Notes from the lagging edge - 1

Last week, we learned the answer to the question, "What happens if your cellphone becomes immersed in water?" If you have not already experimented on your own, you might want to review the following potential results:

A. Nothing happens, cellphones are designed to be waterproof.
B. The cell phone still works, but it sounds like you are calling from an aquarium.
C. The cell phone still works, but you lose your contacts list.
D. All Cell phone functionality ceases, Il est mort. (if you'll pardon my French)

The correct answer is, of course, D.

...because the geniuses who design mobile technology apparently do not have access to indoor plumbing, they don't go on boats, and don't carry bottles of water around in their purse that might leak and cause the cell phone to become drenched.

Now, if you or I were designing a device that was small and portable, we would make it waterproof, because we know that human beings often drop things, and gravity sometimes makes things fall into inconvenient places. We understand that a device that is small enough to fit in a pocket, will someday go through the laundry.

That's the practical approach. But if you are really smart, you don't waterproof the device, because you know that you can easily sell a new phone to the forgetful, irresponsible, hapless wet-phone loser.

Anyhow, one of our phones got wet last week. It was time to upgrade anyway. Both of our bare bones Coupe 8630's were at least 3 years old. Ancient by today's standards of functionality. Heck, they were primitive when they were new: no camera, very limited graphic processing, mundane ringtone options. The dry phone had started "pocket dialing" phone numbers on the contacts list at random.

So we reluctantly decided it was time to go down to the Verizon Wireless store to get the screwjob over with.

[As mentioned previously, I am a prisoner/customer of a loose federation of businesses that call themselves Verizon. Once you get hooked into FIOS (TV, Internet, Land phone), you might as well get their wireless service too. This way you get one big, consolidated incomprehensible bill each month, instead of several unconsolidated incomprehensible bills.]

They upgraded both of our old low tech phones to the new low-end model. It's an LG Accolade. One of the reasons I chose it was the review that said this model "...isn't the best camera phone, but it succeeds where a cell phone should." As far as I am concerned, my phone is for outgoing calls. I never turn my phone "on" unless I need to call for take-out Chinese or pizza from the car.

Go ahead and try to call me, you will get my voice mail encouraging you to leave a message on my land line. I do not text or take pictures. I have email and a blog (!) if I want to type some words, and I have a Canon digital camera if I need to take a photo.


What is the deal with ringtones anyhow? Why would you want to disturb everyone at the bar with your dumbass favorite song that everyone knows you paid extra for and of course you are very slow to drag out the phone because you want everyone within earshot to know how cool you are, but they are thinking answer the phone you moron and shut off that lame Yanni ringtone.

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