Solar Flares and Hemorrhoids

If your favorite wireless gadget is acting-up today, it could be because of the solar storm that is pummeling the Earth's atmosphere with cosmic radiation. Scientists (who may actually understand this stuff) warn that some communications may be disturbed - GPS, and other satellite based transmissions will be most vulnerable.

A lot of people are worried about global warming and believe that humans can do something to delay or prevent it. I believe that it is far more likely that civilization as we know it will be destroyed by a disastrous and unforeseen extraterrestrial EMP (electromagnetic pulse) that wipes out all communications, computer memory, and the power grid. Such an event would result in a long period of apocalyptic return to barbarism and chaos for surviving humans. Ok maybe I read too much sci fi during my youth, but I'm not the only one who worries about such things.

Also, I have long held the apparently unscientific belief that the dramatic recent rise in reported cases of personality disorder in humans (especially in children) can be linked to the corresponding increase in the amount of radio waves that are beaming all around and through our collective brain tissue from electromagnetic  sources - microwaves, cell phones and other wireless devices, radar, HD transmissions, ifrared remotes, lasers and you-name-it.  

If microwaves can cook popcorn, it is completely logical that they can alter the molecules of the human/fetal brain. The correlation calculations are not complete yet but I am confident is stating that extraterrestrial radiation will be proven to be the source of many physical maladies. Perhaps we have solved the mystery of unpredictable flare-ups in skin afflictions like psoriasis and certain nagging itches such as hemorrhoids. The current wave of solar powered high speed cosmic protons are crashing through the Van Allen belt at a speed of 14,000 miles per second. These are heavy duty quantum particles that can seriously plunk your magic twanger, Froggy.

Updated version:  A loyal reader (GWP) has informed me that sonar was incorrectly listed in my list of electromagnetic wave sources.   I am pleased to correct this information.  Of course sonar is a sound based wave.  Sonar transmissions are suspected as links to whale and dolphin strandings by some scientists. So they are potentially of earthshaking importance.  (e.g., if the Maker of the Universe sneezes, we could be in for a rocky ride of sonar storms, not to mention celestial germs).

The Reality of Perception

Some of you Skeptics may have a hard time with certain claims made by true believers about the efficacy of pseudo scientific systems of belief , such as Feng Shui and Astrology
The term pseudoscience refers to any body of belief that cannot be subjected to the rigorous test of science.

Most believers in pseudoscience also believe in scientific facts, but they feel that traditional science does not answer enough questions satisfactorily.

My wife tells me that according to Feng Shui the flood was good for us, because it makes room for new things. Yeah, we had to take a lot of wet stuff to the dump and there is room for new things like sump pumps, dehumidifiers, water monitors, back-up generators. And our lives are so much richer with heightened awareness of the power of water to change everything, the increased fear of rain and nightmares of mold growing in dark corners....

Drip Drip Drip = bad, Flood = good, she tells me. And she believes it.
She seems to have a mystical belief in cosmic harmony. If you arrange physical things according to a prescribed thousands-year-old tradition, you create avenues for good energy (Chi) to flow. This is supposed to bring good luck.

I think that the Chi is disturbed by the glut of wireless signals, (especially tweets) because the Universe thinks most electronic gadgets are a huge waste of time. I don't see how ancient systems of belief can be applicable in a quantum physics era. Unless the Chi is traveling through some kind of worm-hole.

A few weeks ago, I was debating a friend about the efficacy of psuedo-scientific medical "cures." He cited anecdotal claims of certain patients who seemed to have benefited from "alternative" (usually a synonym for "psuedo-scientific")approaches to medicine. I argued that there have always been claims of faith healers and charlatans which have been bolstered by the testimony of true believers. Much of the cure was in the mind.
He argued that my position is - in essence - that if the cure was in the mind of the believer, then it follows that the disease is also created by the mind.
I was reluctant to jump on the "it's all in your head" bandwagon because I realize disease is much too complicated to have such a convenient explanation. Clearly, physical injuries are externally caused, and clogged arteries are not a figment of imagination. But studies in recent years show a strong correlation to certain emotional states and diseases. Anger and Heart attacks, neuroses and bowel issues, etc.
A recent article in the Boston Globe Ideas section summarize recent research into the Placebo effect. This is the name scientists give to the phenomenon that occurs where people who think they are getting medicine experience Cures even when the "medicine" is fake.

One of the findings is that the efficacy of placebo is much stronger in diseases that are actually a collection of symptoms that do not appear to have a physical cause, such as irritable bowel and chronic headaches. It seems there is an increasing body of evidence that the real power of the universe is somewhere up there - among the little gray cells. I notice that none of the faith healers on TV are able to grow a new leg for an amputee. Now that REALLY would be a miracle! Paraphrasing George Carlin, "God is all powerful. He has infinite power to cure you, but He draws the line at replacing missing parts!"

One of my old managers would settle disputes with the dictum "Perception is Reality." At the time, I thought it a feckless phrase, typical of the pronouncements of Ivy league B-school graduates. Now, I see the quantum truth of it.

Notes from the lagging edge - 1

Last week, we learned the answer to the question, "What happens if your cellphone becomes immersed in water?" If you have not already experimented on your own, you might want to review the following potential results:

A. Nothing happens, cellphones are designed to be waterproof.
B. The cell phone still works, but it sounds like you are calling from an aquarium.
C. The cell phone still works, but you lose your contacts list.
D. All Cell phone functionality ceases, Il est mort. (if you'll pardon my French)

The correct answer is, of course, D.

...because the geniuses who design mobile technology apparently do not have access to indoor plumbing, they don't go on boats, and don't carry bottles of water around in their purse that might leak and cause the cell phone to become drenched.

Now, if you or I were designing a device that was small and portable, we would make it waterproof, because we know that human beings often drop things, and gravity sometimes makes things fall into inconvenient places. We understand that a device that is small enough to fit in a pocket, will someday go through the laundry.

That's the practical approach. But if you are really smart, you don't waterproof the device, because you know that you can easily sell a new phone to the forgetful, irresponsible, hapless wet-phone loser.

Anyhow, one of our phones got wet last week. It was time to upgrade anyway. Both of our bare bones Coupe 8630's were at least 3 years old. Ancient by today's standards of functionality. Heck, they were primitive when they were new: no camera, very limited graphic processing, mundane ringtone options. The dry phone had started "pocket dialing" phone numbers on the contacts list at random.

So we reluctantly decided it was time to go down to the Verizon Wireless store to get the screwjob over with.

[As mentioned previously, I am a prisoner/customer of a loose federation of businesses that call themselves Verizon. Once you get hooked into FIOS (TV, Internet, Land phone), you might as well get their wireless service too. This way you get one big, consolidated incomprehensible bill each month, instead of several unconsolidated incomprehensible bills.]

They upgraded both of our old low tech phones to the new low-end model. It's an LG Accolade. One of the reasons I chose it was the review that said this model "...isn't the best camera phone, but it succeeds where a cell phone should." As far as I am concerned, my phone is for outgoing calls. I never turn my phone "on" unless I need to call for take-out Chinese or pizza from the car.

Go ahead and try to call me, you will get my voice mail encouraging you to leave a message on my land line. I do not text or take pictures. I have email and a blog (!) if I want to type some words, and I have a Canon digital camera if I need to take a photo.


What is the deal with ringtones anyhow? Why would you want to disturb everyone at the bar with your dumbass favorite song that everyone knows you paid extra for and of course you are very slow to drag out the phone because you want everyone within earshot to know how cool you are, but they are thinking answer the phone you moron and shut off that lame Yanni ringtone.

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