Nineteen degrees Fahrenheit at high noon today. It is amazing that human beings can even survive in this climate, let alone choose to live here during the Winter.
OK, maybe we are just a tad spoiled by the short 9 day Florida getaway. We have discussed our options for the future and have made a firm decision to extend our visit to the southern climes to a month or even six weeks next winter. By that time, neither of us expects to have the interference of full time jobs to encumber us.
Note to the kids: Don't worry. We are not on the verge of putting the family home up for sale, heading South to spend your inheritance on a lavish beachfront mansion with an expensive cabin cruiser moored at our private dock. We have not even entertained those thoughts - honestly!
Of course, no one would blame us if we were thinking about it - which I assure you we have not. At our age, Winter is no longer a friend. The days when we anticipated fluffy snow fallen slopes and frozen ponds upon which to glide and carve have given way to aches and pains, tender epidermis, sore backs and joints; and a deep loathing for the cold arid arctic blasts.
These days, we skip the daily walk and stay warmly inside the house when the weather turns nasty. On frigid days like this, we tremble at the thought of slipping on the ice and shattering our increasingly brittle bones*; we are haunted by visions of helpless hospitalization, followed by a long recuperation punctuated by innumerable visits to an overwhelming array of health care specialists - for xrays, physical therapy, counseling for depression, acupuncture, rabies shots (just in case...). Also there are the predictable and prolonged haggling with health care insurance providers over co-pays and the costs of approved tier medications.
Even worse, we dread the thought of having the mailman or some un-invited visitor slip and fall in our driveway and sue us for all we are worth. So, I find myself going out in the middle of winter blizzards, shoveling the wet snow, ignoring the shortness of breath, the numbing left arm and burning chest pains - because the driveway must be cleared before the storm turns to rain and freezes into a sheet of slick cement. Despite the symptoms of a possible heart attack, I risk frostbite and even death to avoid the possibility of being sued into poverty.
There are no longer any kids in the neighborhood who would even think of shoveling your walk for less than $50. (I do not have a line item on my budget for such extravagance. What do I look like, Governor De Ville?) Even if we were willing to deplete our lifetime savings for such labors, we could not find a willing worker. These days kids don't need to earn money. Many of them wear sneakers that cost more than the 1950 Chevy I bought back in 1960. In my day, we would shovel all day in our sneakers and tee shirt to earn $3). Kids are not allowed to go door to door soliciting anymore because - thanks to reality shows on TV - we now know that every household on your street contains at least one raving lunatic, drug addict, sex offender, witch or lawyer. Too dangerous for kids to approach without a parental overseer.
Given the life-threatening dangers of occupying a 3 bedroom house in suburban Boston during the Winter, it would perhaps not be un-thinkable for a couple who have worked hard all of their lives, stayed out of jail, and accumulated a small nest egg to support them in their elder years – might dream of finding a nice warm haven to rest their increasingly fragile bones* far away from the vile winds of winter.
But we are Yankees who were raised to believe in thrift and parsimony. Don’t worry, kids. Rather than spending your inheritance on lavish personal amenities, we will just persevere here in frigid New England, subsisting on cold cereal mixed with melted snow, spending our days watching Court TV and Jerry Springer. It could be worse: At least we don't live in Dayton, Ohio**.
What we should all be worried about is global freezing, and whether they will ever bury poor Anna Nicole Smith?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
*This danger is highlighted by several advertisers of nightly news programs.
**Dayton, Ohio is alleged by my sister-in-law, who lived there for several years, to be the "least desirable place to live on this entire planet."
No comments:
Post a Comment