I know that I promised to avoid talking politics here, and to leave the opinionating to more bombastic blatherers, like my friend George ... But lately, the news has been so crazy that I cannot sit idely quiet on the sidelines anymore.
The country is surely going down the tubes when one conceivable scenario for 2012 election pits the incumbent mediocre-at-best President against a shallow self-promoting real estate billionaire who has never won an elective office. I think we need an alternative. Which is why I am running to be elected as Your Emperor.
Under my regime:
No Air Traffic Controllers would fall asleep. Anyone caught asleep would be terminated immediately and charged with attempted murder. Their Immediate supervisor would also be terminated, and that person's manager would be required to prove that they had done everything in their power to avoid fatigue among workers.
Piracy on the seas would be stopped. Troops would be removed from Iraq and sent to occupy Somalia. They would capture and kill suspected pirates, free hostages and sink all watercraft associated with piracy. Pirate leaders would be beheaded and buried with the carcass of a pig.
Healthcare would be simple. All current laws will be abolished and the federal role in healthcare would be reduced to 15 pages of 12 point double spaced text.
All Government benefits would be means tested. Medicare, social security, free cheese.
All prisons would be "hard time." No TV, no Gym, no visitors, no access to phone or computer, no cigarettes, nothing but hard work, isolation, regret for one's crimes. Parole would be abolished. Government officials found guilty of corruption would get double sentences. Sentences could only be commuted by public referrendum held in the relevant community.
Illegal immigration will be stopped. Every citizen will be required to carry a photo ID card, which must be presented every time they vote, cash a check, go to a doctor, use a pay toilet, enter a casino, etc. Every citizen in the country will be fingerprinted and dna sample taken when their ID card is issued.
Current federal tax code would be abolished and replaced with a no-loopholes 15% flat tax on all wages, dividends, gains, or other form of income. Exception: Government benefits would not be taxed, because that is just plain silly.
All subsidies would be abolished. Any industry that cannot fund itself, has no business being in business.
99% of troops deployed to Europe. Asia, Middle East and worldwide will be withdrawn in an orderly manner. Former military bases and equipment will be sold to the host countries. Troops will be redeployed to restore control of our inner cities, eliminate illegal gang and mob activities. Also, troops will be deployed at critical borders and seaports to quell attempts to smuggle drugs or people or to create havoc among us.
99% of all foreign aid will be withdrawn over a 3 year period. Immediately no US aid would be spent on military hardware.
This would just be for starters.
I am not like those other politicians. Elect me Emperor and I will fix everything.
Honestly.
4/28/2011
4/27/2011
Birther Blowhard Barge Sinks. No Survivors.
Barack Obama has just launched a giant torpedo of truth that blows a huge hole below the waterline of the USS Trump-for-President. .
Trump had his noisy run at political opportunism during the past few weeks, getting attention by aligning himself with the whack jobs who have made Obama's citizenship their central issue. Now those questions are finally answered.
The Donald says he is proud of himself, but by finally releasing his birth certificate Obama essentially says to Candidate Trump: "You're Fired."
There is zero credibility left in the billionaire blowhard's believability quotient, since he staked his reputation on the "unbelievable" things that his army of researchers had discovered in Hawaii. All gas and no beans. Do not mourn as the candidacy disappears beneath the waves. Do not throw life savers to the rats who will be scurrying to safety as the thin-hulled vessel sinks to the bottom. He got his face on everyone's TV; his ego is intact.
======
As for Obama, he tells us he has more important things to work on. This is a silly issue.
I can't help hearing a haunting echo, remembering Bill Clinton's scolding rebuke to reporters when he was in denial about Ms Lewinski.
Unfortunately, for those of us who never thought O's citizenship was a concern, the fact that Obama could have easily released the birth certificate anytime over the past several years, raises a series of perplexing questions: Why? Why didn't he do it sooner? How come the Press reported that Hawaii laws forbade release of the "long form" original? Who can we trust to tell us the truth in a timely manner?
Trump had his noisy run at political opportunism during the past few weeks, getting attention by aligning himself with the whack jobs who have made Obama's citizenship their central issue. Now those questions are finally answered.
The Donald says he is proud of himself, but by finally releasing his birth certificate Obama essentially says to Candidate Trump: "You're Fired."
There is zero credibility left in the billionaire blowhard's believability quotient, since he staked his reputation on the "unbelievable" things that his army of researchers had discovered in Hawaii. All gas and no beans. Do not mourn as the candidacy disappears beneath the waves. Do not throw life savers to the rats who will be scurrying to safety as the thin-hulled vessel sinks to the bottom. He got his face on everyone's TV; his ego is intact.
======
As for Obama, he tells us he has more important things to work on. This is a silly issue.
I can't help hearing a haunting echo, remembering Bill Clinton's scolding rebuke to reporters when he was in denial about Ms Lewinski.
Unfortunately, for those of us who never thought O's citizenship was a concern, the fact that Obama could have easily released the birth certificate anytime over the past several years, raises a series of perplexing questions: Why? Why didn't he do it sooner? How come the Press reported that Hawaii laws forbade release of the "long form" original? Who can we trust to tell us the truth in a timely manner?
4/23/2011
Watching The Bruins vs Canadiens Game 5
It really bother me to say this but I find that I cannot stand to hear females announce the play-by-play at male-only team sporting events like hockey and football. I am not anti-chick, but I just cannot sit there and listen to it. And why are they all babes? It's a distraction. If they can't find a homely gal dressed in sweats with a deep voice, I would rather change the station.
Come to think of it most sports announcers talk too much anayway.. Most of the time I keep the TV on mute.
Is it me, or do other guys feel this way too?
Come to think of it most sports announcers talk too much anayway.. Most of the time I keep the TV on mute.
Is it me, or do other guys feel this way too?
4/08/2011
Don't Look For Me At Red Sox Opener
It has been many years now since I have set foot in Fenway Park to watch a game, mainly because the cost of actually sitting in the stands for me is dramatically out-of-proportion to the value of the experience, not to mention that the size of the seats is uncomfortably out-of-proportion to the space required by my posterior.
I heard that they are serving sushi this year and hard liquor, too. Ka-ching @ $15 a pop. And, now the affluent drunks in the stands can get even more obnoxious after pounding-down double mai tais, further adding to the being there experience. If you needed another reason to watch the games from your safe, sanitary, suburban couch, this may be it.
Considering the risk of almost certain death by salmonella or some flesh-eating virus, plus the other inconveniences, I have so many reasons to stay home and watch the games in Hi Def Digital on my big flat screen TV – where I can languish in air-conditioned privacy in my comfortable leather armchair, refreshed by a reasonably priced, frosty beer to wash down my fresh, home-cooked sausage, that has NOT been prepared on filthy counter tops in the presence of insects and rodents. If I need to pause for the cause, I do not need to stand in a line of grumpy beer drinkers with distended bladders. When the game is over, I do not have to compete with 39,000 other fans to get a ride back to my house in the suburbs. Parking in my driveway is free.
So, I ask you true blue ticket buying fans, what am I missing, besides the chills and fever?
It has been many years now since I have set foot in Fenway Park to watch a game, mainly because the cost of actually sitting in the stands for me is dramatically out-of-proportion to the value of the experience, not to mention that the size of the seats is uncomfortably out-of-proportion to the space required by my posterior.
You often hear people say that there is “Nothing like being there” to watch a baseball game live at Fenway Park. But, with a zero out of six record, why would I want to endure the cost and inconvenience of trying to get my XXL butt into one of those size M seats just to watch the Yankees pummel the crap out of our guys?
Who are all these new guys anyhow? What happened to the old days when a player would stay with a team for most of his career? How do you suddenly love the shortstop who you hated last season when he was in another uniform? This constant, incestuous marketing of bodies to the highest bidder does not inspire loyalty to a player or a team; It's a reminder that these guys are not "playing" they are actually working. Ho-hum.
Then there is the concession food at Fenway Park. Besides costing an arm and a leg, it is probably hazardous to your health. Junk food raised to an art form. (I've often thought that "Red Sox Fever" was a real malady that you get from eating undercooked sausages.) I hear you arguing that they have not failed any inspections since 2008, but I have my suspicions.
I heard that they are serving sushi this year and hard liquor, too. Ka-ching @ $15 a pop. And, now the affluent drunks in the stands can get even more obnoxious after pounding-down double mai tais, further adding to the being there experience. If you needed another reason to watch the games from your safe, sanitary, suburban couch, this may be it.
Considering the risk of almost certain death by salmonella or some flesh-eating virus, plus the other inconveniences, I have so many reasons to stay home and watch the games in Hi Def Digital on my big flat screen TV – where I can languish in air-conditioned privacy in my comfortable leather armchair, refreshed by a reasonably priced, frosty beer to wash down my fresh, home-cooked sausage, that has NOT been prepared on filthy counter tops in the presence of insects and rodents. If I need to pause for the cause, I do not need to stand in a line of grumpy beer drinkers with distended bladders. When the game is over, I do not have to compete with 39,000 other fans to get a ride back to my house in the suburbs. Parking in my driveway is free.
So, I ask you true blue ticket buying fans, what am I missing, besides the chills and fever?
4/07/2011
Radio Thoughts
I have become acustomed to the reality that I am outside the target age demographic whose ratings decide what gets on the radio.
Apparently, advertisers have concluded that retired people don't spend money. I guess they think we are either broke, or that we already have perfect teeth, sufficient tire tread, and dry basements. We are never polled to find out what makes us change the radio dial. No one cares what we think.
Fine. I have mostly stopped listening to commercial radio - especially the right wing talk shows that seem to me to be a melange of 50% commercial message and 51% mindless conservative rants about how Obama is doing EVERYTHING wrong, and all liberals are dangerous, unpatriotic, unwitting tools of socialism.
If you are looking for interesting talk, you need to listen to NPR. I do not deny that there is a liberal bias on NPR, but they do attempt to give a balanced treatment to news and a thoughtful discussion - which is absolutely absent in the rants of local commercial station talk guys like Jay Severin and Howie Carr. The callers who get to be on the show are little more than a claque of adoring fans who echo the rants of the "host". Years ago I enjoyed tuning in to these guys, because they were entertaining, funny, even thoughtful. Now they seem boring, predictable and deadly serious.
I remember the old days when intelligent and thoughtful guys like Gene Burns and David Brudnoy were the talk show hosts you always listened to. They did not browbeat you with their politics or provoke discussion by appealing to prejudice, ignorance and fear.
So, most of my presets on the car radio are to local college stations which carry news or music, a minimum of advertising and not much talk. During the past week or so all the so called non-commercial stations have been running fundraisers, instead of playing music. So I have been shutting off the radio and talking to myself instead. Pretty interesting dialogue, if you ask me.
Years ago, 96.9FM ran with the call letters WJIB and they played 55 minutes of smooth jazz every hour. It was one of my favorites. Now, WJIB 750 AM is commercial free and plays a stream of what they call adult standard music from the 50's and 60's. My wife calls it "the geriatric soundtrack." The owner Bob is also the DJ. He bought the radio station and refuses commercials so he can play the music he likes.
If I win Powerball Jackpot, that will be my goal too. Free music, no talk, no annoying marketing.
Apparently, advertisers have concluded that retired people don't spend money. I guess they think we are either broke, or that we already have perfect teeth, sufficient tire tread, and dry basements. We are never polled to find out what makes us change the radio dial. No one cares what we think.
Fine. I have mostly stopped listening to commercial radio - especially the right wing talk shows that seem to me to be a melange of 50% commercial message and 51% mindless conservative rants about how Obama is doing EVERYTHING wrong, and all liberals are dangerous, unpatriotic, unwitting tools of socialism.
If you are looking for interesting talk, you need to listen to NPR. I do not deny that there is a liberal bias on NPR, but they do attempt to give a balanced treatment to news and a thoughtful discussion - which is absolutely absent in the rants of local commercial station talk guys like Jay Severin and Howie Carr. The callers who get to be on the show are little more than a claque of adoring fans who echo the rants of the "host". Years ago I enjoyed tuning in to these guys, because they were entertaining, funny, even thoughtful. Now they seem boring, predictable and deadly serious.
I remember the old days when intelligent and thoughtful guys like Gene Burns and David Brudnoy were the talk show hosts you always listened to. They did not browbeat you with their politics or provoke discussion by appealing to prejudice, ignorance and fear.
So, most of my presets on the car radio are to local college stations which carry news or music, a minimum of advertising and not much talk. During the past week or so all the so called non-commercial stations have been running fundraisers, instead of playing music. So I have been shutting off the radio and talking to myself instead. Pretty interesting dialogue, if you ask me.
Years ago, 96.9FM ran with the call letters WJIB and they played 55 minutes of smooth jazz every hour. It was one of my favorites. Now, WJIB 750 AM is commercial free and plays a stream of what they call adult standard music from the 50's and 60's. My wife calls it "the geriatric soundtrack." The owner Bob is also the DJ. He bought the radio station and refuses commercials so he can play the music he likes.
If I win Powerball Jackpot, that will be my goal too. Free music, no talk, no annoying marketing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)