Snowbird Wannabee

Someone sent me the link to a youtube video, that graphically sums-up the reasons to fly south in winter.
  

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=xkk7DX0l95A&Lid=12

Warm and Furry Thoughts

Try not to hate me; I am writing this entry while sitting by the pool under a shady palm tree in Pompano Beach, Florida. The air temperature is 78 and the pool water is 70.  It is very quiet here, except for the barking dog that someone has left alone in a truck parked a few houses down the street. The dog is barking at a mangy gray cat who is calmly sitting on the hood of the truck peering through the windshield. The cat seems to be enjoying making the mutt crazy. 

Maybe that's just me indulging in what they call anthropomorphism -- ascribing human characteristics to animal behavior.

It reminded me that we have now been cat-free for almost two weeks. No cats on the bed, no litter box, no yowling Siamese pestering to be fed.  In other words, free.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike the cats. Between cats and dogs, I will take a cat any day. You might argue that dogs are smarter and can be trained, whereas a cat pretty much does whatever it wants, when it wants -- except when it comes to using a can opener. 

The main thing I like is that cats have too much dignity to lick your hand or thrust their snout in your crotch.  You toss a ball and they will refuse to chase it.  They just look at you with an expression that says, "What other tricks can you do?" 

The thing about pets in our modern "humane" society is that we treat them almost like infant children.  We keep them indoors 24X7.  They can’t do anything for themselves. You have to open the doors, feed them, clean-up after them and what do you get in return? A cat brain is about the size of an avocado pit, and like an avocado, there is not a lot going on in there.  We anthropomorphize them and assume that they give us unconditional love, when in reality they are just teaching us to feed them.  

Joan, the woman who is going to the house and feeding them every day, is currently the most important person in their lives. They will not miss us; they live totally “in the moment.” I do not write this as a lament, it is simply the way things are. When we return from our travels, they will wonder, “Who the heck are you, and when are you going to feed me?”

Yet, we worry about the cats constantly. By “we” I mean, of course, “Judy.” 
We wonder if they are pining for a warm lap, staring listlessly out the window, wondering when we will return, telling each other cute stories about us, resolving to be better pets in the future. We have made careful arrangements to have them tended to, the heat is kept at a toasty 74 degrees, a 30 day’s supply of food is on the shelf, enough cat litter to handle an elephant is in the basement, and the nice lady who is coming every day to feed them has been thoroughly screened and CORI checked. Judy thinks we should set up video cams to ensure that the cats are being properly treated. I have resisted this effort.

But, here we are sitting by the pool a thousand miles away, in paradise, writing about the cats. What does that tell you?

We are Not Impressed

The Dow dropped 382 points yesterday, reflecting Wall Street's confidence in the new administration's vague plans for spending trillions of dollars that we do not have.

We are not impressed with Mr Geithner who should have showed-up better prepared to address the details that he surely must have known were expected. One blogger thinks he looked like a deer in the headlights. I thought his attempts at coolness came-off as arrogance

We are also dismayed by the President's vagueness at the press conference yesterday. Unlike the fawning George Stephanopoulos, we gave him a "D" because like most of the country, we wanted to hear a reason to support his plans. He did not earn any grade points on economy questions. Complaining about partisan politics (because the opposition wanted to cut out funding for programs that would do nothing to improve the economy)clangs like an empty drum.

Then again today at the town meeting in Ft Myers, it was embarrassing to hear questioners begging The President for relief for their "urgent needs" as if he were the moderator of a give-away show. (Er, fine, my staff will look into it.)
How about, "Sorry, I know I promised you Socialism, but it's gonna take time to get the money to all you victims of opression."

Every day my retirement nestegg gets smaller. I need a bailout too but, like Chicken Little, I'm afraid that the sky (Dow) has fallen - and it can't get up.

Gluteal Freezing

Nineteen degrees Fahrenheit at high noon today. It is amazing that human beings can even survive in this climate, let alone choose to live here during the Winter.

OK, maybe we are just a tad spoiled by the short 9 day Florida getaway. We have discussed our options for the future and have made a firm decision to extend our visit to the southern climes to a month or even six weeks next winter. By that time, neither of us expects to have the interference of full time jobs to encumber us.

Note to the kids: Don't worry. We are not on the verge of putting the family home up for sale, heading South to spend your inheritance on a lavish beachfront mansion with an expensive cabin cruiser moored at our private dock. We have not even entertained those thoughts - honestly!

Of course, no one would blame us if we were thinking about it - which I assure you we have not. At our age, Winter is no longer a friend. The days when we anticipated fluffy snow fallen slopes and frozen ponds upon which to glide and carve have given way to aches and pains, tender epidermis, sore backs and joints; and a deep loathing for the cold arid arctic blasts.

These days, we skip the daily walk and stay warmly inside the house when the weather turns nasty. On frigid days like this, we tremble at the thought of slipping on the ice and shattering our increasingly brittle bones*; we are haunted by visions of helpless hospitalization, followed by a long recuperation punctuated by innumerable visits to an overwhelming array of health care specialists - for xrays, physical therapy, counseling for depression, acupuncture, rabies shots (just in case...). Also there are the predictable and prolonged haggling with health care insurance providers over co-pays and the costs of approved tier medications.

Even worse, we dread the thought of having the mailman or some un-invited visitor slip and fall in our driveway and sue us for all we are worth. So, I find myself going out in the middle of winter blizzards, shoveling the wet snow, ignoring the shortness of breath, the numbing left arm and burning chest pains - because the driveway must be cleared before the storm turns to rain and freezes into a sheet of slick cement. Despite the symptoms of a possible heart attack, I risk frostbite and even death to avoid the possibility of being sued into poverty.

There are no longer any kids in the neighborhood who would even think of shoveling your walk for less than $50. (I do not have a line item on my budget for such extravagance. What do I look like, Governor De Ville?) Even if we were willing to deplete our lifetime savings for such labors, we could not find a willing worker. These days kids don't need to earn money. Many of them wear sneakers that cost more than the 1950 Chevy I bought back in 1960. In my day, we would shovel all day in our sneakers and tee shirt to earn $3). Kids are not allowed to go door to door soliciting anymore because - thanks to reality shows on TV - we now know that every household on your street contains at least one raving lunatic, drug addict, sex offender, witch or lawyer. Too dangerous for kids to approach without a parental overseer.

Given the life-threatening dangers of occupying a 3 bedroom house in suburban Boston during the Winter, it would perhaps not be un-thinkable for a couple who have worked hard all of their lives, stayed out of jail, and accumulated a small nest egg to support them in their elder years – might dream of finding a nice warm haven to rest their increasingly fragile bones* far away from the vile winds of winter.

But we are Yankees who were raised to believe in thrift and parsimony. Don’t worry, kids. Rather than spending your inheritance on lavish personal amenities, we will just persevere here in frigid New England, subsisting on cold cereal mixed with melted snow, spending our days watching Court TV and Jerry Springer. It could be worse: At least we don't live in Dayton, Ohio**.

What we should all be worried about is global freezing, and whether they will ever bury poor Anna Nicole Smith?


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*This danger is highlighted by several advertisers of nightly news programs.
**Dayton, Ohio is alleged by my sister-in-law, who lived there for several years, to be the "least desirable place to live on this entire planet."