stopped looking for full-time work because I simply do not have time to devote 40 or more hours to a workaday job, nor the patience to suffer the indignities of commuting, status reports, staff meetings and periodic performance reviews by nitpicking micromanagers. But I have not given up thinking about the importance of work.

Many of the young people I know are obsessed with insecurity about their jobs. This is nothing new. During my career, I knew many workers who were working under the stressful assumption that someone would fire them if they did not get this status report done by two PM on Friday, or if they made a mistake they would be terminated.

In all that time I cannot recall even one person being terminated for making a mistake, or even for being incompetent. Most people who got fired (including me) were sacked because the boss didn't like them. Fortunately for me, I had the experience of being fired early in my career - by a Napoleonic tyrant who literally screamed at his subordinates - complete with red face and veins popping out of his forehead - when something did not go his way.

One day after I had had enough of his ultra Nazis managerial techniques I privately informed him that I was planning to seek a transfer to another department. The next day he called me in and fired me. He told me that my loyalty was a question mark and besides he needed someone who was better at statistics.

Fired. My worst fears were realized, and strangely enough, it didn't feel so bad. The previous day I was in a hopeless situation, feeling trapped with virtually no way out. Now, suddenly, I was free. I suddenly realized that I had been in a box of my own making. Now it seemed that there was a whole world of better possibilities in front of me - a chance to get out from under a nutcase and to move-on.

When I look back I realize that I owe a debt of gratitude to that insane boss who fired me, because he actually freed me from the paralyzing fear of being fired, (i.e., failure) by forcing me to deal with it.

It took that wrongful act of getting sacked that made me see that a hellhole is not a prison. I had always had the power to escape that miserable situation. No one was forcing me and the others to take the abuse of an unreasonable boss. It was our own mindset that kept us shackled. The point here is that fear can be paralyzing and blind us to simple solutions, and escapes.

Later on in my career, I became virtually fearless about getting fired. But, some of my evil bosses would devise a much more fiendish torture for me: Micromanagement - making the working conditions of the job so agonizing that I would fire myself and quit.

This happened more than once. I never worried about getting another job in those days. I always figured that there were millions of places to work and I would always find one that would see me as an asset.

(Nowadays, even with the recession starting to ease, there are still many millions unemployed I would probably put up with more BS than I would at full employment. So much for overcoming fear, eh? The key to being brave is the perception that you have options.)

Seekers Need Not Apply

After diligent searching over the past year or more, I have been somewhat discouraged by the paucity of professional part-time jobs. Beyond a few specialized industries, such as Health Care (Nurses) and Higher Education (Instructors), I have not seen a demand for part-time business professionals. It seems strange - especially during hard economic times - that companies have not realized the cost savings that could result from the hiring less-than-full-time professionals.

Perhaps this is reflective of the general downturn in employment opportunities over the past few years due to the crappy economy. Just as likely, it reflects the historical attitudes of many companies towards part-time workers - a vestige of a bygone era when company loyalty was considered to be valuable, and part-timers were considered transient. Traditionally, such jobs have been plentiful in retail, customer service, farm labor and hospitality industries where the routine nature of tasks require only basic skills and moderate experience. These skill sets are highly transferable. Indeed, most employers of part-time workers treat them as interchangeable parts. These jobs typically require little judgement or creativity on the part of the worker. Tasks are proceduralized to the nth degree to eliminate potential variables, and all unexpected questions are bucked-up to the ever-present supervisor.

But for some reason, hiring managers for professional (i.e., Sitting in an office working at a keyboard, staring at the PC, clicking the mouse) work seem to ignore the patent advantages of hiring people who cannot/do not wish to work full time.
To list a few:
- Less wasted time. I know from long experience that most salaried office workers are less effective than they are busy. They worry about career, status, promotion. They waste large chunks of time sucking around Mr Big and getting very little done. A part-time worker on the other hand comes in and works 4 hours a day 5 days a week, head down and gets stuff done.
- Reduced expectation of benefits. Most part-time workers earn about $9-11 per hour in retail establishments. Elite part-timers might make 12-14 per hour. Professionals might get $20 per hour. Over a year, that amounts to a payroll cost of 20K vs an equivalent full-time worker costing three times that amount counting benefits.
- High function low cost. There are lots of guys like me who have retired from the career track. We still know how to do things and we have a pretty respectable work ethic. We don't need constant supervision. We can handle problems and find solutions. We are not interchangeable parts. We want to feel valued. We miss the action, but not enough to make us go back to the 40+ hour a week grind. And we are willing to the same level of work for considerably less than the going rate for a full-timer.

Most job listings for interesting work demand a full 40 hour week. Most of us who have escaped from hellholes have no desire to return to the work-obsessed existence that characterizes full-time employment these days. I don't want/need to carry a mobile phone (except to order take-out on my way home). Today's career-minded workers must be blackberried or i-phoned up to be taken seriously. They must be willing to give-up luxuries like undisturbed dinners, time with family or even vacations.
During my Florida vacation in February, I was forced by proximity to overhear many phone conversations at the pool and on the beach. People who were supposed to be relaxing who were still tethered to the office. And then there were the fully dressed people who looked like they were attending a conference, but on duty 24X7. It was pathetic to see four people sitting at a table eating breakfast, not enjoying the view or even looking at the others, each one texting on their mobile phone or laptop.

The biggest difference is that part-time professional worker wants to leave the office behind when he goes home or on vacation. He can still work without a supervisor monitoring every action. He doesn't expect to be paid for hours not worked. So I wonder why is this not a reasonable value proposition for an employer.

Some people think I sound irrational, talking about still searching for a minor league job when I should be spending my time fishing and golfing, looking at the wonders of nature and seeking the answer to life's eternal questions.
Maybe they are right...