A few weeks ago I received an email which had been forwarded through several degrees of separation, from the original sender to one of the ladies in my wife's book group. Thence to me.
It was a announcement of a temporary, part-time job maintaining the membership database for a non-profit organization. "Maintaining" is just a high-falootin way of saying "mostly data entry." It sounded like your basic clerical type function entering data from new and returning member forms. Pretty mundane for a world class Systems Analyst, you say...but a real challenge for a recently retired fellow who types like a crow pecking at an ear of corn.
But, this is the difference between you and me. Where you see a boring, low level job, I see a portal of opportunity: an entree to an organization, where you get to do paid research, meet people, look for problems to solve....
Besides, the magic words were: temporary, part-time, local and $20/hr. (Higher wages than his last retail job, he thought to himself).
Anyhow, I responded to the mailing, and was rewarded with an in-person interview. After a few pointed remarks by the director it was pretty clear that she did not regard me as the best candidate, since they were really looking for a person who typed very quickly and was also not distracted by any real thoughts about what she was doing. I guess that should be perceived an implied compliment to my creative thought process. I hastened to assure her that I could be as vapid and thoughtless as the next guy, er girl, or whatever. Too late, the damage was apparently already done. As we exchanged pleasantries, I could sense that I had been figuratively crossed off the list.
Maybe they really thought I was "over-qualified" The Director seemed perplexed that someone of my qualifications was interested in doing clerical work. My response that all work is clerical, and I need some extra spending money to pay overdue library fines was not well received. Perhaps the Director needs to believe that some work is indeed more important than "menial" tasks. (I should have pointed-out that even the most gourmet meal needs to be served on clean plates.)
I waited in vain all all last week to hear from them. Today I got the idea to appeal to their sympathies. I decided that they probably would choose someone who really needed money. Here is the text of my letter:
Dear Emily,
Just wondering if you’ve made a decision yet on the enrollment data base job. It would really help me to know, as I am in the process of budgeting for the coming year.
1) Thanks to generous bribes offered to the parole board, mother will be getting out of prison in April ( for good behavior) and I was hoping to get her a new motorcycle. She so loves the fresh wind in her hair. But a new Harley can cost over $20K. Let’s hope she stays out, this time.
2) As one who loves fine cheese, I recently bought a goat on E-Bay. Now, the guy is asking for his money.
3) In a moment of utter optimism, I purchased charter tickets on a flight to Mars, which is scheduled to leave Cape Canaveral in the Spring of 2045. I also bought these tickets on the Internet (brooklynbridge.org) for a discount price. The bill is due in a few weeks.
So, you can see that I really could use a bit of extra spending cash. This is not to imply that my revenue needs should affect your hiring decision, mind you.
Unless you were thinking of hiring some other – less needy - person.
Please let me know soon if you have decided to hire a less gifted and needy individual, as I do have another offer pending. My brother-in-law needs a partner on a project that involves “soliciting funds at banks, gas stations and convenience stores in the Boston suburbs.” I really would prefer to work in an environment where I do not need to carry a mask and a weapon, so I am giving you folks first refusal.
Best wishes for the Holidays
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