RIP Steve Jobs

Death Does not carry a Smartphone

They called him “A genius;

Cut-down before his time,”

(As if one could remonstrate to Death’s

beckoning, “Not now, it isn’t my time!”)

Perhaps it was karma:        

A final disconnection,

Just retribution for the ruination

Of human conversation.

But no one at the table

Was listening, instead

Squinting into their iPhones

Reading tiny text messages

About nothing.

New Toy

Lake Cochituate

So the other day I took my newly acquired  kayak for a paddle on Lake Cochituate.  It's a few years old (2009), but new to me.  I saw it listed on a Craigslist ad.  It was the model and size I had decided on - an Old Town Dirigo Angler, 12 ft.  And at $500 it was the cheapest of the used ones I had seen over a few weeks of research.  A new one costs  around $800 on sale.  The paddle, worth an added  $60-90 was included.

Everyone warned me about meeting a stranger with cash in my pocket, probably still thinking about the guy who used Craigslist to meet his victims then robbed and even killed one of them.   Fortunately, this guy was just a guy who just wanted to sell his kayak.  I guess sometimes things are what they seem to be.

I used tie-downs to hold the kayak on the top of the van for the forty mile ride home. The were no mishaps en route. 

I started checking out the kayak sections of the local sporting goods stores and quickly realized that I was not ready to go boating.  I needed accessories.  Mandatory was a PFD or as we landlubbers call them life vests - the new tech term is personal flotation device.  I suppose they changed the name so you can't sue them if you drown wearing one.  Also I needed a bilge pump to get water out of the cockpit, and a dolly to help transport the kayak from car to water's edge.  Sometimes this can be quite a distance. If you have to carry or drag the thing (weighs around 50 pounds) you would be exhausted before you even get it in the water.  More accessories are needed:  A rooftop kayak carrier, drybags to keep stuff in, a paddle leash - a cord that you attach to your paddle and your vest to keep the paddle from running off. Eventually I would need to get a spray skirt  - to keep water out of the cockpit in rough water (I have no intentions of trying to paddle in anything but calm waters for the foreseeable future).

One Saturday morning a few weeks ago, the weather was perfect for a test run.  80 degrees, no wind.   My wife insisted on accompanying me on the maiden voyage.  I guess she wanted to evaluate my "floatability".  It was good that she came, since I did not have the dolly yet.  I figured I could use the help carrying the kayak the 50 yards from the parking lot to the launch area.  She also brought the camera, to record the event for posterity.  I removed the seats from the Caravan and loaded the boat.  About two feet stuck out the back, so I just used bungee cords to hold everything firmly with the hatch partially open.  It is only 10 minutes to the lake on back roads, so this was an acceptable way to transport the kayak.

The thing about a kayak is that it sits low in the water, unlike a canoe where the paddler is sitting on a raised bench.  The flexibility required for graceful entry and exit of  a kayak is found only in the fit and thin, neither of which am I.  Thus, the description of my getting-in and -out of the kayak will be skipped out of respect for my self esteem.  Suffice it to say that I got wet. 

But once out on the water, I was quite happy with my new boat.  I paddled around for nearly an hour before the muscles began to complain. 

This shot was taken of me returning to shore.  I would not let my wife take pictures during the "exiting the kayak" maneuver, but if she'd had a  video recorder, the ensuing action would have made it to America's Funniest Videos.

IIWII

One of the koans that has entered American parlance recently is the phrase:  "It is what it is."
People generally say this when they have run out of ideas.  They really mean, "I have no further information that would be helpful."   They shrug and give you a look of grudging acceptance and utter the meaningless phrase, "It is what it is."

I find it annoying.  Lately, I have found it entertaining to counter "No it isn't!"

End of Summer on the Cape

The day after Irene, we drove to East Sandwich on Cape Cod.  We were overnight guests at a beachfront cottage.  A week earlier, the person who had rented the place and had prepaid the $2000 weekly rate,  fell off a ladder, broke his leg and was unable to use it.  He offered it to my daughter who in turn invited us to stay for a night.  Hey, a free night at the Cape, why not.

I was anticipating a roiling ocean from the Hurricane/tropical storm that just passed over us on Sunday, and was mildly disappointed to encounter a relatively flat sea, with small unintimidating waves.

Beachfront Cottage on Dunes

My first impressions upon seeing the cottage was:

Rustic. 

If you have ever rented a place on the Cape, there is a common aspect to most rentals: the furniture is uniformly uncomfortable. 
Anyone who owns a place at the Cape, it seems,  sends all the family's unwanted, old, broken, stained, ratty looking -  chairs, sofas, beds and bookcases to the Cape place.  They don't want to have "nice" things that the renters might cause harm to, so they opt for the "quaint" look.  They call them antiques but I call them old, rickety and ratty. 
This place was no exception.  The kitchen was last updated about the time when electricity was invented.    The bathroom had three doors, which you had to lock to keep others from walking in on you.  Then you had to remember to unlock all of them or someone would yell at you.  It boasted three very small "bedrooms" with lumpy twin sized beds. None of the beds was acceptable unless you like sleeping on 30 year old mattresses and the bedspreads looked like havens for bedbugs and sand fleas.  I started scratching just looking at them.  They proved to be as uncomfortable as they looked, and I had the stiff back to prove it in the morning. 

The good part was the beach and the views.  The beach in East Sandwich is long and straight - what I call a good "walking beach" - which you don't usually find on the upper Cape.  The fine white sands were piled up into dunes so you had to walk down a steep path to get to the beach (and back up also).  According to some of the local inhabitants the beach which was fairly rocky near the waterline had been stripped of about two feet of sand by the storm and there was a fair amount of seaweed debris in the water.  Still, the refreshing wind was blowing gently and across the bay you could see a landmass, probably Provincetown.

At night the sky was clear and full of stars.  Looking down the beach there were groups of people who had started bonfires and who were probably roasting S'mores.  Periodically someone would shoot off a roman candle or bottle rocket.  Celebrating one of the last weekends of summer, no doubt.

We went for dinner at a place called Hemisphere.  It had a nice view of the canal and Cape Cod Bay.  Probably a good place to go for a drink on the deck.  My Cape Cod Red Ale was tasty.  But the service was slow - despite the fact that it was an not crowded -- and the food was not great.  My Swordfish was so dry I needed a knife to cut it (instead of a fork), the fried clams were overcooked, greasy and tasteless.  The only thing we all liked: fried onion strings.  I won't be going back there.  My advice: you shouldn't either.
The next day we had a delightful lunch at a place called Cafe Chew on 6A.  Huge freshly made sandwiches are generous enough to be split for adults and they have a kids menu. Highly recommended.  Note: they serve breakfast until 11:30 then lunch until 3pm. Not open for dinner.

 We were amazed that anyone would spend $2,000 to rent an uncomfortable, small, long-in-the-tooth shack for a week just because it is right on the beach. (And, it would be unseemly to make rude comments about it on one's blog, having spent a free night there.) 
But, we ended-up having a nice time.  Coctails helped.

Weather Fearcasts

Ok, Ok, I get it.  There is a big storm coming our way.  Hurricane Irene.  Perhaps the mother of all storms, landing thud right on my vegetable garden just when I've managed to pick a few decent home grown tomatoes. 
What's that you say? It hasn't even hit the US mainland yet.   It could fizzle.  Nice try, Mr Calm.  Take your skepticism down the hall.  This time the sky IS falling!...this time it's gonna be a trillion dollar disaster!  The New York City subways and Tunnels will be flooded because of an 8 foot tidal surge.  Boston will be inundated with 5 or 10 inches of rain.  Your basement will have at least 7 inches of water just like March of 2010.  This will be the second "hundred-year" event in three years!

The forecasters and news readers have become gleeful fearmongers.  They are running out of scary scenarios. In panic, property owners are rushing to batten-down hatches, or pulling  their boats from the water, and vacationers are checking-out early so they will not be stuck when the big winds begin to blow.   The supermarkets are doing a brisk business selling drinking water and batteries.  Liquor stores are selling out of scotch and gin.  People are scared.  For once in my life, I do not feel envy for people with beachfront property and a nice cabin cruiser tied -up at the marina.

It's been a classic Man vs Nature month so far.  A Richter 5.9 earthquake hit Virginia last week, and the tremors were apparently felt by some locals here in Boston metro west.  Obviously not folks like us who live within a few blocks of the RR tracks.  We get  the equivalent of  5.9 temblors every time a freight train goes by -- and often accompanied by a piercing blast from their high decibel horns as a lagniappe. 

President Obama has been vacationing on Martha's Vineyard, and was playing golf when the ground shook. Reportedly, he blamed the quake for a missed putt.

I have been fighting my own personal war against nature, in my losing effort to harvest ripe tomatoes.  My foes, the chipmunks and squirrels have been winning, despite heavy losses ( at least 12 casualties verified) on their side, thanks to my knuckle-breaker rat traps.  I bait them with pieces of tomato so the only rodents I have slain were tomato eaters.  The squirrels have been repelled by shiny CD's hung on fishing line.  They catch the light and turn in the slightest breeze, which spooks the squirrels, and i have not seen one near the vines.     In recent weeks, the traps have begun to loosen the chipmunks' stronghold on my garden. I have managed to pick a few ripe ones -- and our salads are to die for.  I have offered amnesty to all non tomato eating chipmunks.  Victory will soon be ours!  (That is, unless Irene wrecks everything.)

Stay tuned.

UPDATE:  Aug 28th
Irene where is thy sting?
Looks like I am not the only one to think the hype was overdone 
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/08/28/hurricane-irene-hype-how-the-media-went-overboard.html

Verizon is Not Totally Dysfunctional

I acknowledge that most most of my previous posts about Verizon have been to complain. In the interests of fairness I need to mention that there is one thing Verizon does that is pretty good.  If you need to upgrade your FIOS set top box, they are amazing.  A few months ago, we decided to upgrade our hi-def box to a DVR.  I went online, and despite their clunky website, I was able to order a DVR box.  They said it might take two weeks for the new unit to arrive.

Installs like butter

Surprise, it came two days later.  I followed the simple instructions to hook it up and voila it worked! It took less than ten minutes. Smooth, like butter!  The old unit goes into the same shipping box for return.  They give you a return shipping label.  You take it down to the UPS store, ans as you place the box on the counter you wonder if it is going to be  hassle, but the guy says "Ok you're done. I do a hundred of these a week. Have a nice day."

Kudos to the person(s) who designed that process.    The DVR works very well too, especially now that we can fast-forward through all the comercials.  Now, we can record a half hour show and watch it later in 15 minutes.  I like that.  The DVR interface is a bit clunky, but like using your GPS or Cell Phone messaging,  you eventually get the hang of it.

Last week I replaced the 15 year old GE 25" TV with a new Panasonic 32" flat screen.  (Costco, $319 tax free).  It was time to replace the old Low-Def set top box.  I went online, muddled my way through their clunky interface, and finally managed to order the upgrade.  Two days later the new box arrived.  This time the set-up took twenty minutes because I had to use what they call manual activation, meaning I entered a code that they had sent me and then  waited twenty minutes while the main office programmed the box remotely.  No hassle on my part.  Today I will take the old box back to the UPS store.  Mission Accomplished!

So there you have it.  Verizon is not Totally dysfunctional after all.  So never let it be said that I am not fair and balanced, (even though I think their website is clunky :-)

Unpopular Verdicts: Bad Juries or Bad Evidence?

Normally, the news story that captures our attention is the case of the innocent defendent who was wrongly convicted of crimes because of bad evidence or mistaken identity.  After umpteen years behind bars the condemned prisoner is set free, after new evidence is uncovered that controverts the trial evidence.  This has become commonplace thanks to advancements  in DNA analysis.   We try not to think about these cases when we trumpet the superiority of the American Justice System. 

Lately, there seems to be a common thread in recent high-profile cases where the acquittal verdict was egregiously wrong in the opinion of many armchair analysts and talk show bloviators.  The acquittal of Casey Anthony after her recent trial created a furor that has not been seen since the OJ Simpson murder trial in 1995.  Anthony, who has gone into hiding because of death threats, has been called "the most hated woman in America" since everyone thinks she got away with the murder of her daughter, Caylee.

If you followed the trial, you probably came to the same conclusion the rest of us did: Guilty!  The evidence was clear: The mother of the missing child never reported the child missing, and in fact was having a high old time, getting tattoos, competing in wet tee shirt contests, and generally acting with callous disregard for the fact that her baby was gone.  This was enough to convict her in the court of general opinion. But the verdict was Not Guilty on all counts.  Not reporting a missing child does not happen to be against the law.

In Boston last week another locally infamous case ended badly.  The defendant was Albert Arroyo, a former fireman who had claimed disability exemption from his job as fire inspector (not a physically demanding job) because of back pain due to an alleged on-the-job injury.  This same guy was simultaneously working-out with weights on a daily basis and was even competing in body-building contests.  The Boston Globe broke the story last year and published pictures of a distinctly well-muscled guy posing for photos. Clearly a case of fraud.  He lawyered-up. The fire department fired him when he refused to come back to work.  Then the feds decided to charge him with mail fraud.  

When the jury came back with a shocking acquittal, everyone was outraged.  How could these dumb jurors not see that he was as guilty as the nose on your face, they shouted.  Local Radio talk show bloviators dragged-out the old cases and questioned whether our system of justice works  when jurors did not have a clue. 

But when you consider the facts of the case, the real problem was that the jurors took their instructions seriously.  They matched the evidence against the charges and found that the proof was lacking.
This did not mean that they thought Casey Anthony or Arroyo were innocent.  In both cases, several of the jurors who were interviewed later said that they thought the defendant was guilty of a crime, but the prosecutors did not prove that the defendant was guilty of the specific charges.  They didn't prove mail fraud, which was the charge in the Arroyo case.  They couldn't prove murder in the Casey Anthony trial.

This doesn't indict the jury system, nor does it point to bad juries.  I think it points to flawed work by the  prosecution lawyers and investigators. In their haste to get favorable publicity, perhaps prosecutors rush to trial without a convincing case.  I don't really know the answer, but the point is that we, the public, should withhold our judgement in cases like this and not "punish the messenger" for an unpopular verdict. 

Verizon vs Customers

The thing you need to know about Verizon is that it is not a big company, rather a bunch of smaller quasi-integrated companies.  I say quasi-integrated because they do not seem to talk to each other.  It is almost like a governmental agency in that it is difficult to communicate with and often dysfunctional.  Verizon's three main arms Phone, Internet and TV pretend to be a single company, but any time you need to do something you bump into the reality that they are islands with very flimsy bridges between them.  The website is maddeningly slow and unintuitive.  Go ahead and try to get your cellphone pictures downoaded to your PC -- you will see what I mean. 

Hmm, you say, A communications company that does not know how to communicate with its customers?  How can this be?  As an analogy, just think of the federal/state government.  They are always talking about "what the people want,"  but in fact the pols and their minions  that work in those organizations have little concern for their constuituents except during an election year.  They see the continuence their office as the raison d'etre of their activities, at the expense of ethical concerns for public needs.  This is how companies behave when they have a virtual captive market. 

I am not taking sides in the current labor dispute between the union and the company's management.  I hate both sides.  I hate the management because they have the clunkiest, least customer-friendly internet presence of any company I have the misfortune to deal with.  If you call them for help there are no human beings in any process that takes less than 30 minutes.  If you stay on the line and work your way through a bewildering array of autmated attendant menues you can finally talk to a person.  Who has the time or patience for that!
Why can't they get some decent web designers in to fix their unusable 1990's designed web pages?

I hate the union too, because they are willing to throw the innocent customers like you and me under the bus because they cannot settle the contract with management.  They are willing  to hold you and me  hostage to their demands for heavily subsidized health care, job protection for incompetent union members, and other benefits.  Why should we -- who pay our own health care costs and have no benefits - be sympathetic with a bunch of pampered union members, looking for more free stuff? 

Strike?  If I were Emperor, I would just find some people who wanted those jobs at the current wages and benefits.  I think there are a lot of them.

So a pox on all of them. 

That Old Cape Magic

We are winding-down a nice week on the Cape.  We've had company most of the time, but have had plenty of time to relax, read, fish,eat,drink and swim.  The rental house is on Crooked Pond in Falmouth.  The pond is too small for motor craft, but nice for swimming and there are good sized fish lurking on the shadows at dusk.

We were not worrying about the debt crisis or the wars.  We mainly worried about the next meal and whether there was enough beer in the fridge.  We did not worry about the cats.  Our cat feeder is a professional. 

My 6 year old grandson landed his first fish, a 14 inch bass, and was pretty excited about it. Actually, we were all pretty excited about it.  We all hooked fish, but there were some monsters that got away, honest. 


Today is a typical cloudy day at the Cape - hazy, warm,muggy.  We had clam chowder for lunch at the Silver Lounge on rt 28A.




 

No complaints though, there is something kinda magical about being here.

In Response to Fan's Requests

I recently received a suggestion from a loyal fan that I should re-name the blog, since I am no longer obsessed with making rude (but pithy) comments about companies where I have worked, clueless managers, backbiting co-workers and incompetent subordinates. Not to mention bad software and evil marketers. 

Trying out a new title - keeping same URL - how do you like it?

leave a comment

Bumps in the Vocabulary

Now my regular fans know well that I am not a word snob.  I'm pretty laissez faire about the evolution of language, generally.  I think the most useful grammatical rules of English should be followed, at least in printed form. Most people use the correct tense of the verb, and we usually align the proper pronoun with the singular or plural form.  I'm not nitpicky about ending a sentence with a preposition,  or when it is proper to use whom.

In the library the other day a I saw a sign on a carts of books, "Everything on this cart 50 cents."  I was tempted to take everything on the cart and plunk down my half a buck , but I didn't want anything and I value my time too much to do it just to make a point, so I just scrawled the word "each" at the end of the sign. And perhaps un-necessarily replaced "Everything" with "Anything."

One sticky area is the increasing use of "they" instead of "his" or "her" as in: if anyone wants to join the club they should send in their application right away.  
This is much less awkward that the correct grammatical usage and therefor I approve.

One rather jarring term used in popular media is "Baby Bump" to describe the abdomen of a pregnant celebrity.  This just sounds wrong, crude and if I may be judgmental ignorant.  I would rather use the ancient terms to describe pregnancy than to read and hear about baby mamas and baby bumps.

Another really annoying trend is the proliferation of the word Grab.  Twice recently, I found the word grating on my ears.  Once when the waitress asked if she could grab somethings.  Can I grab you something to drink?  No, just go and get us a coupla martini's honey. Or,  maybe why don't you just grab this!

Perhaps this annoyance like so many other catch phrases was started by the slogan "Grab some Buds."
Which is mainly offensive in the suggestion that one would drink such insipid beer, but also suggests that one should get fist fulls of Buds and get sloshed.  Lord knows where the grabbing could lead...some one could end up with a bump in the oven.  Just sayin'

The Problem With Online Product Reviews

I got this rejection trying to post my review on the Lowes website:

"Your opinion on 24-1/2" Cognac Weston Bath Vanity with Top is important to us and the Lowes.com community.  Unfortunately, we cannot post your review because it contains one or more of the following types of unsuitable content:


Critical comments not related to the product being reviewed
Obscenities, discriminatory language or other language not suitable for a public forum
Advertisements, spam content or references to other products, promotions or competitor websites
Email addresses, URLs, phone numbers, physical addresses or other forms of contact information
We encourage you to resubmit your review after reading through our guidelines. Thank you for being an active member of the Lowes.com community.
Sincerely,


The Lowes.com Team"

My Rejected comments:
When the plumbers opened the carton, the bottom section of the vanity literally fell apart on the lawn. The cheap staples that had been used to fasten the sides and back had become loose during shipping and the fall-apart-icle boards lay in a jumble in the grass.

The plumbers had already attached the faucet to the vanity top, and it would have meant yet another delay and install appointment, so I decided not to return it. Using wood support blocks and real nails they managed to reconstruct the vanity so it would be useful.

The box says "assembled in the USA" If that is true, we should be ashamed. It is no wonder then that the 3rd world is kicking our butts for quality manufacturing.
I am appalled that Lowe's would offer a product of such flimsy and poor construction at any price.
Needless to say, I will be shopping elsewhere for fixtures for my downstairs bathroom project.


So much for trusting online product reviews.  They will not publish THE TRUTH!

Upstairs Bathroom Project

We decided that the bathrooms needed upating.  Since we cherish peace and quiet and are constrained by a very modest fixed income, we are not in the mood for a noisy expensive renovation, involving hammers and chisels, dust, banging and sawing, plus weeks of not having working facilities.  So, we have elected to do a minimalist project.

The old large wall mirror and an ugly medicine cabinet were removed with the aid of my friend,  DMc, who also  installed new drywall and plastered the hole like a pro.  I spent the remainder of last week scraping and patching, sanding  the walls and ceiling, and painting.  The part that DMc did looks smooth and straight, the sections that I did still look like a painted over moonscape. 

New floor tile will be laid over old tile, and the wall tile will be painted by what they call electrostatic method.
Makes old wall tile look like new, according to the brochure. 

9:10am  Project has started off well.  Plumber came on time. He is removing the old toilet and vanity from upstairs.  These will be replaced by new fixtures next week.  Since the new tile is going over old tile he needs to raise the flange by 1/2" (whatever that means).  

9:25am  Tile guy, Paul,  arrives.  Starts setting-up his saw and stuff. 

10:10am  Plumber leaves.  He promises to come back next week July 5th to install new fixtures.  Time to go to Lowe's and get the new toilet.

The Reason To Care When Sleazy Pols' Private Lives Become Public

WASHINGTON -- Andrew Breitbart says he is "not a fan" of Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) for the same reason he doesn't like ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner: Both led sleazy secret lives that could have compromised the public trust.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/20/andrew-breitbart-david-vitter-weiner_n_880868.html

I think Mr.Breitbart has made an excellent point; he condemns political sleaziness by any public figure regardless of party affiliation because it opens the figure to the risk of blackmail. 

 Conservatives who call themselves patriots, despite personally being draft dodgers and tax evaders, hypocritically condemn only the liberals when they get caught.

Likewise, those who (like me) gave liberals like Clinton and Frank a pass for their dalliences, were wrong.   These could have developed into dangerous or harmful  blackmail situations, compromising the security and trust of the people.

"We Got Him"

I'm glad that they finally caught Whitey Bulger.  Now, maybe I can go out on the beach wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap without being followed by FBI agents or AMW viewers looking for the reward.

I kinda think it would have saved the taxpayers some money if they had just sent in the Navy Seals to capture, kill and bury him at sea.  Also there would have been some sense of justice to know that he sleeps with the fishes.

On Second Thought

Update: 

 I just had a visit from the good daughter -- the one that did not move 2000 miles away with 2 of our grandkids. 

She brought me a fathers day gift of a bottle of 12 year old Maccallan single malt scotch. 
Perhaps I was wrong about the no gift policy. 

Fathers Day Thoughts

Research shows that 90% of all fathers were not thinking about children at the time of conception.
This is a salient fact to remember when your sullen adolescent whines about how awful life is, "I didn't ask to be born."

The perfect squelch, "Hey, I know what you mean, I didn't want kids either, to tell you the truth, I was just there for the sex." 


I am not a big fan of Hallmark Holidays.  I don't want gifts and cute cards.  Justy be nice to me all year round. 

Shocking Headlines but no News.

The juicy topic on all the talk shows these days is Andrew Weiner's weiner.  It permeates every discussion at the bar, in line at Starbucks, and, probably, church suppers as well.  (Some think it is an Obama  conspiracy to get the public's mind off of the awful economic outlook.)    Comedians are having a field day. 

Last week, it was the big shot International Monetary Fund guy,  Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who had his political career wrecked because a hotel maid has accused him of of sexual assault.  A while back it was Eliot Spitzer's horniness that became newspaper fodder. 

The list of powerful men who seem to be thinking with the wrong head is long and tedious. This does not seem to happen when women are in powerful roles, or perhaps they are just more circumspect.

People seem to be shocked and offended that a high profile politician would be so idiotic as to let his sexual escapades become so public. 

 But I have to ask, "Is this really News?"

The other question is: Who is next?

D-Day Thoughts

 A few years ago, as part of our trip to France, we visited Normandy, where the allies landed 150,000 troops on this day in 1944.   9,000 Americans were slaughtered or wounded on the beaches by the entrenched Germans.  But this hard fought victory was the beginning of  the liberation of Western Europe from German occupying forces.

Standing at the cemetery where so many men were buried under stone white crosses (or stars of David), it was one of those "Holy Cow" moments when you suddenly realize the enormity of the casualties and the sacrifice of so many brave young men.

In 2007, the area around the bunkers up on the cliffs was open to tourists.  Walking around, I was amazed at the elaborate fortifications that have survived.  When I asked one of the guides how the Germans had been able to construct such defenses, he reminded me that they had been an occupying force for over four years by June 6, 1944.

Despite my exposure to history classes in school and subsequent reading about the war, I had forgotten that the French had been hopelessly outgunned at the beginning of the conflict and had conceded defeat after only a few weeks of battle in 1940.

I have tried to imagine how I and my fellow citizens would have reacted to an occupying force.  Would we have capitulated in fear to the conquerors or would we take to the hills and forests like the Resistance?
=====================
I am also reminded of the line in the movie, when Tom Hanks exhorts Private Ryan (Mat Damon)  to
"Earn This!" -- to live a life that would be worthy of the sacrifice that so many men gave their lives for.

By their deeds we must measure our own lives.

3rd of June

Funny, I woke up today with this song running through my head


No, peeps, Billy Joel did not jump off the Tappan Zee Bridge.  Please pay attention!

If you consider the lyrics of the song, you are forced to conclude that the mother was the most clueless human being who ever walked the planet. "Child what's happened to your appetite?"

Signs

More signs that the world keeps spinning off kilter:

1.  In Toronto, a couple refuses to reveal the gender of their 4 month old baby.  They feel that such info is "private" until such time as the child is old enough to declare their own gender preference. 
The baby, named "Storm" and referred to by the pronoun "it," did not return our calls.

2. Cognitive dissonance.  The recent rampage of killer storms in places like Oklahoma, Missouri, and Kansas has created terrible destruction, death and injury.  It is always galling when one of the survivors attributes their personal escape from death to "God's grace."   If God was involved at all, didn't he kill a lot of people and animals?  Where was the blessing in that?

3.  When the promised May 21st Rapture did not happen, Harold Camping the nutjob who predicted Armageddon, and who apparently had NOT sold off all his earthly assets, calmly revised the forecast to October 21.  Some people will still believe him, despite every evidence that his reading of the Bible's prophecies is seems flawed.

4.  Coors beer thinks that their customers are so dumb that they need a "cold activation indicator" on the cans and labels of their brew.  Clearly the problem of the ages was that beer guzzlers could not tell when the beer was cold enough to drink.  Perplexed beer hounds roamed the streets of Colorado like zombies chanting "Is my beer cold yet?"

The initial cold indicator has now been supplemented with a Super Cold activation level, which will only turn blue when the can has been in a refrigerator or ice chest.  Whew.  Glad they solved that one!

Pomp and Circumstance

I grew up in Watertown, MA and  I write a somewhat weekly column for the local Patch.com called Hometown Connections. 

One of the recent Patch news stories caught my attention: Watertown High School's graduation will be held On June 3,in the gymnasium this year because Victory Field is not available due to the renovation project.

The story  brought back memories of my own high school graduation at Victory field in 1960.

Folding chairs for the graduates were set-out on the football field, facing the temporary stage/podium. Parents and family members sat in the football stands. It was one of those warm June days. The sun was still high in the clear western sky. The air of excitement and anticipation was like an electric current running through the 360 graduates.......

Read more,  click here:   http://watertown.patch.com/articles/graduation-flashback




image ©2007 Academic Church and Choir Gown Mfg. Co., Inc



Signs of Madness III

 One enterprising pagan appeals to gullible guilt-ridden Christians who can't take their pets with them when the next Rapture comes.  See the ad http://www.aftertherapturepetcare.com/

More Signs of Madness

I happen to think Sarah Silverman is funny, but I must protest the judgement of FOX to invite her to the announcer's booth.  I was watching the game when Buck and the other guy forgot about the game and let her lamely complain that the Red Sox won too many games.  She preferred them when they were losers.  It was inane and inappropriate.  I found myself wishing Dennis Eckersley -who is awful - was there instead, talking about cheese.
If you missed it, click here:  "Sarah Silverman popped into the Fox booth to chat with Joe Buck during the 4th inning of Saturday night's Red Sox vs. Yankees game, and it quickly got weird"

Signs That The World Has Gone Mad

1. Judiciary Republicans kill bill blocking gun sales to suspected terrorists.  Check this out http://thehill.com/homenews/house/161037-judiciary-republicans-kill-bill-blocking-gun-sales-to-suspected-terrorists  - Reps. James Sensenbrenner Jr. (Wis.) and Louie Gohmert (Texas) — argued that restricting [handgun] sales to people on the FBI Terrorist watch list would violate the Second Amendment rights of those placed on the list by mistake.


2. Ashton Kutcher to replace Charley Sheen on 2.5 Men.  Why would anyone watch Ashton Kutcher?
Dude Where's my barfbag?

3.Mitt Romney hates Obamacare but still defends Romneycare.

4. Newt Gingrich, Donald Trump, Ron Paul.  Ha ha hah ah ha

5.  NATO support for rebels in Lybia.  WTF does NATO stand for?  (If you guessed "selectively helping some rebels overcome a regime we don't like" you are incorrect.)


Shall I go on?

Navy Seals We Salute You

Yes we salute the good guys who ended Osama's reign with a double tap.  Now he sleeps with the fishes.
One could only have wished that they could have vidotaped him in a suicide vest to see how he liked it when some one hit the button.

Word has it that there was a typo and I hope he is happy with 72 vegans.

If I Were Emperor

I know that I promised to avoid talking  politics here, and to leave the opinionating to more bombastic blatherers, like my friend George ... But lately, the news has been so crazy that I cannot sit idely quiet on the sidelines anymore. 
The country is surely going down the tubes when one conceivable scenario for 2012 election  pits the incumbent mediocre-at-best President against a shallow self-promoting real estate billionaire who has never won an elective office. I think we need an alternative.  Which is why I am running to be elected as Your Emperor.

Under my regime:

No Air Traffic Controllers would fall asleep. Anyone caught asleep would be terminated immediately and charged with attempted murder.  Their Immediate supervisor would also be terminated, and that person's manager would be required to prove that they had done everything in their power to avoid fatigue among workers.


Piracy on the seas would be stopped.  Troops would be removed from Iraq and sent to occupy Somalia. They would capture and kill suspected pirates, free hostages and sink all watercraft associated with piracy.  Pirate leaders would be beheaded and buried with the carcass of a pig.

Healthcare would be simple.  All current laws will be abolished and the federal role in healthcare would be reduced to 15 pages of  12 point double spaced text.  

All Government benefits would be means tested.  Medicare, social security, free cheese. 

All prisons would be "hard time."  No TV, no Gym, no visitors, no access to phone or computer, no cigarettes, nothing but hard work, isolation, regret for one's crimes. Parole would be abolished.  Government officials found guilty of corruption would get double sentences. Sentences could only be commuted by public referrendum held in the relevant community.

Illegal immigration will be stopped. Every citizen will be required to carry a photo ID card, which must be presented every time they vote, cash a check, go to a doctor, use a pay toilet, enter a casino, etc.   Every citizen in the country will be fingerprinted and dna sample taken when their ID card is issued. 

Current federal tax code would be abolished and replaced with a no-loopholes 15% flat tax on all wages, dividends, gains, or other form of income.  Exception: Government benefits would not be taxed, because that is just plain silly.

All subsidies would be abolished.  Any industry that cannot fund itself, has no business being in business.

99% of troops deployed to Europe. Asia, Middle East and worldwide will be withdrawn in an orderly manner.  Former military bases and equipment will be sold to the host countries.  Troops will be redeployed to restore control of our inner cities, eliminate illegal gang and mob activities.  Also, troops will be deployed at critical borders and seaports to quell attempts to smuggle drugs or people or to create havoc among us. 

99% of  all foreign aid will be withdrawn over a 3 year period.  Immediately no US aid would be spent on military hardware.

This would just be for starters. 
I am not like those other politicians.  Elect me Emperor and I will fix everything. 
Honestly.

Birther Blowhard Barge Sinks. No Survivors.

Barack Obama has just launched a giant torpedo of truth that blows a huge hole below the waterline of the USS Trump-for-President. .

Trump had his noisy run at political opportunism during the past few weeks, getting attention by aligning himself with the whack jobs who have made Obama's citizenship their central issue.  Now those questions are finally answered. 

The Donald says he is proud of himself, but by finally releasing his birth certificate Obama essentially says to Candidate Trump: "You're Fired."

There is zero credibility left in the billionaire blowhard's believability quotient, since he staked his reputation on the "unbelievable" things that his army of researchers had discovered in Hawaii.  All gas and no beans.  Do not mourn as the candidacy disappears beneath the waves.  Do not throw life savers to the rats who will be scurrying to safety as the thin-hulled vessel sinks to the bottom. He got his face on everyone's TV; his ego is intact.
======
As for Obama, he tells us he has more important things to work on.  This is a silly issue.
I can't help hearing a haunting echo, remembering Bill Clinton's scolding rebuke to reporters when he was in denial about Ms Lewinski. 

Unfortunately, for those of us who never thought O's citizenship was a concern, the fact that Obama could have easily released the birth certificate anytime over the past several years, raises a series of perplexing questions:  Why?   Why didn't he do it sooner?  How come the Press reported that Hawaii laws forbade release of the "long form" original?   Who can we trust to tell us the truth in a timely manner?

Watching The Bruins vs Canadiens Game 5

It really bother me to say this but I find that I cannot stand to hear females announce the play-by-play at male-only team sporting events like hockey and football.   I am not anti-chick, but I just cannot sit there and listen to it.  And why are they all babes?  It's a distraction.   If they can't find a homely gal dressed in sweats with a deep voice,  I would rather change the station. 

Come to think of it most sports announcers talk too much anayway..  Most of the time I keep the TV on mute.

Is it me, or do other guys feel this way too?

Don't Look For Me At Red Sox Opener

 

It has been many years now since I have set foot in Fenway Park to watch a game, mainly because the cost of actually sitting in the stands for me is dramatically out-of-proportion to the value of the experience, not to mention that the size of the seats is uncomfortably out-of-proportion to the space required by my posterior.



You often hear people say that there is “Nothing like being there” to watch a baseball game live at Fenway Park. But, with a zero out of six record, why would I want to endure the cost and inconvenience of trying to get my XXL butt into one of those size M seats just to watch the Yankees pummel the crap out of our guys?

Who are all these new guys anyhow?  What happened to the old days when a player would stay with a team for most of his career?  How do you suddenly love the shortstop who you hated last season when he was in another uniform?  This constant, incestuous marketing of bodies to the highest bidder does not inspire loyalty to a player or a team;  It's a reminder that these guys are not "playing" they are actually working.  Ho-hum.

Then there is the concession food at Fenway Park.  Besides costing an arm and a leg, it is probably hazardous to your health. Junk food raised to an art form. (I've often thought that "Red Sox Fever" was a real malady that you get from eating undercooked sausages.)  I hear you arguing that they have not failed any inspections since 2008, but I have my suspicions.

 I heard that they are serving sushi this year and hard liquor, too.  Ka-ching  @ $15 a pop.  And, now the affluent drunks in the stands can get even more obnoxious after pounding-down double mai tais, further adding to the being there experience.   If you needed another reason to watch the games from your safe, sanitary, suburban couch, this may be it.

Considering the risk of almost certain death by salmonella or some flesh-eating virus, plus the other inconveniences, I have so many reasons to stay home and watch the games in Hi Def Digital on my big flat screen TV – where I can languish in air-conditioned privacy in my comfortable leather armchair, refreshed by a reasonably priced, frosty beer to wash down my fresh, home-cooked sausage, that has NOT been prepared on filthy counter tops in the presence of insects and rodents. If I need to pause for the cause, I do not need to stand in a line of grumpy beer drinkers with distended bladders. When the game is over, I do not have to compete with 39,000 other fans to get a ride back to my house in the suburbs. Parking in my driveway is free.

So, I ask you true blue ticket buying fans, what am I missing, besides the chills and fever?

Radio Thoughts

I have become acustomed to the reality that I am outside the target age demographic whose ratings decide what gets on the radio.

Apparently, advertisers have concluded that retired people don't spend money.  I guess they think we are either broke, or that we already have perfect teeth, sufficient tire tread, and dry basements. We are never polled to find out what makes us change the radio dial.  No one cares what we think.

Fine.  I have mostly stopped listening to commercial radio - especially the right wing talk shows that seem to me to be a melange of 50% commercial message and 51% mindless conservative rants about how Obama is doing EVERYTHING wrong, and all liberals are dangerous, unpatriotic, unwitting tools of socialism.

If you are looking for interesting talk, you need to listen to NPR.  I do not deny that there is a liberal bias on NPR, but they do attempt to give a balanced treatment to news and a thoughtful discussion - which is absolutely absent in the rants of local commercial station talk guys like Jay Severin and Howie Carr. The callers who get to be on the show are little more than a claque of adoring fans who echo the rants of the "host".   Years ago I enjoyed tuning in to these guys, because they were entertaining, funny, even thoughtful.  Now they seem boring, predictable and deadly serious.

I remember the old days when intelligent and thoughtful guys like Gene Burns and David Brudnoy were the  talk show hosts you always listened to.  They did not browbeat you with their politics or provoke discussion by appealing to prejudice, ignorance and fear.

So, most of my presets on the car radio are to local college stations which carry news or music, a minimum of advertising and not much talk.  During the past week or so all the so called non-commercial stations have been running fundraisers, instead of playing music.  So I have been shutting off the radio and talking to myself instead.  Pretty interesting dialogue, if you ask me.

Years ago, 96.9FM ran with the call letters WJIB and they played 55 minutes of smooth jazz every hour. It was one of my favorites.  Now,  WJIB 750 AM  is commercial free and plays a stream  of what they call adult standard music from the 50's and 60's.  My wife calls it "the geriatric soundtrack."   The owner Bob is also the DJ.  He bought the radio station and refuses commercials so he can play the music he likes.

If I win Powerball Jackpot, that will be my goal too.  Free music, no talk, no annoying marketing.

Spring notes

The  snow squalls of yesterday didn't stick to the pavement but left a fugacious blanket of white on the lawns.  Today, even that pale remnant of winter has all but disappeared under partly sunny skies of spring.

Reprise of my Favorite St Paddy's Day Poem

St. Patrick’s Day



Fake Irishmen wearing silly green ties
Calling with bad brogues
for a wee dram of green beer
In bars festooned with shamrocks
Pipes and cartoon leprechauns.
They sing a slurred verse of Danny Boy
Like tone deaf drunken goats,
Set the dogs to barking.

Amateurs: they end-up
puking on their Italian loafers
waking-up late for work
the next day in a hangover fog


Grandsons of the famines
Endure this minstrel show
With a mirthless grin.
We stay to ourselves
At our regular bar stools
Chasing shots of Jameson's
Down with dark beer,
Glad not to be thinking
About the days
When Irish need not apply.

The Retirement Conundrum

As a non scientist, I can get away with saying just about anything and not have to defend my views with research data. (Hey! This is how I roll. Deal with it.)

One of the conclusions I’ve come to after 3 years of semi-retirement is this: humans do not do well doing nothing. Anyone who has been around the over-55 clubhouse, has seen that many retirees are prone to become depressed and unhappy - even sick - when they do not have something to do that requires them to get out of bed in the morning, take a shower and get dressed.
For a lot of folks who never had problems with alcohol, the boredom of retirement gets one to thinking that cocktail hour doesn’t really need to wait past 4pm - even earlier. Men who spent decades yearning for a life of daily golf or fishing eventually become bored with the same routine – (just like a work life, you say! )

I think I am typical of men of my generation who grew up in the 50’s and who worked for forty plus years, raised a family and owned a house. We spent our working years waking-up every day and smelling the coffee. Now we are grandparents and ready to kick back and smell the roses. Maybe take that road trip we always talked about.

But something is missing. We miss the Income. We miss the socialization. We miss being part of something.

Those Social Security deposits to the bank account are not to be sniffed at, but it is not a level of income that will allow retirees to enjoy the amenities of life that they were accustomed to when they were working and drawing a decent salary.
As bad as your coworkers were, they were better than having no one to complain about.
And there were some good times: Successful projects, ideas that worked, friendships, occasional recognition.
My attitude toward the work was not negative but my feelings about organizations were distinctly anti-authority. This attitude was not helpful to my career advancement. I couldn't help it. It was mainly due to my conviction that the power in organizations is generally misplaced. Instead of finding the best leaders, most organizations promote the most productive and ambitious do-ers.

I guess the theory is that they will show others how to be productive. Most of us know that isn’t what happens. What happens is elegantly explained by the Peter Principle: "In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence".

Most managers I worked for were incompetent and didn’t know it. They call themselves eagles. But there is no eagle in team – and it is only through team effort that anything worthwhile is accomplished in a bureaucracy.

So the paradox is that organizations promote people with ego-centric skills and put them in charge of teams of people. It s no wonder that the newly minted manager is unable to understand the motivations and personalities of his assigned team. He only knows one way to succeed and that is by outperforming the others. How can someone lead a team when he/she knows nothing about cooperation?

Thus the eagle tends to manage by dint of his power, that is to say, by generating fear in subordinates. This is how bureaucracy migrates into autocracy. Astute underlings rapidly adjust to the environment of command and control; nattering nay bobs are harassed until they either shut-up or go away.

Yeah, I still miss it. Much as it sucks, it beats watching The View or surfing the net for funny pet videos.

Smudgeheads

Today is Ash Wednesday.  If you see people walking around with a smudge on their forehead, acting like there is nothing unusual, do not be alarmed.  It is probably not contagious.

Welcome to “Meteorological Spring.”

It just keeps falling.

We returned from our Florida getaway slightly over a week ago. In the past eight days we have had overnight snow three times – two requiring shoveling. If that wasn’t enough we had 2 “wintery mix” events which ended-up dumping at least an inch of pelting rain on already icy surfaces. There is a mini- glacier forming in my driveway. I need an ice axe and cleats just to go out and find the morning paper.

Like you, I am pretty tired of hearing complaints about the weather, so it is with great pleasure that I declare a hearty welcome to “meteorological spring.” Funny, I always thought Spring started when the sun achieves equinox, usually around March 21st. That is when the sun is directly above the equator at noon, which marks the traditional demarcation of seasons. Equal night and equal day.

But for some reason, it never rose to my attention that weather people prefer to think of seasons in terms of three complete months.  So here we are in Spring.

Let the melting begin.

I liked the good old days when the weather dude would come on TV at the same time every night and tell you what to wear tomorrow.   Nowadays, the weather has become headline news. If you are looking for advice on what to wear tomorrow you are held hostage through numerous “teases” and stories about extreme weather. You cannot get a useful local forecast unless you listen to the entire half hour "news" broadcast. The weather channel is even worse, with elevator music, technical information and the information you want is briefly flashed in the moving textual crawl at the bottom. Who reads that fast? It’s frustrating so you need to go to the computer to get useful information on demand.

==========
Speaking of reasons to avoid watching TV,

If you have been watching lately, you probably have noticed the similarity between the interviews with Moammar Khadafy and Charlie Sheen. In both cases you see a person denying the reality that everyone around them sees. Both of them think they are full of tiger blood and Amazon DNA.  We think they are full of crap.

Watching Sheen ranting, I was appalled to learn that he still had custody of his two year old sons.  What child welfare authorities could see this nutjob ranting and not fear for the children's safety? No problem, bro, the Godessess (the hooker and the porn star) take care of the kids.  I was releived to hear the news today that police had taken the kids to their mother.

========

I heard a good one yesterday: 
A CEO, a Tea-Party Supporter and a Wisconsin Teacher's union guy were sitting at a table.  There is a plate with a dozen cookies in front of them.  The CEO grabs 11 of the cookies, turns to the Tea-Party supporter and says, "Watch out, The Union guy wants a bite out of your cookie."

Warm and Furry Thoughts

Try not to hate me; I am writing this entry while sitting by the pool under a shady palm tree in Pompano Beach, Florida. The air temperature is 78 and the pool water is 70.  It is very quiet here, except for the barking dog that someone has left alone in a truck parked a few houses down the street. The dog is barking at a mangy gray cat who is calmly sitting on the hood of the truck peering through the windshield. The cat seems to be enjoying making the mutt crazy. 

Maybe that's just me indulging in what they call anthropomorphism -- ascribing human characteristics to animal behavior.

It reminded me that we have now been cat-free for almost two weeks. No cats on the bed, no litter box, no yowling Siamese pestering to be fed.  In other words, free.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike the cats. Between cats and dogs, I will take a cat any day. You might argue that dogs are smarter and can be trained, whereas a cat pretty much does whatever it wants, when it wants -- except when it comes to using a can opener. 

The main thing I like is that cats have too much dignity to lick your hand or thrust their snout in your crotch.  You toss a ball and they will refuse to chase it.  They just look at you with an expression that says, "What other tricks can you do?" 

The thing about pets in our modern "humane" society is that we treat them almost like infant children.  We keep them indoors 24X7.  They can’t do anything for themselves. You have to open the doors, feed them, clean-up after them and what do you get in return? A cat brain is about the size of an avocado pit, and like an avocado, there is not a lot going on in there.  We anthropomorphize them and assume that they give us unconditional love, when in reality they are just teaching us to feed them.  

Joan, the woman who is going to the house and feeding them every day, is currently the most important person in their lives. They will not miss us; they live totally “in the moment.” I do not write this as a lament, it is simply the way things are. When we return from our travels, they will wonder, “Who the heck are you, and when are you going to feed me?”

Yet, we worry about the cats constantly. By “we” I mean, of course, “Judy.” 
We wonder if they are pining for a warm lap, staring listlessly out the window, wondering when we will return, telling each other cute stories about us, resolving to be better pets in the future. We have made careful arrangements to have them tended to, the heat is kept at a toasty 74 degrees, a 30 day’s supply of food is on the shelf, enough cat litter to handle an elephant is in the basement, and the nice lady who is coming every day to feed them has been thoroughly screened and CORI checked. Judy thinks we should set up video cams to ensure that the cats are being properly treated. I have resisted this effort.

But, here we are sitting by the pool a thousand miles away, in paradise, writing about the cats. What does that tell you?

Heavy Reading



The beach is deserted if temps are below 70



Nothing much is happening here in Pompano Beach. We like it that way.   Forecast is for 74 degrees today, should be nice during my 10 minutes on the beach.

We arrived at the Bahama Beach Club on Saturday after a week on the West coast. Cool (68 degrees) for Floridians but moderate for folks like us who are escaping New England's arctic temps. The only excitement was a brief power outage which had us in total darkness for a few hours. We used the light of our cell phones to find the bathroom. One of the neighbors was outside showing off his I-phone flashlight app. My flashlight was of course on the bureau at home. I recall thinking, "When have I ever needed a flashlight?" So, I did not pack it.

We are quite happy with our small one bedroom room apartment. Thank goodness the king size bed is comfortable and the neighborhood is quiet. We have a kitchenette and living area, two TV's and pool access. Small, only 5 ft deep but nice to look at.


 I have been reading one of Judy's book group selections,  "Cutting For Stone" a book of more than 600 pages. It is equivalent to reading 3 novels. Usually when I am down here, I read something by John D McDonald, Carl Hiasson or Elmore Leonard; this one is heavy reading, but pretty good once you get a few hundred pages into it.



Art Therapy



Yesterday was nice and relaxing.  Strolled the beach, sat by the pool with our books and wine. Inside,  Judy relaxes with her drawing pad, while I research local watering holes and bistros on the new Toshiba netbook.  Despite my previous complaints, we a re pleased that we bought it.  In past years, we had to schlep down to the public library to check email.



Bob and Denise at Flanagans



Went out with Watertown friends last night at Flanagans - a local chain restaurant - on Atlantic Ave.  Early bird special at 4:40pm to beat the Valentines Day crown.  Mmm, Mahi-Mahi. Also, legendary baby back ribs. 

Plans?  Who has plans?  The only thing on the calendar is dinner at Frankie and Johnny's for dinner on Thurs, otherwise, just relaxing and planning the next meal.  The forecast is warming into high 70's for the rest of the week.  Try not to hate us.

Is this what Florida retirement is like? Kinda boring, in a good way, short term, but I think it would be a drag on a full-time basis.

Didn't Forget

Camera Date is incorrect

Why Normal People Think Engineers are Evil

I bought a new Toshiba NB505 Netbook the other day  at Best Buy for under $300.   For those who don't already know it, a netbook is a stripped-down Laptop which is optimized for Internet access and email.  It does not come with a suite of applications already installed like PC's did in the old days.

I comes with practically no instructions.  All the documentation is in a file, somewhere.  If you click the get started training button, you get a bunch of animated windows tutorials.  There is also a downloadable pdf manual from Toshiba.

The problem is the Toshiba  keeps displaying a pop-up floating "Screen Cover Notice"

"Screen Cover has been turned on for 30 minutes. You can turn it off on "Screen cover" page


in the "Effect" dialog box."

What does this mean? There is no mention in any documentation that I can find.
There is no reference to this notice or the "effects" dialog box that it describes.

I want to know why this notice exists and what to do about it.

For all the help and support information out there and I spent an hour checking the sites
and none of them helped.  You can't call anyone unless you have an hour to kill getting a free line to your friendly support agent in Bangladesh. 

In their quest to remove the human cost and unpredictability from  their universe, engineers have designed close loop systems which casts the computer in a role to replace the need for two people to talk with each other.  They have succeeded in convincing technology manufacturers that they have a better way.  They have utterly failed to devise systems that work for ordinary people.

This is why we hate to:
  - Fly in commercial airplanes
  - Call Verizon for anything
  - Rely on our GPS for directions in a strange place
  - Buy a new DVD player
  - Use the automated ticket kiosk
  - Check the stupid online help system.

This is a partial list.  But you get the idea.