Like most executives, ship captains and other sensible adults, I don't like surprises. Most people would agree that unforeseen circumstances are the bane of good plans, the downfall of the mighty, and the spoiler of sleep.
Yet when it comes to gift giving, the consensus is that the recipient must be surprised by the gift -- As if the sudden delight of seeing a matching pen and pencil set somehow makes the mundane thing more magical. Well, I don't like surprise gifts.
To people who don't understand this point of view, it seems like a challenge. They will go out of their way to prove to me that I was not sufficiently surprised in the past, because as everyone knows, "everybody loves surprises".
I really don't like giving gifts or getting them. I am too picky to let other people choose things for me. It just creates stress. Relatives yell at me, "You are so hard to buy for, you are so fussy!" Hey, don't get me a gift; it's OK. If I want something that I can afford, I just go and buy it anyway. I don't need gloves, ties or screwdriver sets made in Korea.
Bah!
Some people think its fun to do Secret Santa. I always receive some useless $10 gift card to some place I never go. What can you buy for $10 anyway? No wonder 40% of all gift cards are never fully used by the recipient. This amounts to a $1.8 billion rebate to retailers.
Needless to say, I hold the idea of a Yankee Swap to be a naked exercise in greed and disapointment. Who decided that it would be fun to steal someone elses gift? One person gets what they want and everyone else gets crap.
OH, and let us not forget the "Gift of Disapointment" the Lottery scratch ticket. 99% of the time You end up with nothing but green wax under your fingernails.
So in my book Christmas gifts and surprises are fine for the kiddies, but once you realize that Christmas is just another excuse for retailers to embrace large portions of your net worth, the wow factor is kinda fading after the first fruitcake you get in the mail from Aunt Matilda.
I hate to pile reindeer poop on your oatmeal, Virginia, but there is very little chance for peace on earth, much less goodwill towards your fellow man. No matter how many cards you send or receive.
Hey, enjoy your holidays in your own way. You may get a big kick from the mystery of a wrapped gift under your holiday tree waiting for the big morning. I don't -- Unless the package looks like a bottle of 18 year old single malt scotch.
Then I'm all Ho-Ho-Ho!
3 comments:
All this just to tell devoted blog readers what to buy you for Christmas. Talk about a roundabout hint! Look soon for a small heavy package from Burundi marked FRAGILE.
Geo,
Stop skimming. The article is about what NOT to buy me.
BTW, the Burundi reference went over my head. Perhaps it is humorous?
Your blog has such penache that it is even popular in Burundi (like mine, "Fletcher's Castoria").
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