Annoyance Therapy

Memory device

Like many others who fancy themselves as Writers, I usually carry around a small pocket sized notepad for recording great thoughts, pithy observations, and random notes.  It is a great relief for aging memory banks to simply jot down a recommended book title, or a website URL.  ( The chief drawback with this device is that I often forget to read the notes that were so carefully recorded.  I have dozens of ragged notebooks full of unread scribblings)*

One section of the notebook is reserved for my list of annoyances. As you may have gathered,  I find that I am annoyed by nearly everything - weather, barking dogs,horns honking, wet mail, rap music, traffic, insects, soggy pizza, anyone with a smartphone, people in audiences, dreadlocks, commercials...  --the list is endless; I think you get the idea.

But, my genius is this: rather than letting annoying people and things drive me into grumpy irrelevance, I try to use annoyance as a creative force.  I recognize that annoyance is merely a mild form of anger.  Thus when something annoys me I do not let it control me. I do not shout and wave my arms.  I write a poem, post a blog entry, or regale the person behind me in the line at Starbucks with my latest cynical observation**.  By sharing these annoyances with others, I joyfully let them go.  They do not own me. I am free of their evil spell.

My audience often rewards me with reinforcing affirmations of legitimacy. Sure, there are those few humorless, self important, smiley-faced, lemonade-making optimists who regard my complaints as the feeble protestations of an aged goat. (Get over it, Dude. Stuff happens.)   I just add those people to my 'Annoying persons' list, where they are subjected to universal mockery and derision.

Some word usages that I think are annoying (Copied from Notepad notes):

Shocking - this word has become so over-used, especially in internet ads,  as to render it meaningless.  Apparently, the attention of a skimming reader is drawn to any sentence that has the word "shocking" in it.
The most absurd headline:  "Shocking facts about weight loss!" takes you to the URL of a company that sells pills that are guaranteed to help you shed hundreds of milligrams.

Grab - "Let me grab you something to drink,"  says my waitress.  Grab?  What happened to "Can I bring you something?"  Even Budweiser commercials have adopted the slogan "Grab some Buds."  Maybe it's just me but grab has a slightly larcenous connotation.

Momentarily - "The doctor will be with you momentarily." Gee you mean he will step into the room for a split-second and then disappear?  I know this one has been annoying pure English speakers for decades, but I still hear it often.


Ok that's enough for today.   There is risk of self-analysis morphing into mere self-absorption.  Especially on a cold day when you have no lunch plans.

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Notes:
 *Before I came upon the idea of the notebook I would jot  notes on napkins, odd bits of paper, 3X5 cards, envelopes, etc.  And I still have shoeboxes filled with the golden wisdom, hoarded in the basement.  I really must check them out someday and copy the good ones into a notebook.

** Three bucks for a cup of coffee --Really?