Seekers Need Not Apply

After diligent searching over the past year or more, I have been somewhat discouraged by the paucity of professional part-time jobs. Beyond a few specialized industries, such as Health Care (Nurses) and Higher Education (Instructors), I have not seen a demand for part-time business professionals. It seems strange - especially during hard economic times - that companies have not realized the cost savings that could result from the hiring less-than-full-time professionals.

Perhaps this is reflective of the general downturn in employment opportunities over the past few years due to the crappy economy. Just as likely, it reflects the historical attitudes of many companies towards part-time workers - a vestige of a bygone era when company loyalty was considered to be valuable, and part-timers were considered transient. Traditionally, such jobs have been plentiful in retail, customer service, farm labor and hospitality industries where the routine nature of tasks require only basic skills and moderate experience. These skill sets are highly transferable. Indeed, most employers of part-time workers treat them as interchangeable parts. These jobs typically require little judgement or creativity on the part of the worker. Tasks are proceduralized to the nth degree to eliminate potential variables, and all unexpected questions are bucked-up to the ever-present supervisor.

But for some reason, hiring managers for professional (i.e., Sitting in an office working at a keyboard, staring at the PC, clicking the mouse) work seem to ignore the patent advantages of hiring people who cannot/do not wish to work full time.
To list a few:
- Less wasted time. I know from long experience that most salaried office workers are less effective than they are busy. They worry about career, status, promotion. They waste large chunks of time sucking around Mr Big and getting very little done. A part-time worker on the other hand comes in and works 4 hours a day 5 days a week, head down and gets stuff done.
- Reduced expectation of benefits. Most part-time workers earn about $9-11 per hour in retail establishments. Elite part-timers might make 12-14 per hour. Professionals might get $20 per hour. Over a year, that amounts to a payroll cost of 20K vs an equivalent full-time worker costing three times that amount counting benefits.
- High function low cost. There are lots of guys like me who have retired from the career track. We still know how to do things and we have a pretty respectable work ethic. We don't need constant supervision. We can handle problems and find solutions. We are not interchangeable parts. We want to feel valued. We miss the action, but not enough to make us go back to the 40+ hour a week grind. And we are willing to the same level of work for considerably less than the going rate for a full-timer.

Most job listings for interesting work demand a full 40 hour week. Most of us who have escaped from hellholes have no desire to return to the work-obsessed existence that characterizes full-time employment these days. I don't want/need to carry a mobile phone (except to order take-out on my way home). Today's career-minded workers must be blackberried or i-phoned up to be taken seriously. They must be willing to give-up luxuries like undisturbed dinners, time with family or even vacations.
During my Florida vacation in February, I was forced by proximity to overhear many phone conversations at the pool and on the beach. People who were supposed to be relaxing who were still tethered to the office. And then there were the fully dressed people who looked like they were attending a conference, but on duty 24X7. It was pathetic to see four people sitting at a table eating breakfast, not enjoying the view or even looking at the others, each one texting on their mobile phone or laptop.

The biggest difference is that part-time professional worker wants to leave the office behind when he goes home or on vacation. He can still work without a supervisor monitoring every action. He doesn't expect to be paid for hours not worked. So I wonder why is this not a reasonable value proposition for an employer.

Some people think I sound irrational, talking about still searching for a minor league job when I should be spending my time fishing and golfing, looking at the wonders of nature and seeking the answer to life's eternal questions.
Maybe they are right...

When Do I Start?

A few weeks ago I received an email which had been forwarded through several degrees of separation, from the original sender to one of the ladies in my wife's book group. Thence to me.

It was a announcement of a temporary, part-time job maintaining the membership database for a non-profit organization. "Maintaining" is just a high-falootin way of saying "mostly data entry." It sounded like your basic clerical type function entering data from new and returning member forms. Pretty mundane for a world class Systems Analyst, you say...but a real challenge for a recently retired fellow who types like a crow pecking at an ear of corn.

But, this is the difference between you and me. Where you see a boring, low level job, I see a portal of opportunity: an entree to an organization, where you get to do paid research, meet people, look for problems to solve....

Besides, the magic words were: temporary, part-time, local and $20/hr. (Higher wages than his last retail job, he thought to himself).

Anyhow, I responded to the mailing, and was rewarded with an in-person interview. After a few pointed remarks by the director it was pretty clear that she did not regard me as the best candidate, since they were really looking for a person who typed very quickly and was also not distracted by any real thoughts about what she was doing. I guess that should be perceived an implied compliment to my creative thought process. I hastened to assure her that I could be as vapid and thoughtless as the next guy, er girl, or whatever. Too late, the damage was apparently already done. As we exchanged pleasantries, I could sense that I had been figuratively crossed off the list.

Maybe they really thought I was "over-qualified" The Director seemed perplexed that someone of my qualifications was interested in doing clerical work. My response that all work is clerical, and I need some extra spending money to pay overdue library fines was not well received. Perhaps the Director needs to believe that some work is indeed more important than "menial" tasks. (I should have pointed-out that even the most gourmet meal needs to be served on clean plates.)

I waited in vain all all last week to hear from them. Today I got the idea to appeal to their sympathies. I decided that they probably would choose someone who really needed money. Here is the text of my letter:

Dear Emily,

Just wondering if you’ve made a decision yet on the enrollment data base job. It would really help me to know, as I am in the process of budgeting for the coming year.

1) Thanks to generous bribes offered to the parole board, mother will be getting out of prison in April ( for good behavior) and I was hoping to get her a new motorcycle. She so loves the fresh wind in her hair. But a new Harley can cost over $20K. Let’s hope she stays out, this time.

2) As one who loves fine cheese, I recently bought a goat on E-Bay. Now, the guy is asking for his money.

3) In a moment of utter optimism, I purchased charter tickets on a flight to Mars, which is scheduled to leave Cape Canaveral in the Spring of 2045. I also bought these tickets on the Internet (brooklynbridge.org) for a discount price. The bill is due in a few weeks.

So, you can see that I really could use a bit of extra spending cash. This is not to imply that my revenue needs should affect your hiring decision, mind you.

Unless you were thinking of hiring some other – less needy - person.

Please let me know soon if you have decided to hire a less gifted and needy individual, as I do have another offer pending. My brother-in-law needs a partner on a project that involves “soliciting funds at banks, gas stations and convenience stores in the Boston suburbs.” I really would prefer to work in an environment where I do not need to carry a mask and a weapon, so I am giving you folks first refusal.

Best wishes for the Holidays