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2/17/2007

A Miserable Conspiracy

We were among the lucky Jet Blue passengers who were able to board our scheduled flights today - an hour late, but most of us were just happy that the flight wasn't cancelled altogether.

I noticed that the Jet Blue personnel were exceedingly communicative today. I think they are frightened by the prospect of a consumer revolt after the Valentine's Day strandings. The terminals were probably swarming with Lawyers looking to sign people up for class action suits.

The standard airline customer service normally consists of conscious and assertive with-holding any useful information. Hey why bother? As long as all the airlines do it they can force the customers to actually vie with one another for one of three hundred seats that are too small for anyone who is bigger than the average circus dwarf.

I'm surprised they haven't come up with a reality show pitting travelers against one another racing and physically attacking one another to win a cramped seat near one of the working toilets. No wonder there have not been any more terrorist attacks by plane. The Imams think it is cruel and unusual to force someone to travel by commercial air liner as a prerequisite to get to paradise and the 72 virgins.

Every time I travel I am reminded of how awful the system is. The Security checkpoints make you want to laugh or cry hysterically because they are a microcosm of our general attitude toward safety. One guy had a bomb in his shoe 5 years ago, and we still have to take off our sneakers to get through security. Little old lady nuns are being felt-up by high school drop outs and probable illegal immigrants (swarthy people of dubious citizenship with accents so heavy that you cannot understand their questions or instructions)who seem to be the only people who will work for TSA at $8.50 an hour. Thank you, Homeland security. Boy I feel safer, don't you?

The American attitude toward safety is hysterical. A small fraction of kids are seriously allergic to nuts; so all preschoolers in the building are forbidden to bring peanut butter sandwiches. Some klutz's bang their heads and now everyone is required to wear helmets. Next thing you will hear that a couple of birds got sick and we will shut down Canada to keep the geese out, declaring war if they try to invade. We are an insane society, driven by fear mongers, content-challenged news programs, and a poor understanding of risk.

I think the airline industry generally sells misery. I know this because they admit that the seats are not big enough, most of them enforce class discrimination which leads to envy and hatred, they lie about their on time performance, the food, if they have any, sucks and they force us all to get sick if anyone on the plane is sick. Check out the salaries of Airline Execs. They make more than the President of Scotland.

But in the Tampa airport today, the Jet Blue people today were all about setting expectations. They had actual people on the counter today instead of those self service check-in machines where the customer does the work and the counter people just check your id and slap bar coded stickers on your luggage. They kept us informed of the progress of the flight that was delayed in leaving NYC - the one that would take us to Boston. One we got on board, they kept interrupting the TV programs to tell us how glad they were that we chose to fly on Jet Blue.

I was surprised that no one has yet given one good reason why they kept all those people on the tarmac on Wednesday for 8 hours or more, with no fresh air, no food, 3 bathrooms for 300 people, etc.
Unconscionable. I think if I had been on one of those flights, I would surely be in jail tonight.

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