Notes from the Lagging Edge

God help me. Now the cat has a new smartphone.  I told him that he couldn't afford it, but he went and got one anyhow. He says, "All the other cats have one. Why can't I have one.  I want to be cool, too."

He says he got a good deal on an iPhone 4. He's already downloaded an ringtone that sounds like a small rodent trying to escape.

He's already staring to behave like the other addicted smartphone users you know.  Whenever he enters a room, he puts it on the floor in front of him so he wont - god forbid -  miss an incoming email message or tweet.  If you say something like "I wonder if I should go fishing tomorrow..." he is tapping away, checking the weather and tide tables for you, making you look at the display.

This is the thing about people with new gadgets: they make you to look at them. Those of us who are un-enamored by technology toys cannot understand why squinting at a tiny screen is so enchanting.  "I feel so connected, now," he purrs, after entering the password for our wireless router.  "I don't need the computer anymore.  Did you know I can deposit checks with this thing?"  I decided not to remind him that he does not have a bank account, nor does he receive any checks.  "Who gets checks these days?" I mumble.

But the point is lost on him, enthralled as he is - because his gadget has empowered him beyond all reason.  He can now do stuff that he would never even think of doing.  How did he exist before angry birds? Who even dreamed of playing solitaire on their phone?  I despair over the irony: he is more connected to the cloud, and more dis-connected from the household.  He is spared the awkwardness of polite conversation.  His ego is defined my the newness of his device.  I taunt him by speculating that the reason that he got a good deal is  because everyone else is waiting for the iPhone5 to come out.  Cruel, but fun.

OK kitty, I am happy that you can look up all the local restaurants within three blocks.  Yes, it is truly impressive that your smartphone can be used as a compass or a flash light or a magnifying glass --stuff we all need everyday, I'm sure.

Ok, now put it away and let's talk.