Friends and relatives (especially my wife) often forward job leads to me via e-mail.
These are well-meaning attempts to aid in my pursuit of the Ideal Work Experience (IWE). As you all know, the IWE has eluded me throughout my career. In fact, you could say that the search for the IWE has actually been my real life's work.
Yes, you could say that, but you would be wrong. Most of my "career" has been spent trading labor hours for a paycheck. I think I was a good employee. I worked hard most of the time; I showed-up; I solved problems. In short, I earned my pay. I have disdained the idea that I had anything that could be termed a Career. The word Career implies planning. I just took the best offers I could get with no real thought about where it would lead. The idea of searching for the IWE has only occured to me since I was laid off, nearly 2 years ago. Shows you what happens when you have time to think about things.
I know I may have given some of you the impression that my work goals were basically maximizing my time spent at the water cooler and minimizing the time spent in meetings. It is true that I have been fairly cynical about work in my writings, but this has really been a commentary on dysfunctional organizations, where Management egos wreck previously effective enterprises. Most of the successful organizations I worked in were effective despite management, not because of their genius.
I never felt defined by my title, since the real me was the person who came home from work in the evening and who left for work in the morning. In the beginning, I had buoyant hopes that the cliches were true and somehow I would rise to the top - whatever talent I had would be recognized and rewarded. Ah naive youth.
These early hopes were pretty much dashed on the rocks of despair by managers who were looking for leaner and meaner disciples. The real world was colder and crueler than I had imagined. They wanted people who were disciplined, who would follow orders, praise the Emperor's new clothes...
Anyhow, the other day, a friend forwarded a job lead for a Data Warehouse Project Manager. I checked it out, but the company is a high powered consulting outfit, looking for bright, young, lean and hungry "Playas" who devote their waking hours to activities that bring-in billable hours from the clueless client. This is not now nor ever was Me.
Henceforth, I wish to inform folks who might be tempted to send me job leads that I am only considering work at one of Fortune's "100 Best Places to work in America."
2/27/2005
2/22/2005
Epiphany
One of my favorite work metaphors has been the Sinking Ship. Often times we get so hung-up on the petty events of our working lives that we sense disaster just ahead, lurking just below the icy ocean surface, unseen by the Captains up in Mahogany Row.
I have oft described my assignments as "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic", or "criticizing the choice of tunes played by the orchestra" as the freezing ocean rushes in through giant gash below the water line.
While this may be poetic and entertaining imagery, it is less accurate than it is therapeutic. Of all the enterprises where I applied this metaphor, none of them was actually seriously damaged by the crisis that I was experiencing at the time.
This point came clear to me today as I was reading the WSJ. There was an article about people who actually loved their long commute to work and back.
These were people who looked at creative ways to spend the time, rather than railing at the unknown forces that stalled traffic, broke-down busses and trains and caused passengers of irregular hygiene habits to sit next to them. These people had managed to alter their attitude toward a heinous experience and turn it into lemonade. They read books, wrote their diaries, listened to tapes, even meditated. What genius!
Thinking about this, it suddenly became clear to me that we create our own Hellholes!
This mental abberation is easy to see in others: we all know people who seem to create bad luck for themselves by their behavior, choices, negative thoughts.
But when we look in the mirror, we see a noble hero, valiantly fighting for truth and justice in a world filled with ego-maniacs and blowhards.
So, let the word go forth. I have resolved to adopt a new attitude toward my next work situation. No longer will I be calling names, alluding to clueless management and corrupt co-workers, while painting myself as a decent, well-meaning perfect employee who has been badly-used.
I am re-born. I shall henceforth endeaver to re-invent myself. In the future I shall try my hardest to be as evil, self-serving and untrustworthy as the rest of you bastards. It feels better already.
I have oft described my assignments as "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic", or "criticizing the choice of tunes played by the orchestra" as the freezing ocean rushes in through giant gash below the water line.
While this may be poetic and entertaining imagery, it is less accurate than it is therapeutic. Of all the enterprises where I applied this metaphor, none of them was actually seriously damaged by the crisis that I was experiencing at the time.
This point came clear to me today as I was reading the WSJ. There was an article about people who actually loved their long commute to work and back.
These were people who looked at creative ways to spend the time, rather than railing at the unknown forces that stalled traffic, broke-down busses and trains and caused passengers of irregular hygiene habits to sit next to them. These people had managed to alter their attitude toward a heinous experience and turn it into lemonade. They read books, wrote their diaries, listened to tapes, even meditated. What genius!
Thinking about this, it suddenly became clear to me that we create our own Hellholes!
This mental abberation is easy to see in others: we all know people who seem to create bad luck for themselves by their behavior, choices, negative thoughts.
But when we look in the mirror, we see a noble hero, valiantly fighting for truth and justice in a world filled with ego-maniacs and blowhards.
So, let the word go forth. I have resolved to adopt a new attitude toward my next work situation. No longer will I be calling names, alluding to clueless management and corrupt co-workers, while painting myself as a decent, well-meaning perfect employee who has been badly-used.
I am re-born. I shall henceforth endeaver to re-invent myself. In the future I shall try my hardest to be as evil, self-serving and untrustworthy as the rest of you bastards. It feels better already.
2/15/2005
Edifice Complex
I was reading a book the other day titled "Pushing The Limits". The author, Petroski has a fascination with big engineering projects, and has written a rambling but interesting account of some of the most impressive bridge and tunnel projects of the past hundred years or so. The book got me to thinking about people who had the vision, drive, talent and opportunity to build bridges and other massive construction challenges.
Building a bridge has some stickiness to it that I find worthy of envy. For a systems analyst, getting the weekly payroll to correctly generate a few thousand paychecks might have a short term glow to it. But, before you know it, you need to do it again, and again. After a while, no one really notices, unless you foul-up.
Implementing a successful business application cannot really compare to the lasting, palpable presence of a bridge or an edifice.
Most of the folks I've known (this probably includes YOU) have spent a lifetime of work and never do anything of comparable permanence. My favorite kind of work - shoveling snow - is quite satisfying in the short term. But, the visual pleasure of seeing the mountain of cleared snow is fleeting and ephemeral when compared to the gratification one gets from building something out of solid materials.
Even artistic accomplishments - paintings, statues, poems have a persistence that invites an increased sense of accomplishment. By the way, Blogging is the second least permanent medium I can think of, right after a spoken conversation. Verbal discussions and blogs are quickly crowded off the frame of focus by other distractions. Even the newspaper which most people throw away each evening, has more stickiness - and portability. Readers can take the morning newspaper into what Brian euphemistically calls the "library" to peruse during their daily squat. Try doing that with your Desktop monitor. But I digress.
The worst kind of work is missionary work. Helping people who are stuck in a bad situation is admirable. But bringing the evils of civilization and religion to the innocent peaceful inhabitants of some far flung jungle is worse than being a machine gunner.
Most of the work I have done is probably analogous to tunnel work. Most of the results are hidden. We were always talking about the light at the end, hoping that it was not an oncoming train.
Building a bridge has some stickiness to it that I find worthy of envy. For a systems analyst, getting the weekly payroll to correctly generate a few thousand paychecks might have a short term glow to it. But, before you know it, you need to do it again, and again. After a while, no one really notices, unless you foul-up.
Implementing a successful business application cannot really compare to the lasting, palpable presence of a bridge or an edifice.
Most of the folks I've known (this probably includes YOU) have spent a lifetime of work and never do anything of comparable permanence. My favorite kind of work - shoveling snow - is quite satisfying in the short term. But, the visual pleasure of seeing the mountain of cleared snow is fleeting and ephemeral when compared to the gratification one gets from building something out of solid materials.
Even artistic accomplishments - paintings, statues, poems have a persistence that invites an increased sense of accomplishment. By the way, Blogging is the second least permanent medium I can think of, right after a spoken conversation. Verbal discussions and blogs are quickly crowded off the frame of focus by other distractions. Even the newspaper which most people throw away each evening, has more stickiness - and portability. Readers can take the morning newspaper into what Brian euphemistically calls the "library" to peruse during their daily squat. Try doing that with your Desktop monitor. But I digress.
The worst kind of work is missionary work. Helping people who are stuck in a bad situation is admirable. But bringing the evils of civilization and religion to the innocent peaceful inhabitants of some far flung jungle is worse than being a machine gunner.
Most of the work I have done is probably analogous to tunnel work. Most of the results are hidden. We were always talking about the light at the end, hoping that it was not an oncoming train.
2/14/2005
No Valentine for Bush
Wow, the Iraqi election results are in. Surprise. They chose a Theocracy. The secular slate which supported the US got only 14% of the vote. The new duly elected representatives will be kicking our asses out of the country before you can say "catastophic failure."
So much for the Bush administrations's 300-Billion dollar, 10,000 man experiment in mid-east democracy. The newsguys say the administration is "surprised" by the results of the election - just like they have been surprised by everything that has happened since Bush was elected in 2000.
Now, we have a new ally for Iran in the mideast, bought and paid-for by US citizens and US marine blood. How do you guys like it? I think it sucks.
So much for the Bush administrations's 300-Billion dollar, 10,000 man experiment in mid-east democracy. The newsguys say the administration is "surprised" by the results of the election - just like they have been surprised by everything that has happened since Bush was elected in 2000.
Now, we have a new ally for Iran in the mideast, bought and paid-for by US citizens and US marine blood. How do you guys like it? I think it sucks.
2/08/2005
Final Thoughts on The Superbowl
What has happened to the championship game of the NFL? Instead of a sporting event, it has become a political media event. We have former presidents, an ex-Beatle, and business leaders all vieing and mugging for the camera. Flyovers by the Air Force and touching scenes of young soldiers overseas watching the game as a connection with home.
These are all fine and interesting scenes but what do they have to do with football?
To a TV football watcher who saw the first superbowl (but forgets who played, the whole thing has gotten way out of hand. And not in a good way.
The start time for the game has been tweaked for optimal commercial payback. The original 2pm daytime kickoff time has drifted upwards to 6:30pm EST. This makes partying less attractive. The loyal season ticket holders are not rewarded with championship tickets at reasonable prices, and how can they compete with the grinning state solons who are offfered tickets nearly for free.
Women who know nothing about football and care even less are watching for the commercials and the half time shows.
Don't get me started on the commercials. How did it happen that an industry has sprung-up to keep viewers posted on the ads? You can go to a website on the internet and vote for your favorite superbowl commercial (of the forty or so that interrupted the game.)
Folks, we have been duped into actually asking for commericials! It is sick, I tell you.
These are all fine and interesting scenes but what do they have to do with football?
To a TV football watcher who saw the first superbowl (but forgets who played, the whole thing has gotten way out of hand. And not in a good way.
The start time for the game has been tweaked for optimal commercial payback. The original 2pm daytime kickoff time has drifted upwards to 6:30pm EST. This makes partying less attractive. The loyal season ticket holders are not rewarded with championship tickets at reasonable prices, and how can they compete with the grinning state solons who are offfered tickets nearly for free.
Women who know nothing about football and care even less are watching for the commercials and the half time shows.
Don't get me started on the commercials. How did it happen that an industry has sprung-up to keep viewers posted on the ads? You can go to a website on the internet and vote for your favorite superbowl commercial (of the forty or so that interrupted the game.)
Folks, we have been duped into actually asking for commericials! It is sick, I tell you.
2/05/2005
Gig from Hell
Perhaps it is not surprising to readers of this journal when I report that my current contracting assignment has turned into the Gig from Hell. What started out as a benevolent, routine Access Database job, working for "volunteer" wages at a local non-profit has devolved into a rat's nest of complications.
My first mistake was underestimating the work. My second mistake was assuming that the working conditions were agreeable. The third and biggest mistake was assuming that the users knew what they wanted.
I had estimated the cleanup effort at 40-60 hrs, and stipulated that my charges would not exceed the upper-limit. After I actually got in there and analyzed the situation, I was a bit surprised to find that there was no resident expert to explain why things are the way they are. And no one could articulate what they wanted me to do.
In my past lives, I always had a knowledgeable user who could define - or at least validate the business rules. At this place, my inquiry about business rules was met with a look of panic. We don't have business rules, my user almost sobbed from the stress of my probing interrogation.
That's when I realized that what they wanted was magic. Somehow the database should support some unknown objective. Just get rid of the records that we don't need. Oh, good let's talk about the ones you do need. I have no idea. That's why we hired You! Oh dear, that will take a bit longer.
Another vexing complication is my incompetence when it comes to actually doing labor intensive technical tasks. I can fudge my way through some basic SQL queries, but the mysteries of writing macros (or any form of code) seem to be beyond my ken. Another fortunate aspect of my professional career has been the luck of teaming-up with talented techies who like to do that sort of thing.
So, here I am. Alone on the open ocean of independent contracting - over my head with no life raft, mucking around with forms and mismatched data types and referential integrity - working for peanuts.
Oh yes it has been a learning experience. Corporate America, please, take me back!
My first mistake was underestimating the work. My second mistake was assuming that the working conditions were agreeable. The third and biggest mistake was assuming that the users knew what they wanted.
I had estimated the cleanup effort at 40-60 hrs, and stipulated that my charges would not exceed the upper-limit. After I actually got in there and analyzed the situation, I was a bit surprised to find that there was no resident expert to explain why things are the way they are. And no one could articulate what they wanted me to do.
In my past lives, I always had a knowledgeable user who could define - or at least validate the business rules. At this place, my inquiry about business rules was met with a look of panic. We don't have business rules, my user almost sobbed from the stress of my probing interrogation.
That's when I realized that what they wanted was magic. Somehow the database should support some unknown objective. Just get rid of the records that we don't need. Oh, good let's talk about the ones you do need. I have no idea. That's why we hired You! Oh dear, that will take a bit longer.
Another vexing complication is my incompetence when it comes to actually doing labor intensive technical tasks. I can fudge my way through some basic SQL queries, but the mysteries of writing macros (or any form of code) seem to be beyond my ken. Another fortunate aspect of my professional career has been the luck of teaming-up with talented techies who like to do that sort of thing.
So, here I am. Alone on the open ocean of independent contracting - over my head with no life raft, mucking around with forms and mismatched data types and referential integrity - working for peanuts.
Oh yes it has been a learning experience. Corporate America, please, take me back!
2/01/2005
Cutting Edges
Procter and Gamble wants to buy Gillette. Oh, the copywriters are honing their headlines to show how cleverly they can play on the words about these mega-consumer providers. The lines are too easy, and it will take some really disciplined writers to reach for the simile, metaphor or turn-of-phrase that will make readers envy the cleverness of the writer rather than fighting the urge to pummel the writer.
A favorite metaphor of management is expressed with the tired business objective "...to be on the cutting edge" of their industry. I think this is an ill-chosen image. I think they mean "progressive" or "at the forefront" or even "ahead of the pack." But the words conjure a vision of wood shavings curling away from a plank, or a scythe mowing a swathe of wheat. The cutting edge is destructive. The glint of the razor begs for blood.
When I hear some maven of business uttering this pop cliche, I cannot help but recall a Mad Magazine cartoon - a kid is sliding down a long curving banister and as he rounds the final curve, he suddenly sees that the bottom section turns into a giant razor blade. Oooch.
Tom Lehrer immortalized the image in one of his little ditties ( Bright College Days"
The lyric goes
"... Soon we'll be out, amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life..." (oooch)
You would think that the company that offered an eternally-sharp "Ginsu" razor blade would become gloriously successful. But Gillette has demonstrated that the real money comes from the recurring sale of blades not in the sale of razors.
There is something vaguely disturbing about the recent spate of acquisitions and mergers between already large companies (e.g., Oracle-PeopleSoft, SBC-AT&T, Cingular-AT&T Wireless). These mega-deals may benefit the corporate mavens and stockholders, but they don't sound so sweet to the employees that will be consolidated-out of a job, or to the consumers who will inevitably pay increased prices in a less competitive marketplace. (Fewer employees, more profits = bloody brilliant!)
I would like to believe in the Ayn Rand brand of free market rationalism, but my gut tells me that more big companies are not a good thing. These multi-everything institutions begin to behave like political entities rather than economically driven organizations. Monopolistic control of pricing and availability will ultimately reduce consumer choices while increasing the cost of goods. The rising costs do not result in better quality goods - because executives realize that they get more bang for the buck if they spend the buck on marketing than if they spend it on product development.
Face it. We are screwed.
========
In a related story, US auditors cannot account for Nine Billion US Taxpayer dollars that was spent in Iraq last year. Incredibly, our guy Bremer said that we gave most of it to the Iraqi provisional government, but did not make them account for how the money was spent. Don't the Iraqis have oil? Why are we paying for everything? Who the heck is in charge?
When the enterprise gets so big that those responsible do not have to answer to anyone, we are screwed. Royally.
In yesterday's historic election in Iraq, everyone was surprised. The turnout was higher (percentage-wise) than in most American elections. This, despite the fact that they all had to walk to the polls, stand in long lines, risk death or injury, undergo a personal body frisking, and hardly anyone one really knew who they were voting for.
On second thought, it sounds a lot like the reports from Ohio last November.
A favorite metaphor of management is expressed with the tired business objective "...to be on the cutting edge" of their industry. I think this is an ill-chosen image. I think they mean "progressive" or "at the forefront" or even "ahead of the pack." But the words conjure a vision of wood shavings curling away from a plank, or a scythe mowing a swathe of wheat. The cutting edge is destructive. The glint of the razor begs for blood.
When I hear some maven of business uttering this pop cliche, I cannot help but recall a Mad Magazine cartoon - a kid is sliding down a long curving banister and as he rounds the final curve, he suddenly sees that the bottom section turns into a giant razor blade. Oooch.
Tom Lehrer immortalized the image in one of his little ditties ( Bright College Days"
The lyric goes
"... Soon we'll be out, amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life..." (oooch)
You would think that the company that offered an eternally-sharp "Ginsu" razor blade would become gloriously successful. But Gillette has demonstrated that the real money comes from the recurring sale of blades not in the sale of razors.
There is something vaguely disturbing about the recent spate of acquisitions and mergers between already large companies (e.g., Oracle-PeopleSoft, SBC-AT&T, Cingular-AT&T Wireless). These mega-deals may benefit the corporate mavens and stockholders, but they don't sound so sweet to the employees that will be consolidated-out of a job, or to the consumers who will inevitably pay increased prices in a less competitive marketplace. (Fewer employees, more profits = bloody brilliant!)
I would like to believe in the Ayn Rand brand of free market rationalism, but my gut tells me that more big companies are not a good thing. These multi-everything institutions begin to behave like political entities rather than economically driven organizations. Monopolistic control of pricing and availability will ultimately reduce consumer choices while increasing the cost of goods. The rising costs do not result in better quality goods - because executives realize that they get more bang for the buck if they spend the buck on marketing than if they spend it on product development.
Face it. We are screwed.
========
In a related story, US auditors cannot account for Nine Billion US Taxpayer dollars that was spent in Iraq last year. Incredibly, our guy Bremer said that we gave most of it to the Iraqi provisional government, but did not make them account for how the money was spent. Don't the Iraqis have oil? Why are we paying for everything? Who the heck is in charge?
When the enterprise gets so big that those responsible do not have to answer to anyone, we are screwed. Royally.
In yesterday's historic election in Iraq, everyone was surprised. The turnout was higher (percentage-wise) than in most American elections. This, despite the fact that they all had to walk to the polls, stand in long lines, risk death or injury, undergo a personal body frisking, and hardly anyone one really knew who they were voting for.
On second thought, it sounds a lot like the reports from Ohio last November.
1/24/2005
When Weather is News
I know what you're thinking: Here comes another rant about the TV Media's irrepressible campaign to exploit the fears of viewers to make them stay-tuned and watch more commercial messages.
But you are wrong. I have no interest in lampooning those silly "live updates" with some pitiful newsy standing outside in the driving blizzard to report on the blowing snow, the wind-chill factor, the dangerous driving conditions. Nor am I going to jab the tiresome weather guys and gals for "teasing" us with the promise of dire weather warnings that we will only learn if we stay-tuned to the upcoming segment.
No. These may be pertinent examples of the disturbing trend of weather-tainment, but they are not the topic I wish to address today. Let me remind you that the theme of this journal is the nature of work and the meaning it has on our lives.
More importantly, this has been the record of one man's quest to find the self-actualized life. A search for fulfilling, meaningful work and an ideal workplace. (Unlike the Hellholes where he has toiled for most of his questful life).
I know exactly what you are thinking: "Give up. Utopia is for dreamers. Besides no one wants to employ an aging, stubborn, insubordinate, fat guy with no sense of urgency. (Did we mention unorganized?)"
Well, then fine. You have your opinion. I have this! (Holds-up a potentially winning megamillions lottery ticket. Fade to scene of snowplows on highway.)
Cold Enough For You?
We had a big winter storm yesterday. Twenty-something inches in my driveway. It was the best kind of snow to clear away. Fine, dry and light. The Snowthrower went through it like butter. Not really a big deal. And let's face it, shoveling snow is the purest form of work you can do.
Annually, I host a get-together for the guys to watch both league championship football games. Typically, they are the most interesting games to watch, since they pit the best teams from each league.
By 3pm the local streets were clear enough for George and Bill (fearless fans who laugh in the face of travel warnings) to come here to watch the league playoff games, drink beer and eat grilled meat. Rick and my brother cancelled, since neither of them had shoveled-out their driveways yet; they were still waiting for someone else to do the work (imagine passing-up the opportunity to occupy one'self in such satisfying labor.) My brother who is not a true believer claims that God put the snow there and he was not going to mess with the work of the Creator. Besides, the governor had declared a state of emergency. The roads were a mess. Despite such wimpery in the audience, the Patriots vanquished the Steelers handily.
Today, Mit Romney was on TV. State workers were being asked to stay home today, since there was nowhere for them to park with all the snow. Now, I know a few state workers, and I'll bet my lottery winnings that not one of them insisted on going-in on public transportation. One friend was supposed to start her new job as a state employee. She was told to stay home and take a paid day off. (That's what I call a great beginning. A harbinger of Utopia? Time will tell.)
We are going to the Superbowl Baby!
The superbowl is to a professional football player the ultimate success. As searchers of peak work experiences, we should all rejoice in the good fortune of these football employees - especially the third string back-ups who don't really have to do anything. They get a free trip to Florida in February. They get a nice ring, that can be auctioned off for big bucks someday, if necessary. And they get a huge bonus - even if they lose. That's pretty good work, if you can get it.
But you are wrong. I have no interest in lampooning those silly "live updates" with some pitiful newsy standing outside in the driving blizzard to report on the blowing snow, the wind-chill factor, the dangerous driving conditions. Nor am I going to jab the tiresome weather guys and gals for "teasing" us with the promise of dire weather warnings that we will only learn if we stay-tuned to the upcoming segment.
No. These may be pertinent examples of the disturbing trend of weather-tainment, but they are not the topic I wish to address today. Let me remind you that the theme of this journal is the nature of work and the meaning it has on our lives.
More importantly, this has been the record of one man's quest to find the self-actualized life. A search for fulfilling, meaningful work and an ideal workplace. (Unlike the Hellholes where he has toiled for most of his questful life).
I know exactly what you are thinking: "Give up. Utopia is for dreamers. Besides no one wants to employ an aging, stubborn, insubordinate, fat guy with no sense of urgency. (Did we mention unorganized?)"
Well, then fine. You have your opinion. I have this! (Holds-up a potentially winning megamillions lottery ticket. Fade to scene of snowplows on highway.)
Cold Enough For You?
We had a big winter storm yesterday. Twenty-something inches in my driveway. It was the best kind of snow to clear away. Fine, dry and light. The Snowthrower went through it like butter. Not really a big deal. And let's face it, shoveling snow is the purest form of work you can do.
Annually, I host a get-together for the guys to watch both league championship football games. Typically, they are the most interesting games to watch, since they pit the best teams from each league.
By 3pm the local streets were clear enough for George and Bill (fearless fans who laugh in the face of travel warnings) to come here to watch the league playoff games, drink beer and eat grilled meat. Rick and my brother cancelled, since neither of them had shoveled-out their driveways yet; they were still waiting for someone else to do the work (imagine passing-up the opportunity to occupy one'self in such satisfying labor.) My brother who is not a true believer claims that God put the snow there and he was not going to mess with the work of the Creator. Besides, the governor had declared a state of emergency. The roads were a mess. Despite such wimpery in the audience, the Patriots vanquished the Steelers handily.
Today, Mit Romney was on TV. State workers were being asked to stay home today, since there was nowhere for them to park with all the snow. Now, I know a few state workers, and I'll bet my lottery winnings that not one of them insisted on going-in on public transportation. One friend was supposed to start her new job as a state employee. She was told to stay home and take a paid day off. (That's what I call a great beginning. A harbinger of Utopia? Time will tell.)
We are going to the Superbowl Baby!
The superbowl is to a professional football player the ultimate success. As searchers of peak work experiences, we should all rejoice in the good fortune of these football employees - especially the third string back-ups who don't really have to do anything. They get a free trip to Florida in February. They get a nice ring, that can be auctioned off for big bucks someday, if necessary. And they get a huge bonus - even if they lose. That's pretty good work, if you can get it.
1/22/2005
Investigating
I was surfing the channels on TV the other day and happened to stop on the program called "Dog - The Bounty Hunter." This guy - Dog has a great job. He chases down bail jumpers, beats the hell out of them and then lectures them about fiscal responsibility all during the ride back to jail. Apparently, Bounty Hunters do not need a warrant. They can come to your house, kick down the door and shoot you if you resist.
Hmmn I thought, Bounty Hunting might be a little to much of a career transition for someone whose most confrontive act was asking for the senior discount at Papa Gino's.
But, when I saw an ad on Monster.com for a Private Investigator, I started thinking about the parallels between systems analysis and crime fighting. Analytical mind, patient observer, willing to write up detailed accounts of relatively mundane events, able to keep a secret... Crap. That was the booger in the oatmeal. How the heck could I be trusted to keep a secret? I'm a yakker, a shmoozer, a story teller. No way I could pass the battery of psychological tests to find the perfect investigator: Disciplined, heartless, follower of orders, no empathy for the victim oops I mean suspect.
By the way, the dirty little secret of job boards is that many of the listings are NOT jobs, but rather sneaky and underhanded come-on's from people who do not have jobs but use fake jobs to suck you into giving them information and paying them money to list you in their database, which they say will help you find jobs. Some of their come-ons are probably familiar: (Work at home licking envelopes and make hundreds a week! Be a Secret Shopper - you can get rich! Earn Millions from the Belly Button Lint you have in your own home!)
This "ad" was the same type of marketing BS. The offer you a "test" to see if you are the right sort of personality to be an Investigator earning thousands of dollars just watching people go in and out of motels, or tracking down bail jumpers,like Dog?
I must say I was surprised to learn how many different jobs there are in the field of "investigation." Here is the list they published in the ad.
* Background Investigations
* Civil & Undercover Investigations
* Retail & Cashier Fraud Surveillances
* Crime Scene Analysis
* Sales Fraud Investigations
* Criminal & Drug Investigations
* Real Estate Fraud
* Nursing Home Abandonment Cases
* Insurance Fraud
* Music & Video Piracy
* Nanny & Child Care Investigations
* Integrity Shopping Services
* Missing Persons & Research
* Pre-Employment for hotel chain employees
* Dead Beat Spouse Collections
* Process Service
* Customer Service Investigations
* Internet and Web Hack Programmer Investigations
* Telemarketing & Collections Investigations
* Protective & Bodyguard Services
* Work at Home scam Investigations
* Skip Tracing
* Clerical and Office embezzlement
* Forensic and/or Evidentiary Photography
* Federal Anti-Piracy Investigations
* Medical Negligence Examinations
* Identity & Social Security Theft
Sounds like crime creates a lot of jobs. Maybe we need to encourage that sort of behavior.
Hmmn I thought, Bounty Hunting might be a little to much of a career transition for someone whose most confrontive act was asking for the senior discount at Papa Gino's.
But, when I saw an ad on Monster.com for a Private Investigator, I started thinking about the parallels between systems analysis and crime fighting. Analytical mind, patient observer, willing to write up detailed accounts of relatively mundane events, able to keep a secret... Crap. That was the booger in the oatmeal. How the heck could I be trusted to keep a secret? I'm a yakker, a shmoozer, a story teller. No way I could pass the battery of psychological tests to find the perfect investigator: Disciplined, heartless, follower of orders, no empathy for the victim oops I mean suspect.
By the way, the dirty little secret of job boards is that many of the listings are NOT jobs, but rather sneaky and underhanded come-on's from people who do not have jobs but use fake jobs to suck you into giving them information and paying them money to list you in their database, which they say will help you find jobs. Some of their come-ons are probably familiar: (Work at home licking envelopes and make hundreds a week! Be a Secret Shopper - you can get rich! Earn Millions from the Belly Button Lint you have in your own home!)
This "ad" was the same type of marketing BS. The offer you a "test" to see if you are the right sort of personality to be an Investigator earning thousands of dollars just watching people go in and out of motels, or tracking down bail jumpers,like Dog?
I must say I was surprised to learn how many different jobs there are in the field of "investigation." Here is the list they published in the ad.
* Background Investigations
* Civil & Undercover Investigations
* Retail & Cashier Fraud Surveillances
* Crime Scene Analysis
* Sales Fraud Investigations
* Criminal & Drug Investigations
* Real Estate Fraud
* Nursing Home Abandonment Cases
* Insurance Fraud
* Music & Video Piracy
* Nanny & Child Care Investigations
* Integrity Shopping Services
* Missing Persons & Research
* Pre-Employment for hotel chain employees
* Dead Beat Spouse Collections
* Process Service
* Customer Service Investigations
* Internet and Web Hack Programmer Investigations
* Telemarketing & Collections Investigations
* Protective & Bodyguard Services
* Work at Home scam Investigations
* Skip Tracing
* Clerical and Office embezzlement
* Forensic and/or Evidentiary Photography
* Federal Anti-Piracy Investigations
* Medical Negligence Examinations
* Identity & Social Security Theft
Sounds like crime creates a lot of jobs. Maybe we need to encourage that sort of behavior.
1/20/2005
Marketing Lies
It has been bone-chilling cold around here lately. So, it was not surprising that my eye was caught by an advertisement for Air Tran hyping the discount fare to Sarasota, FL of $89 In smaller type was the qualifier "One-way". So it was a great rate for a terrorist or someone planning to expire in Florida.
Then I noticed that the price had a small asterisk. So I read the footnote which was printed in faint microscopic letters. It was a disclaimer that the price * doesn't include a segment cost of $3.20 or a 9/11 security fee of $10 or a charge that they call Airport Passenger Facility Charge of up to $18. Hmmn. Now, we are talking about a one-way ticket that costs no less than $120. Further, the weasel words included "limited availability" of seats at this price, and two weeks advance booking was required for these non-refundable tickets, if you could get one.
How come the government doesn't protect consumers from lying marketing bastards?
We should teach our kids to read ads as follows: "Sonny, when you see an ad with an asterisk it means 'we are lying.' fine print= Lies. Fast talking= liar."
Talk about liars, Air Tran used to be called ValueJet before the big crash a few years ago. They have the worst safety record in the industry.
Then I noticed that the price had a small asterisk. So I read the footnote which was printed in faint microscopic letters. It was a disclaimer that the price * doesn't include a segment cost of $3.20 or a 9/11 security fee of $10 or a charge that they call Airport Passenger Facility Charge of up to $18. Hmmn. Now, we are talking about a one-way ticket that costs no less than $120. Further, the weasel words included "limited availability" of seats at this price, and two weeks advance booking was required for these non-refundable tickets, if you could get one.
How come the government doesn't protect consumers from lying marketing bastards?
We should teach our kids to read ads as follows: "Sonny, when you see an ad with an asterisk it means 'we are lying.' fine print= Lies. Fast talking= liar."
Talk about liars, Air Tran used to be called ValueJet before the big crash a few years ago. They have the worst safety record in the industry.
1/16/2005
Best Places to work
Fortune Magazine has recently published their annual list of the 100 Best Places to Work in the USA. Not surprisingly, none of my former employers were on the list. (In fact, now that I think of it, most of my former employers are not even in business anymore. Wang, Prime, Index Tech, Bull Express)
Actually, none of them - even the ones that became Fortune 1000 companies - could have even make a list of the top 100 thousand best places to work in the USA.
"What makes a workplace into a Hellhole?" is a frequent question posed to yours truly. The answer is very simple: Clueless Management.
Our system of promotion and reward tends to advance the most competitive and ruthless among the workforce. This is the ideal province of narcissists and sociopaths. Only a small fraction of those individuals who succeed under this system are truly talented, empathetic and wise.
To my way of thinking, a good place to work requires Wisdom and Empathy in the governing hierarchy. Most of the senior management I have observed (and read about) are wrapped-up in their own agendas and egos. They give lip service to the people who do the work - the rank and file. At quarterly meetings they drone, "We could not have done it without you." But, privately, they believe that all success is due to their genius; but, failure is due to "economic conditions" or "lack of sufficient training."
Do not get me wrong, I am not an anti-management disgruntled dissenter. In fact, I am a booster for the wise and empathetic managers who make decisions which allow all boats to rise with the tide. If I ever meet one, I shall be sure to document it right here.
Actually, none of them - even the ones that became Fortune 1000 companies - could have even make a list of the top 100 thousand best places to work in the USA.
"What makes a workplace into a Hellhole?" is a frequent question posed to yours truly. The answer is very simple: Clueless Management.
Our system of promotion and reward tends to advance the most competitive and ruthless among the workforce. This is the ideal province of narcissists and sociopaths. Only a small fraction of those individuals who succeed under this system are truly talented, empathetic and wise.
To my way of thinking, a good place to work requires Wisdom and Empathy in the governing hierarchy. Most of the senior management I have observed (and read about) are wrapped-up in their own agendas and egos. They give lip service to the people who do the work - the rank and file. At quarterly meetings they drone, "We could not have done it without you." But, privately, they believe that all success is due to their genius; but, failure is due to "economic conditions" or "lack of sufficient training."
Do not get me wrong, I am not an anti-management disgruntled dissenter. In fact, I am a booster for the wise and empathetic managers who make decisions which allow all boats to rise with the tide. If I ever meet one, I shall be sure to document it right here.
1/11/2005
Necessity is the mother
Thinking about reinventing myself. It's pretty obvious that hiring managers are not interested in the old Me:
- The aging, insubordinate, prima donna systems analyst.
- The fussy bastard who complains about everything from unacceptable working conditions to excessive useless meetings.
- The curmudgeon who rails at the prospect of commuting for more than 15 minutes, who takes 90 minute lunches, who stays home at the first sign of a sniffle, who insists on being sent to boondoggle User Conferences in places like San Francisco, Las Vegas and New Orleans.
- The fraidy-cat self-preservationist who refuses to even apply for a job in a location that might be attacked by terrorists (ie, any company that has offices above the fourth floor).
- The obstinate foot-dragger who insists on designing usability into those tedious business applications.
- The self-appointed Director of Dissent, donut aficionado, and first-one-in-line at the Coffee Wagon.
So, perhaps it is high time to evolve to a new profile. You know, the type that managers like to have on their teams:
- Hard working, entrepreneurial spirited, get-it-done mentality.
- Hands-on experience with every system platform and software utility ever produced.
- Competitive sociopath with monomaniacal focus.
- Willing to go the distance, step-up to the plate, win one for the gipper.
- Positive can-do spirit, especially when implementing the managers agenda, however flawed.
- Docile, loyal, eager-to-please, regardless of how idiotic are the directions from above.
- Thin, shaven, recently bathed and wearing clean clothes.
- Willing to suffer complete assholes, long meetings, tedious commuting distances, outrageous working conditions (eg, cubicles, no cafeteria, professional dress code), and lengthy work days.
Hmmn. This will be a challenge.
Hey, I just noticed tonight's Mega-million lottery jackpot is $92 million. Talk about re-inventing myself.... Yeah. That's the ticket....
- The aging, insubordinate, prima donna systems analyst.
- The fussy bastard who complains about everything from unacceptable working conditions to excessive useless meetings.
- The curmudgeon who rails at the prospect of commuting for more than 15 minutes, who takes 90 minute lunches, who stays home at the first sign of a sniffle, who insists on being sent to boondoggle User Conferences in places like San Francisco, Las Vegas and New Orleans.
- The fraidy-cat self-preservationist who refuses to even apply for a job in a location that might be attacked by terrorists (ie, any company that has offices above the fourth floor).
- The obstinate foot-dragger who insists on designing usability into those tedious business applications.
- The self-appointed Director of Dissent, donut aficionado, and first-one-in-line at the Coffee Wagon.
So, perhaps it is high time to evolve to a new profile. You know, the type that managers like to have on their teams:
- Hard working, entrepreneurial spirited, get-it-done mentality.
- Hands-on experience with every system platform and software utility ever produced.
- Competitive sociopath with monomaniacal focus.
- Willing to go the distance, step-up to the plate, win one for the gipper.
- Positive can-do spirit, especially when implementing the managers agenda, however flawed.
- Docile, loyal, eager-to-please, regardless of how idiotic are the directions from above.
- Thin, shaven, recently bathed and wearing clean clothes.
- Willing to suffer complete assholes, long meetings, tedious commuting distances, outrageous working conditions (eg, cubicles, no cafeteria, professional dress code), and lengthy work days.
Hmmn. This will be a challenge.
Hey, I just noticed tonight's Mega-million lottery jackpot is $92 million. Talk about re-inventing myself.... Yeah. That's the ticket....
1/08/2005
Vexing events
I got an unsolicited e-mail yesterday. It said:
"My name is Megan Connelly and I am the Recruiting Coordinator for American Express Financial Advisors. I came across your resume on Jobfind.com and I'm very interested to meet with you to discuss the Financial Advisor position. We are currently seeking individuals to work in our Waltham location. This opportunity can be both personally and financially rewarding. It requires initiative, hard work, self-discipline, and an entrepreneurial orientation."
The e-mail went on to say that someone would be calling me yada-yada. I decided to be proactive. I replied:
"Dear Megan,
Thanks for your interest, but I am definitely not looking for anything that involves hard work or self-discipline. My goals are to be overpaid, have lots of naps and excessive vacation. I want a big corner office and a beautiful buxom secretary...And lots of stock options. "
After re-reading my reply, I realized that I should have been more firm about my lack of interest in working in Financial Services, selling shoddy investment advice to unsuspecting victims who have managed to put a few bucks aside. So I added: "If you had read my CV carefully, you would ascertain that my career objectives do not include Bloodsucking weasel."
In a related story: There was a news item a few days ago about an unfortunate woman from Brockton. (I should say "cursed" because she was both dumb and dentally challenged. ) She fell for the scam where someone from a foreign government/bank sends a "confidential" E-mail to you to inform you that you have inherited money from a deceased distant relative. To get the huge payout, all you need to do is send ten thousand US to handle administrative costs. Now, most of us are too smart to fall for this type of fraud. But this woman went into it for $25,000. More money than she had. She had to borrow $15k from the bank. Pretty sad. Pretty dumb. How come our government cannot track these thieves down and send them to GITMO for some creative interrogation?
Another news item: The Congo where 4 million people have died in 5 years is asking, how come everyone is falling all over themselves to help save lives in Sri Lanka, but the plight of 4 million dead Africans is met with global apathy. Good question. Anybody got a good answer?
After a holiday haitus, I shall be returning to my contract job next week, finishing-up. I will be available for new assignments soon. Tell your friends, unless you happen to know Megan Connolly.
"My name is Megan Connelly and I am the Recruiting Coordinator for American Express Financial Advisors. I came across your resume on Jobfind.com and I'm very interested to meet with you to discuss the Financial Advisor position. We are currently seeking individuals to work in our Waltham location. This opportunity can be both personally and financially rewarding. It requires initiative, hard work, self-discipline, and an entrepreneurial orientation."
The e-mail went on to say that someone would be calling me yada-yada. I decided to be proactive. I replied:
"Dear Megan,
Thanks for your interest, but I am definitely not looking for anything that involves hard work or self-discipline. My goals are to be overpaid, have lots of naps and excessive vacation. I want a big corner office and a beautiful buxom secretary...And lots of stock options. "
After re-reading my reply, I realized that I should have been more firm about my lack of interest in working in Financial Services, selling shoddy investment advice to unsuspecting victims who have managed to put a few bucks aside. So I added: "If you had read my CV carefully, you would ascertain that my career objectives do not include Bloodsucking weasel."
In a related story: There was a news item a few days ago about an unfortunate woman from Brockton. (I should say "cursed" because she was both dumb and dentally challenged. ) She fell for the scam where someone from a foreign government/bank sends a "confidential" E-mail to you to inform you that you have inherited money from a deceased distant relative. To get the huge payout, all you need to do is send ten thousand US to handle administrative costs. Now, most of us are too smart to fall for this type of fraud. But this woman went into it for $25,000. More money than she had. She had to borrow $15k from the bank. Pretty sad. Pretty dumb. How come our government cannot track these thieves down and send them to GITMO for some creative interrogation?
Another news item: The Congo where 4 million people have died in 5 years is asking, how come everyone is falling all over themselves to help save lives in Sri Lanka, but the plight of 4 million dead Africans is met with global apathy. Good question. Anybody got a good answer?
After a holiday haitus, I shall be returning to my contract job next week, finishing-up. I will be available for new assignments soon. Tell your friends, unless you happen to know Megan Connolly.
1/06/2005
Hard to Ignore
The news is filled with coverage of the disaster in South Asia. The death toll has gone from initial estimates of 10,000 to the current estimate of 140,000 with another 150,000 survivors in imminent danger of death by disease and starvation. The graphics are mind-boggling. The numbers are incomprehensible.
The headlines are filled with politicians elbowing each other to get to a media microphone to show their heartfelt horror and support for the dead, dying and those left to mourn. Partisans are doing everything they can to show that the opponents are cheap bastards or pinko commies, giving your hard earned money away. The most absurd statement was uttered by pea-brained Sean Hannity. "I didn't see the Indonesians rushing to help us after 9/11."
The US Public Relations guys are doing circus contortions to explain the almost daily revisions in the monetary commitment of our government. I find this to be a silly waste of time. The US citizenry may be accused of a lot of faults, but there is no nation in the world that has tried to do more to help others have better lives. It is true that we are usually so wrapped-up in our own selfish concerns that we seem to ignore the world - especially the third world. But when adversity strikes, we are at our best. Generous. Caring. Willing to help.
There was an earthquake in Iran a few months ago. The US was quick to offer aid - and with no expectation of benefit. Many of our critics in the UN and in Hollywood are dishonest not to acknowledge that the Iraq situation was an attempt to bring peace to the region. You may judge iot to be a failed strategy, and bad execution, but the the intent behind our occupation of that country was to give Iraqis a chance at democracy. I do not believe we went there to control the oil, despite what all the Bush haters say. I think the US is still the only country to win a war and not keep the spoils. Your welcome Europe, Japan, Bosnia, Granada, Panama.
Yesterday at lunch, my anti-Bush companion asserted that the Bush administration was big on promises but they still have not made good on monetary pledges of aid to Africa. This sort of nitpicking does not help. Jon Stewart, fake newscaster of the Daily Show showed a clip of Star Jones on The View (ABC) was discussing the near-miss she had experienced. "I was just there last month," she said, referring to her honeymoon visit to one of the posh beach resorts that was destroyed by the Tsunami. "God blesses." she pronounced, apparently referring to the fact that God held back until SHE was home safe, before going ahead and killing hundreds of thousands of people. Jon Stewart wondered how far up your own ass must your head be to make a statement like that.
To those who denigrate the US, just check the news. Oil Rich and Muslim countries Saudi Arabia and Kuwait were initially reported to be ante-ing up a mere $10million to help the victims. Saudi officials announced yesterday that they were adding another $20 mill. This will actually be paid by the US in the form of higher oil prices.
We are the champions of the world. Don't you forget it.
The headlines are filled with politicians elbowing each other to get to a media microphone to show their heartfelt horror and support for the dead, dying and those left to mourn. Partisans are doing everything they can to show that the opponents are cheap bastards or pinko commies, giving your hard earned money away. The most absurd statement was uttered by pea-brained Sean Hannity. "I didn't see the Indonesians rushing to help us after 9/11."
The US Public Relations guys are doing circus contortions to explain the almost daily revisions in the monetary commitment of our government. I find this to be a silly waste of time. The US citizenry may be accused of a lot of faults, but there is no nation in the world that has tried to do more to help others have better lives. It is true that we are usually so wrapped-up in our own selfish concerns that we seem to ignore the world - especially the third world. But when adversity strikes, we are at our best. Generous. Caring. Willing to help.
There was an earthquake in Iran a few months ago. The US was quick to offer aid - and with no expectation of benefit. Many of our critics in the UN and in Hollywood are dishonest not to acknowledge that the Iraq situation was an attempt to bring peace to the region. You may judge iot to be a failed strategy, and bad execution, but the the intent behind our occupation of that country was to give Iraqis a chance at democracy. I do not believe we went there to control the oil, despite what all the Bush haters say. I think the US is still the only country to win a war and not keep the spoils. Your welcome Europe, Japan, Bosnia, Granada, Panama.
Yesterday at lunch, my anti-Bush companion asserted that the Bush administration was big on promises but they still have not made good on monetary pledges of aid to Africa. This sort of nitpicking does not help. Jon Stewart, fake newscaster of the Daily Show showed a clip of Star Jones on The View (ABC) was discussing the near-miss she had experienced. "I was just there last month," she said, referring to her honeymoon visit to one of the posh beach resorts that was destroyed by the Tsunami. "God blesses." she pronounced, apparently referring to the fact that God held back until SHE was home safe, before going ahead and killing hundreds of thousands of people. Jon Stewart wondered how far up your own ass must your head be to make a statement like that.
To those who denigrate the US, just check the news. Oil Rich and Muslim countries Saudi Arabia and Kuwait were initially reported to be ante-ing up a mere $10million to help the victims. Saudi officials announced yesterday that they were adding another $20 mill. This will actually be paid by the US in the form of higher oil prices.
We are the champions of the world. Don't you forget it.
1/02/2005
Out With The Old
I spent the first day of the year 2005 in my traditional fashion - on the sofa, in front of the TV, with a cold beverage in hand. The college bowl games were pretty exciting. Texas - Michigan and Iowa-LSU games were down-to-the-wire nail biters. There is a difference between these games being played by young athletes - who play for love and glory - and those NFL games where the guys who show up are just working for a living. Last Monday, Philly took out their quarterback after three plays, to save him for the playoffs. They lost the game.
The question that comes to mind is: Why bother watching these "meaningless" games? Even the play-by-play announcers were bored. John Madden suggested that since Philly wasn't even trying to win, they should just call the game and let everyone go home.
When was the last time you watched a pre-season or pro-bowl game? Unless you are a hopeless loser with nothing else to do, you only tune in to watch games that mean something. Who wants to waste valuable time watching people who think they are just working? Not me, coach.
So, another year has arrived. I am conflicted by the simultaneous realization that
a) I managed to survive another year and
b) I probably will not win the megamillions lottery in 2005 either.
For some reason, I'm reminded of the comic strip where Dilbert encounters the Angel of Death. Dilbert exclaims "You don't look so grim to me."
The Reaper responds with a grin, "Unlike you, I love my job."
The realization that you are another year closer to the final destination is not morbid. It's just a fact of life. About the time when you pass the fifth decade of existence on this planet, it begins to sink-in that you have definitely passed the halfway mark. I notice that as we get older, my cohorts and I do not greet the new year with the same enthusiasm as we did during our callow youths. Yet, with the magic of psychotropic pharmaceuticals, we are able to look to the future with hope, equanimity and on-demand boners that last up to 36 hours.
In 2004, I continued my search for gainful employment in a job market that seemed chronically un-interested in my career experience. I did land a couple of temporary gigs, but nothing that would provide funding for the lavish lifestyle to which I aspire in my senior years. The good news is I did not attend any meetings. I did not feel the sting of the manager's whip. And I will not see nearly half of my earnings taken for government welfare programs, risky foreign adventure and funding municipal porkbarrel projects.
My wife thinks I should re-invent myself this year. She's been watching too much Dr. Phil, I think. Or maybe she thinks I should get cosmetic surgery. (I'm not sure they have a liposection unit large enough to make my love handles disappear.)
So, let us see what the gods have in store for us this year...a new Hellhole opportunity? A "reinvented" self-actualizer? Megamillions winner?
Who knows?
The question that comes to mind is: Why bother watching these "meaningless" games? Even the play-by-play announcers were bored. John Madden suggested that since Philly wasn't even trying to win, they should just call the game and let everyone go home.
When was the last time you watched a pre-season or pro-bowl game? Unless you are a hopeless loser with nothing else to do, you only tune in to watch games that mean something. Who wants to waste valuable time watching people who think they are just working? Not me, coach.
So, another year has arrived. I am conflicted by the simultaneous realization that
a) I managed to survive another year and
b) I probably will not win the megamillions lottery in 2005 either.
For some reason, I'm reminded of the comic strip where Dilbert encounters the Angel of Death. Dilbert exclaims "You don't look so grim to me."
The Reaper responds with a grin, "Unlike you, I love my job."
The realization that you are another year closer to the final destination is not morbid. It's just a fact of life. About the time when you pass the fifth decade of existence on this planet, it begins to sink-in that you have definitely passed the halfway mark. I notice that as we get older, my cohorts and I do not greet the new year with the same enthusiasm as we did during our callow youths. Yet, with the magic of psychotropic pharmaceuticals, we are able to look to the future with hope, equanimity and on-demand boners that last up to 36 hours.
In 2004, I continued my search for gainful employment in a job market that seemed chronically un-interested in my career experience. I did land a couple of temporary gigs, but nothing that would provide funding for the lavish lifestyle to which I aspire in my senior years. The good news is I did not attend any meetings. I did not feel the sting of the manager's whip. And I will not see nearly half of my earnings taken for government welfare programs, risky foreign adventure and funding municipal porkbarrel projects.
My wife thinks I should re-invent myself this year. She's been watching too much Dr. Phil, I think. Or maybe she thinks I should get cosmetic surgery. (I'm not sure they have a liposection unit large enough to make my love handles disappear.)
So, let us see what the gods have in store for us this year...a new Hellhole opportunity? A "reinvented" self-actualizer? Megamillions winner?
Who knows?
1/01/2005
12/27/2004
Snow Daze
I am tired. This morning I got up early and cranked-up the trusty Sears snowblower for its maiden run of the season. Started on the first pull. I wrangled the 6 inches of blizzard in the driveway and 2 foot snow banks left by plows. Snow work is good work. You get a visual reward when you look back and see how much you have cleared away by dint of your hard labor.
At a desk in an office the mounds of paper never seem to disappear. Stuff is never really done. You get to thinking about cycles. Office Work is tightly linked to cycles. I know guys who get up every morning, and they don't think about the date on the regular calendar, they think about what fiscal week it is. They are the beancounters who toil and sweat and agonize about money that belongs to shareholders - nameless, faceless gamblers whose greed infects the institutions that they have bought a piece of. 21st Century slavers who buy and sell the anonymous workforce like they were just cattle. Hey, I know: it's just business. But it's not about worker satisfaction.
Judy hates to drive in the snow, and I don't mind. So I drove her to work in the Caravan. On the way over to Watertown, I noticed two vehicles spun-out - both big SUVs being operated by people who do not have a firm grasp on physics. I was a C student in High School but I still understand momentum, inertia and gravity enough to stay out of a ditch in slippery weather. (At least when I am sober)
My wife and I have both picked-up some respiratory congestion probably from the grandkids who were sniffling all week during their visit. Or, was it from all the kissing of friends and relatives during the holiday festivities. We'll we all got to share something besides the love I guess. Cough, Cough. Or maybe she got it at work and gave it to me. Staying home sick is not an option at her place of work; they don't believe in being sick. So all the sick people come to work and give it to their coworkers and customers. I dunno.
If I was back working in an office, I'd be home taking a sick day. I don't believe in spreading disease or working on snowy days. If I was feeling ok, and there was no snow to shovel, I'd probably be at my desk, shuffling paper, staring at some PC screen of data base attributes, running queries, thinking about lunch. Maybe I'd be dozing at the director's end-of-fiscal-quarter meeting. Of course, this is the meeting where he reflects on the contributions the IT group has made to the company during the past year. (Funny, he never mentioned my projects.) Mainly he talks about the hardware improvements to the infrastructure, (like any of us non-geeks give a rat's patooty about hardware.) Then, the employee of the quarter would be recognized. Always one of the cute young gals with bodacious boobs. No argument. They do make working in an office more interesting.
But just thinking about the meetings at the old office makes me want to yawn.
At a desk in an office the mounds of paper never seem to disappear. Stuff is never really done. You get to thinking about cycles. Office Work is tightly linked to cycles. I know guys who get up every morning, and they don't think about the date on the regular calendar, they think about what fiscal week it is. They are the beancounters who toil and sweat and agonize about money that belongs to shareholders - nameless, faceless gamblers whose greed infects the institutions that they have bought a piece of. 21st Century slavers who buy and sell the anonymous workforce like they were just cattle. Hey, I know: it's just business. But it's not about worker satisfaction.
Judy hates to drive in the snow, and I don't mind. So I drove her to work in the Caravan. On the way over to Watertown, I noticed two vehicles spun-out - both big SUVs being operated by people who do not have a firm grasp on physics. I was a C student in High School but I still understand momentum, inertia and gravity enough to stay out of a ditch in slippery weather. (At least when I am sober)
My wife and I have both picked-up some respiratory congestion probably from the grandkids who were sniffling all week during their visit. Or, was it from all the kissing of friends and relatives during the holiday festivities. We'll we all got to share something besides the love I guess. Cough, Cough. Or maybe she got it at work and gave it to me. Staying home sick is not an option at her place of work; they don't believe in being sick. So all the sick people come to work and give it to their coworkers and customers. I dunno.
If I was back working in an office, I'd be home taking a sick day. I don't believe in spreading disease or working on snowy days. If I was feeling ok, and there was no snow to shovel, I'd probably be at my desk, shuffling paper, staring at some PC screen of data base attributes, running queries, thinking about lunch. Maybe I'd be dozing at the director's end-of-fiscal-quarter meeting. Of course, this is the meeting where he reflects on the contributions the IT group has made to the company during the past year. (Funny, he never mentioned my projects.) Mainly he talks about the hardware improvements to the infrastructure, (like any of us non-geeks give a rat's patooty about hardware.) Then, the employee of the quarter would be recognized. Always one of the cute young gals with bodacious boobs. No argument. They do make working in an office more interesting.
But just thinking about the meetings at the old office makes me want to yawn.
12/26/2004
The Day After
This morning, we were up at 4am to take the kids to the airport for a 6:00 take off. As I loaded- up the minivan, it was cold and dark toward the east. a bright moon was a the southwestern sky. The ground was dry. Last Monday's snowstorm was followed by an unseasonable thaw - with tropical rains driven by a strong wind. The temps had been in the 50's during that storm or we would probably be looking at a couple of feet of snow like they got in Chicago.
By the time I had the car warmed-up and packed with bags and grandkids, a cloud bank moved in and the sky was dark. Snow flurries could be seen in the headlights as we sped along the black streets. We were virtually alone. A commuter's delight I was thinking, Hey maybe I should get an early morning job. Being out and awake in the early morning is invigorating!
We made it down the pike though the Ted Williams tunnel and into Logan. (We kept a lookout for leaks, but couldn't see any.) I took the arrivals lane instead of the departures at terminal B so we didn't use curbside boarding. Fortunately there were short lines and by the time I got the van parked, Dana was done checking her luggage. The boys were still drowsy and distracted by the bustling crowd. Pretty soon it was time to go through security and board the plane. There was nothing left for us to do so we hugged and kissed them all goodbye and went home.
As I drove back on the pike, I was still noticing that the traffic was very light. At the Brighton Tolls, it finally dawned on me that this was the day after Christmas and a Sunday to boot. A lot of travelers would wait a few more days to get back from whence they came.
We got home and went back to bed.
I figure the Kids should be arriving in San Jose about now. So we are waiting for the call. The flurries have evolved into a fine powdery snow, maybe an inch or so on the ground. I don't think this was forecast. No complaints, compared to the earthquake/tidal wave killing 10,000 people in South East Asia, we feel pretty lucky.
It is quiet in the house. The cats have resumed their normal duties. Sleeping on the sofa, puking on the rug, grazing the cat bowls. They seem a little hungover as a result of the catnip toys that were brought by Santa Claws. (Sorry couldn't resist that.)
I do not have any work planned for this coming week. I shall try to get back on my schedule of doing nothing.
Post script: We got the call around 4:30pm Everyone arrived safeley.
By the time I had the car warmed-up and packed with bags and grandkids, a cloud bank moved in and the sky was dark. Snow flurries could be seen in the headlights as we sped along the black streets. We were virtually alone. A commuter's delight I was thinking, Hey maybe I should get an early morning job. Being out and awake in the early morning is invigorating!
We made it down the pike though the Ted Williams tunnel and into Logan. (We kept a lookout for leaks, but couldn't see any.) I took the arrivals lane instead of the departures at terminal B so we didn't use curbside boarding. Fortunately there were short lines and by the time I got the van parked, Dana was done checking her luggage. The boys were still drowsy and distracted by the bustling crowd. Pretty soon it was time to go through security and board the plane. There was nothing left for us to do so we hugged and kissed them all goodbye and went home.
As I drove back on the pike, I was still noticing that the traffic was very light. At the Brighton Tolls, it finally dawned on me that this was the day after Christmas and a Sunday to boot. A lot of travelers would wait a few more days to get back from whence they came.
We got home and went back to bed.
I figure the Kids should be arriving in San Jose about now. So we are waiting for the call. The flurries have evolved into a fine powdery snow, maybe an inch or so on the ground. I don't think this was forecast. No complaints, compared to the earthquake/tidal wave killing 10,000 people in South East Asia, we feel pretty lucky.
It is quiet in the house. The cats have resumed their normal duties. Sleeping on the sofa, puking on the rug, grazing the cat bowls. They seem a little hungover as a result of the catnip toys that were brought by Santa Claws. (Sorry couldn't resist that.)
I do not have any work planned for this coming week. I shall try to get back on my schedule of doing nothing.
Post script: We got the call around 4:30pm Everyone arrived safeley.
12/24/2004
Twas the morning before Christmas
I was lying snugly in my bed, thinking about stock prices and bacon, which I did not smell sizzling in a pan down in the kitchen. Suddenly, at my door there arose such a clatter that it made the pile of sleeping cats scatter, wondering what was the matter. One hid in the closet, two scampered under the bed.
"Wake-up, wake-up, Grandpa" It was of course Vinny and Tony, screaming with the delight of surprising a slumbering grandpa in his lair. Climbing up on the bed, jumping on body parts that were not designed for such activity. Ok Ok I said I'm getting up. Go tell Nana to make me breakfast! I shouted. Tony went back down the stairs with the message. "Grampa want breakfast, Nana!" he repeated on every step. Vinny stayed and kept tickling me to make sure I stayed awake. Tony came back shortly with an apple.
"Breakfast" he announced.
But when I reached for the apple he held it back saying, "My breakfast." laughing at his joke.
I went downstairs and settled for a toasted bagel with cream cheese.
"Wake-up, wake-up, Grandpa" It was of course Vinny and Tony, screaming with the delight of surprising a slumbering grandpa in his lair. Climbing up on the bed, jumping on body parts that were not designed for such activity. Ok Ok I said I'm getting up. Go tell Nana to make me breakfast! I shouted. Tony went back down the stairs with the message. "Grampa want breakfast, Nana!" he repeated on every step. Vinny stayed and kept tickling me to make sure I stayed awake. Tony came back shortly with an apple.
"Breakfast" he announced.
But when I reached for the apple he held it back saying, "My breakfast." laughing at his joke.
I went downstairs and settled for a toasted bagel with cream cheese.
12/21/2004
IT'S A COLD SICK WORLD OUT THERE
Grandchild update. (Skip this section if you are a Grinch.) The kids arrived in Boston yesterday morning at the ungodly hour of 6:30am. The ground was covered with a light coating of snow as we drove into Logan in the dark. We were just happy that the Northeaster that was threatened by the fear-mongering weatherguy did not materialize. As we waited at the doorway where the throngs of arriving holiday travelers pass through on their way to baggage claim, there were many touching scenes of people being met by people who were glad to see them. This is civilization at it's best, I was thinking: loved ones braving the arduous challenges of modern mass transportation to travel long miles to be with their families. Out of the din and confusion I heard a small but powerful voice yelling "Grandpa, grandpa, grandpa." It was 2 year old Tony, of course.
We all got back to the house as the morning commuters started boarding trains to Boston. Vinny, who is now 4yrs and very much into trains, insisted that we first stop at the Farms station to watch the big diesel engine come in. While we waited, he delighted us with his rendition of "The night before Christmas." As soon as they all got home and unpacked, Vinny started coughing. I'll spare you the details of the rest of the day, but it involved a visit to the local pediatrician, hospital laboratory and pharmacy. Finally, after a long and exhausting day, Vinny (and the rest of us) got a good night's sleep and we are hoping he is better and ready to take the train into Boston today (which he has been talking about for a month!). Tony is cute as a button, yakking and following the cats around the house tirelessly. Cats like to be chased, so it works out fine for all concerned. Tonight, we will put up the Christmas Tree. This should keep them entertained for at least ten minutes. Also, little cousin Dennis will be visiting if the coughing is kept down.
By the way, the 6 degree temperature is unnecessarily frigid. This is an unpleasant reminder to Dana of the reasons they do not live in Massachusetts anymore.
Reasons to Stop reading the News. This morning I read in the news that Aleve - the effective pain reduction pill that I have been popping on a daily basis for the past 3 or 4 years - is suspected of elevating the risk of heart disease and stroke. This is just another in a continuing series of recent reports that the pills we take to make us feel better are actually killing us.
If you tune in to the nightly news reports at 6:30pm, you are assailed by every pharmaceutical company with TV advertising budget. They've got a nostrum for every ailment and a pill for every discomfort. Purple pills to heal your acid etched esophagus, blue pills to put the wood back in your willy, gunk to hold your dentures in, and shots you can take to raise your white blood cell count enough so you can keep taking your chemotherapy ( a diabolical medicinal approach where you take poisons that hopefully kill the cancer before the poison kills you. )
Some of the ads don't even tell you what the product does. But then they recite a list of the side effects, all of which are nasty. Ask your doctor, they say. Maybe I should change my HMO. I ask the doctors and they say "No, it's not for nagging rectal itch. We still don't have a cure for that."
All I know is this: The nicest luxury yacht in Hyannis Harbor is owned by the Eli Lilly pharmaceutical family. Another unpleasant side effect of taking drugs is the obscene profits accruing to the big drug companies.
More signs of seasonal sickness: Here is what looks like a hoax news item:
"Search resumes for 5 missing fishermen "
Now, why aren't they out there looking for the missing guys instead of checking out their Curricula Vitae ??
We all got back to the house as the morning commuters started boarding trains to Boston. Vinny, who is now 4yrs and very much into trains, insisted that we first stop at the Farms station to watch the big diesel engine come in. While we waited, he delighted us with his rendition of "The night before Christmas." As soon as they all got home and unpacked, Vinny started coughing. I'll spare you the details of the rest of the day, but it involved a visit to the local pediatrician, hospital laboratory and pharmacy. Finally, after a long and exhausting day, Vinny (and the rest of us) got a good night's sleep and we are hoping he is better and ready to take the train into Boston today (which he has been talking about for a month!). Tony is cute as a button, yakking and following the cats around the house tirelessly. Cats like to be chased, so it works out fine for all concerned. Tonight, we will put up the Christmas Tree. This should keep them entertained for at least ten minutes. Also, little cousin Dennis will be visiting if the coughing is kept down.
By the way, the 6 degree temperature is unnecessarily frigid. This is an unpleasant reminder to Dana of the reasons they do not live in Massachusetts anymore.
Reasons to Stop reading the News. This morning I read in the news that Aleve - the effective pain reduction pill that I have been popping on a daily basis for the past 3 or 4 years - is suspected of elevating the risk of heart disease and stroke. This is just another in a continuing series of recent reports that the pills we take to make us feel better are actually killing us.
If you tune in to the nightly news reports at 6:30pm, you are assailed by every pharmaceutical company with TV advertising budget. They've got a nostrum for every ailment and a pill for every discomfort. Purple pills to heal your acid etched esophagus, blue pills to put the wood back in your willy, gunk to hold your dentures in, and shots you can take to raise your white blood cell count enough so you can keep taking your chemotherapy ( a diabolical medicinal approach where you take poisons that hopefully kill the cancer before the poison kills you. )
Some of the ads don't even tell you what the product does. But then they recite a list of the side effects, all of which are nasty. Ask your doctor, they say. Maybe I should change my HMO. I ask the doctors and they say "No, it's not for nagging rectal itch. We still don't have a cure for that."
All I know is this: The nicest luxury yacht in Hyannis Harbor is owned by the Eli Lilly pharmaceutical family. Another unpleasant side effect of taking drugs is the obscene profits accruing to the big drug companies.
More signs of seasonal sickness: Here is what looks like a hoax news item:
"Search resumes for 5 missing fishermen "
Now, why aren't they out there looking for the missing guys instead of checking out their Curricula Vitae ??
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